<p>Just venting here - was told yesterday by a 'friend' my d should not have applied to some colleges if they weren't top on her list because it prevented others (mainly her child) from getting in. As far as I know, colleges have a huge pool of applicants and are looking for certain/different types each year. If your child did not make it to the deferred, wait listed, or accepted groups, then they probably would not have made it if one or two less people applied. My d and child in question do not even go to the same schools. Any one else out there have similar situation? Am I wrong about how kids are chosen? Other mom thinks there are only so many kids from each national region/state/community that are chosen.</p>
<p>Mini…I feel you on this one. My D goes to a super competitve HS and a good bit of parents are simply uneducated about college admissions. I do believe colleges try to keep a good balance of students from each region, as each region has dedicated recruiters, but really? Does that matter? I have never seen an application that has a label warning parents and students that says “Filling out this application protentially might tick off some other parent. Please submit at your own risk.”</p>
<p>I have advised my D to just try to skirt the issue as much as possible but never to lie about what she is doing. If someone says, “what colleges are you applying to?” She simply answers, “I am working on a list of schools that both my parents and I agree would be great matches for me, and you?” If that doesn’t nicely say, “why does it matter?” I am not sure anything would. But we are from the South where, “that’s nice” isn’t nice at all…lol.</p>
<p>thank you for the good advice/reply for ‘inquiring minds’!</p>
<p>mini my Son’s school encourages parents to keep their children’s applications private. Of course I talk with my friends, but our kids are so different and it’s a boarding school so limited chatting opportunities. My sister has a senior also and I can feel the tension building, which drives me crazy! I have a S she has a D, 2 very different HS’s, 2 very different profiles. Same home state. I just hope my niece get’s a few of her top choices and the same for my S.</p>
<p>The whole college process is fraught with stress and competition. There are only so many spots at each school. Many parents are also very closely connected with their kids, so that they view their kids’ successes or failures as their own. You can pick up on that at CC, of course. Many parents view themselves as experts on the whole process, as a result of getting a few kids through it themselves. It doesn’t mean that they can’t give good advice or lessons learned, but sometimes it becomes very overbearing. Every time I post, I look at my total over the last 3+ years (several different kids, with different goals and stats) and wonder if I am really adding to a discussion.</p>
<p>Having said that, I am very ashamed of myself for coming out with something that sounded very competitive. I was at an open house recently which provided a brunch. All of the parents and kids at our table were asking about the other schools that they had visited and their impressions. No one had actually committed to our host school yet. One of the families went on and on about another school that they had visited and really liked. I actually knew about that school since one of my kids had researched its professional programs…and in fact, it was my kid’s clear safety school. When I asked a few questions about the school, the family brightened since apparently they had not encountered too many people who ever heard of it. Yup, I inadvertently blurted out that the school had been one of my kid’s safeties since its professional school was relatively new. About 30 minutes later I realized that I had been rude about their kid’s apparent first choice. I didn’t circle back to it, since the brunch was ending and I was afraid I would compound my original rudeness.</p>
<p>So…I apologize belatedly for my rudeness, and for appearing to be competitive or snide. My mouth opened before I thought. The school is a decent school that may have been a great match for their student, and I didn’t want to take away any of their pleasure in finding a school that excited her. I wish as parents we could all be courteous and supportive through this process. It’s tough enough helping our kids and hoping that their dreams can come true, without worrying about other parents.</p>
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<p>While I agree with most everything you wrote, on this narrow point I have to respectfully disagree. This argument is similar to the “one vote doesn’t make a difference” argument in national elections. While that’s literally true, one vote per polling place in Florida would have meant President Gore instead of President Bush. One vote per polling place in Illinois in 1960 would have meant President Nixon instead of President Kennedy.</p>
<p>One application matters in the same way because it’s really not just one application; it’s one application in several high schools, several counties, and several states. It’s a big number.</p>
<p>That said, I agree with the theme of your post and believe that it’s nobody’s right to tell your son or daughter where they should apply or to imply that their decision to apply to a certain school is harming others’ applications, even if that is true. My child is applying to several music conservatories. Many have acceptance rates in the 5-20% range. Some have suggested that child’s applications to “lesser” conservatories (their words not mine) are unnecessary and potentially will take positions from other applicants. How could they possibly know that? And what if the financial aid package is going to be better at a “lesser” school? Believe me that we would rather not be traveling to yet another one this snow-filled weekend but in uncertain economic times and in a highly competitive process, families need to be comfortable with the process and if that comfort comes from a few extra applications, that is the student’s and their family’s right.</p>
<p>I’ll add one caveat to that though:</p>
<p>A few years ago a top student in my community had been accepted to that student’s dream school. The student had already decided for sure to attend that school. But the student had an outstanding application on a wait list at another highly competitive school. When asked to consider withdrawing that application, the student declined because, “I want a perfect record on applications to acceptances.” That student’s selfishness surely cost another student their acceptance to that particular school and there was no justification for that position.</p>
<p>was told yesterday by a ‘friend’ my d should not have applied to some colleges if they weren’t top on her list because it prevented others (mainly her child) from getting in.</p>
<p>First of all, no one needs to identify to outsiders WHICH schools are the TOP of the list - because the TOP choices can change week to week with kids. So, if you’re going to tell someone a list, and the person asks which is your child’s top choice, say: “I hesitate to say because kids change their minds” or “We won’t know until we’ve seen the FA packages (or have visited all the schools).”</p>
<p>Secondly, all colleges (even Harvard) “over accepts” because they know not all will come.</p>
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<p>How true, how true! Great advice, mom2collegekids.</p>
<p>The OPs experience is not uncommon. Sometimes the kids feel that they are competing with one another directly, too. While I have fairly limited experience with this, I don’t think it’s that simple. There have been years when a top school has taken 3-4 kids from our HS, and there have been years when that same school has taken no one. While some colleges do have numbers for certain regions, who knows if those numbers are hard and fast.</p>
<p>OP, let things like that go in one ear and out the other. If the colleges wanted to use a match system where you list preferences and then the “match” you to accept you, they would. They don’t. The system is that you can apply to any college, whether or not you stand a chance at getting in or turning it down or whatever, and that is how it works. By her logic, no one should ever apply to a safety school, since they take some other lesser applicant’s spot. What a disaster that would be. Also regarding keeping a spot on the waitlist, if they call you, and you say no, they go on to the next person on the waitlist, so no harm no foul there IMHO. Personally, I never stayed on waitlists and went where I was accepted outright, but I don’t see the harm in doing so for the reason above.</p>
<p>The parents’ comment was probably made out of frustration more than anything else. Nerves are pretty frayed at this time of year. Obviously, students need to apply to a range of colleges so that they can ensure that they are accepted somewhere. Since we can’t read the minds of admissions officers, most students will apply to several schools. </p>
<p>For parents of students who have not applied EA/ED or to schools with rolling admissions, many of them are starting to wonder if their kid will get in ANYWHERE. Many of their classmates have a few acceptances in hand at this point, and those who don’t are really stressed. Even top students are starting to wonder, “what if I’m rejected everywhere? Maybe my safeties know it’s my safety and they reject me to keep their yield up?” I know it’s an unlikely scenario, but it is a thought that keeps moms and dads up at night.</p>
<p>Your D should have cleared her schools with the other child’s mother.</p>
<p>^^…:)</p>
<p>*Your D should have cleared her schools with the other child’s mother. *</p>
<p>LOL…</p>
<p>Yes, and the OP should have told the mom… your D should have cleared HER list with me. ;)</p>
<p>I’m confused. If my kid applies to a bunch of colleges, and gets in to each, he still can only enroll at one school, right? