<p>I started my own finance company, right now entrusted with more than $80,000 capital from around the world, which has made 6,000 dollars in profit in 6 months - its called "StrikeGold". It's a non-profit charitable company that uses its profits for N.Korean refugees. So what do u guys think Princeton would think when they see that I've started such a thing? will it be a hook? Esp for me with a 1350 :(</p>
<p>if you are interested, the site is <a href="http://www.strikegold.tk%5B/url%5D">www.strikegold.tk</a></p>
<p>it's very impressive. if you're a girl, the hook will even be greater.</p>
<p>Im a guy....now dont tell that being a guy is bad! ;)</p>
<p>but why do u say that itl benefit me more if im a girl?</p>
<p>not that being a guy is bad...i say that because few girls are the entreprenuerish-type. just like few internationals are the verbal type.</p>
<p>yeah...its weird how girls arent really into entrepreneurship...im an int'l with a strong verbal compared to math, going in for computer science...its a mess for me ;)</p>
<p>This is something that Id like lots of comments on...whether this company of mine will look "stellar" in the adcoms' eyes. Any comments are highly appreciated.</p>
<p>Hey callthecops...can i revamp your site???
It should look better if you are also giving the link to the University....</p>
<p>Callthecops,</p>
<p>You will have to write about how you conceived, started and run this company, and you must back it up with evidences if possible. Whether it apears stellar or not depends on how you present the whole initiative to the adcoms. Congragulations for this acheivement.</p>
<p>thanks...anything more??</p>
<p>definitely mention your obstacles in establishing it. and remember not to come across as arrogant. be proud of it, but not haughty.</p>
<p>wow, I say it's very impressive.</p>
<p>I don't think they check out links lol...I mentioned websites I run for school, but I didn't think it would have been right to give links to them. However, this is pretty unique. Try giving them a link, plus I think you should write an essay about it or describe it in depth.</p>
<p>nealious. i didnt quite get what u mean by "give them a link" -> cud u explain a bit more?</p>
<p>Oh, sorry, I meant the link to your company website that you gave to us. I was wondering if you were going to give them the link to the site. Like you know, writing it down or something incase they want to check it out to make sure its real.</p>
<p>yeah...i did that.</p>
<p>how is this essay? its on StrikeGold</p>
<p>At TCIS, the same doors were shut for me as they were before at BFS. The student council was chosen the year before and dedicated students had already taken other leadership roles. The only way I could make a difference to my school community was to start something new initiate a new idea.
My deep interest in economics and fascination for the stock market led me start a Stock Market & Investment Club, a club where students could learn about the investment and get hands on application of investment techniques. I drew inspiration from this club and started an investment company called StrikeGold (at <a href="http://www.strikegold.tk%5B/url%5D">www.strikegold.tk</a>). StrikeGold Inc. is a company that advices investors about the stock market and which stocks to invest in. One option suggests that the customer shares an AmeriTrade account with StrikeGold, so that the company can invest on the persons behalf. With a low commission rate I hope to attract more customers who will let StrikeGold invest on their behalves and let my company gain profit. I found that several programs in school related to donation for North Korean refugees and I believed that the companys profits could be used for charitable purposes. As a newcomer to TCIS, I found it difficult to get in touch with the people who could help in this endeavour to help turn my dreams into reality. However, my search was not in vain as a senior advisor to the TCIS administration, Mr. Don Wood, helped me legalize my new company and found the trust that would deal directly with the profits. StrikeGold has expanded to such an extent that it deals with investments worth over $60,000, and its profits are accumulating. As I write this sentence, I feel get great pleasure from the thought of the difference the donation would make to the poor. Helping people lead better lives through an entrepreneurial project gives me the greatest sense of satisfaction. I know that I have made a difference to the world.</p>
<p>
[quote]
As I write this sentence, I feel get great pleasure from the thought of the difference the donation would make to the poor.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>Almost every adcom in every book on college essays I've read has said that this sort of thing is tired and clich</p>
<p>ok thanks...but is the essay effective? does it really make a difference in their eyes??</p>
<p>
[quote]
At TCIS, the same doors were shut for me as they were before at BFS.
[/quote]
I'm guessing that these are your present and past schools. Make sure you name them in your final essay, then you can abbreviate later on in the essay.
[quote]
The student council was chosen the year before and dedicated students had already taken other leadership roles.
[/quote]
A stronger sentence would be:
Chosen the year before, the student council and other dedicated students had already taken leadership roles.
[quote]
The only way I could make a difference to my school community was to start something new initiate a new idea.
[/quote]
Good. I like this.
[quote]
My deep interest and fascination for economics and the stock market led me to create a Stock Market & Investment Club, a*n organization in which* students could learn about investment and get hands*-on applications* of investment techniques.
[/quote]
fixed
[quote]
I drew inspiration from this club and started an investment company called StrikeGold (at <a href="http://www.strikegold.tk%5B/url%5D">www.strikegold.tk</a>).
[/quote]
try:
Drawing inspiration from this club, I started an investment company blah blah
[quote]
StrikeGold Inc advises investors on the stock market and suggests stocks for them invest in.
[/quote]
fixed
[quote]
One option suggests that the customer shares an AmeriTrade account with StrikeGold, so that the company can invest on the persons behalf.
[/quote]
cut this out.
[quote]
I found that several programs in school related to donation for North Korean refugees and I pledged that the companys profits would be used for charitable purposes.
[/quote]
fixed
[quote]
Though, as a newcomer to TCIS, I found it difficult to get in touch with the people who could help in this endeavour and turn my dreams into reality, my search was not in vain. A senior advisor to the TCIS administration, Mr. Don Wood, both helped me legalize my new company and found the trust that would deal directly with the revenue
[/quote]
fixed</p>
<p>
[quote]
StrikeGold has expanded to such an extent that it deals with investments worth over $60,000, and its revenue is accumulating.
[/quote]
fixed</p>
<p>
[quote]
As I write this sentence, I feel get great pleasure from the thought of the difference the donation would make to the poor. Helping people lead better lives through an entrepreneurial project gives me the greatest sense of satisfaction. I know that I have made a difference to the world
<a href="Revenue%20sounds%20better%20than%20Profit%20in%20my%20opinion">/quote</a></p>
<p>Alright, now's where I'll go at it.
How have you helped people lead better lives? Any specific examples? Buying rice, medicine, etc? You need to show what you did with the revenue that you gained with your company. Simply stating that you made some money and gave it away to poor people doesn't 'jive' with it being the greatest satisfaction of your life.</p>
<p>My suggestion is to illustrate an example of what your money did and then state that the experience gave you satisfaction. Tell what you learned from your experience, that sort of thing.</p>
<p>The essay is decent now, but it has so much more potential.</p>