<p>My daughter was just accepted to Wellesley. She was also accepted at Smith and Mt. Holyoke. She is trying to find a fit where she will be part of a nurturing community as high school was often socially a struggle with even the brightest girls being very catty and competitive. She is wary of a women's college for this reason. Her personality is warm, intellectually confident and outspoken but somewhat fearful of young women outside academics. She was president of her school's unity club and a member of a selective peer sex education program as well as mock trial. She also rock climbs and likes to ballroom dance. She knows she will find a vibrant campus of talented, interesting women at Wellesley and that the network of Wellesley women will open doors in life, yet she wonders about whether it is emotionally a safe place. Wondering if anyone can address this concern?</p>
<p>Yes, I’ve had concerns about this as well, and I would like to see things from a current student’s perspective. My parents are worried that there’s a competitive atmosphere at Wellesley.</p>
<p>As an alum, I can say that any college is as competitive as you make it. Yes, there will be people who are very competitive (I’ll say more so with the people headed to med school) but by and large, Wellesley students tend to be more competitive with themselves than with each other. A lot of what you experience in college also depends on who you associate with – you can choose to hang out with very academically focused students or not…Wellesley does have both types of students and everyone who falls across that spectrum too.</p>
<p>I was worried about this too, but the students here are really more supportive than they are competitive. A lot of people can be really, really tough on themselves, though. There are a lot of type A personalities here.</p>
<p>A Wellesley alumna told me recently that the young women there study really, really hard, even on weekends!! I would be a bit concerned if it was all hard work and not enough down time. Young people need to relax a bit and also enjoy their college experience.</p>
<p>This is pretty much exactly my concern. I’m worried about the environment being too competitive- I’m not competitive by nature and I already feel like I’m one of those kids Wellesley decided to take a “chance” on by admitting (as in, I’m not academically stellar). I know some people are able to push themselves to try harder and perform better in these kinds of environments, but I’m not sure if I, personally, would thrive.</p>
<p>I’m a parent - I would describe Wellesley as intense. Maybe there are laid back students there, but my D isn’t one of them! I’ve visited her a couple of times (stayed in her dorm room on campus) the past two years, and the image I would describe is a bunch of type A, overachieving, bright women who push themselves. She has remarked that her college experience is very different from most of her high school friends. She is much more social than she was in high school, has way more friends and it has been a great place for her, but it’s probably not the environment for everyone. It has been stressful academically at times, but she’s done very well, and I’m absolutely amazed at her opportunities and achievements.</p>
<p>My d loves the “intense” aspect of Wellesley, although she is not competitive with other people. She is, however, competitive in the sense that she has high goals for herself and wants to be surrounded by people who who have similarly high goals and high intellect. It is what she believes elevates her own success. I agree.</p>
<p>As far as nurturing goes, she was touched by the personal note from the Dean at the bottom of her admission letter, and all of the love Wellesley has been quick to give. I think that says a lot about what the school thinks of its students.</p>
<p>Not to bash other schools, but the comparison between the two packets she got yesterday from women’s colleges were quite a contrast. For her (and us) Wellesley was in a different league, just based on approach.</p>
<p>thanks for the feedback.
sakacar - My daughter had no such personal note on her admission letter. She did from another midwestern LAC. It is what it is.
I also was wondering about the competitive or nurturing nature of the social scene? Is there a social scene and what about dating?</p>
<p>@rapamom - I’m not really sure what you mean by a competitive vs nurturing social life but I’ll speak a bit about the social life at W in general. Like in academics there’s a spectrum. There are students who go to parties in Boston almost every night or go to NYC every weekend. There are students who find that the W campus has everything they need and only go off campus a few times a semester. And there’s everyone in between. I personally went off campus a few times a week and about every other weekend, depends on what year you are though. Many students participate in off campus activities – many clubs have events and parties with similar student clubs from colleges around the Boston/New England area. Many students take classes at the number of other schools where cross registration is available and make other friend groups that way. Some students had part time internships during the year in Boston which gave them more career experience and another chance to meet other people and explore the city. I found my roommates were very social so I became more social (as compared to my hs self) too.</p>
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<p>My D is at Wellesley right now and I am an alumna.</p>
<p>If your D wants to meet boys, she will need to take the initiative to get off campus. It can be a challenge but it is not impossible. The perennial complaint about on-campus parties is that they attract sketchy guys who are only interested in getting laid. Many girls go to MIT fraternity parties in groups and find boyfriends that way. Or they meet boys through co-ed extracurriculars with MIT or Olin. </p>
<p>If co-ed social life is really, really important to your D, there are easier places to be than Wellesley. However, there are so many activities, clubs, groups etc. on campus. She will not be lonely unless she chooses to self-isolate. Getting involved is the key to happiness and balance at Wellesley. It’s easy, but not healthy, to spend all your time studying. You have to go out and built the kind of social life you want; it will not come to you on a tray. However, that is the way it is in adult life also.</p>
<p>Addendum: I also think Wellesley can be a very hard adjustment for students who are very grade-conscious and/or derive a great portion of their sense of self-worth from their grades. At the accepted students’ parent session, one mother asks about psychological resources available for when her D got her first B. I almost fell off my chair, not because I was so impressed by this straight-A girl, but because I feared that she was in for a huge adjustment. Wellesley is not a good place for you if a B is going to send you into an emotional tailspin.</p>
<p>I ended up loving my time there, but I was quite unhappy my first year. Part of this was me and not the school; I was far away from home and very homesick. It took some adjustment (perhaps more than some other places) but in the end, it was worth it. It’s a really special place; in some ways the downsides are flip surfaces of the good sides.</p>
<p>Based on my DD’s experience, I think Wellesley can be both competitive AND supportive. It is certainly a challenging and intense academic atmosphere and I think the majority of young women who choose to attend are looking for a challenge. My DD had to come to terms with the reality that she was no longer the smartest kid in the room, while dealing with the Wellesley grade deflation policy–and got her first C in a class that she worked her butt off in! But she has found the professors to be very supportive --they want you to succeed and they go out of their way to be available and helpful. She has said that she really only feels competitive with herself (as sakacar said about her DD)-and has grown and become much more confident than she ever was in high school. And the professor in the class in which she got a C has become her advisor and one of her favorites!</p>
<p>Thank you for these impressions, experiences and advise. My d is very motivated academically and very confident intellectually - it is socially that she is very shy and can use some nurturing to draw her out. On the other hand she is great at getting involved at extracurricular activities, so I am sure that will be a great vehicle for her. It is more in the traditional party scene that she is lost. But it sounds like that is not very prevalent at W. Thanks so much for all the wisdom</p>
<p>rapamom,
It’s not that there isn’t a traditional party scene at Wellesley–there certainly is for those who are so inclined–it’s that there is also a not-insignificant portion of the student body that chooses more low-key socializing. My DD was (is?) also socially shy and doesn’t take advantage of as many of the social opportunities as some of her friends–but she socializes more than she did in high school and has done the traditional party scene at Harvard, etc., and having tried it, generally opts out now because she really doesn’t like big, loud parties and drunken people! And people are okay with that!</p>
<p>Wow, this thread is touching on all my concerns for my DD for whom Wellesley is one of the two institutions she would be able to afford to attend next year. Thank you!!! We are so excited, will be sending our daughter to the Spring Open Campus next month. Boston/Cambridge are old stomping grounds for me but have not been there in many many years; and it’s very far away from where we are now…will miss my D so much!</p>
<p>Mamalin - your daughter sounds much like mine in this regard. She is hoping for other types of social options where she won’t feel left out or put off by drunken idiots. She was excited that Smith has craft nights. So having a variety of engaging social options is important and dating should have a place as well - although not the center. You guys are so great to give all this support and/or validation</p>
<p>^^ Mine, too. Although craft nights wouldn’t be her deal, watching Sherlock, Downton Abbey, etc. or singing bad karaoke would be. 
Her other apps were mainly to “nerdy” schools where drinking and loud parties were not really part of the culture, whether there were boys or not. </p>
<p>I am also from Boston originally, but live in Arizona, so it is going to be hard to send my daughter off. Her grandparents who live in MA could not be prouder, though. They are pulling for Wellesley as the final call.</p>
<p>Sakacar, I’m from Arizona as well! I grew up in Tucson, but now I’m at Wellesley. The weather is a bit of a shock, but it’s been nice to live in a different part of the country.</p>
<p>Sakacar, your daughter will be in good company at Wellesley! There are some residence halls that have tv nights every week – generally it comes down to what tv show is on and who wants to watch it. When gossip girl was still popular a few years back, I think every tv room on campus was packed.</p>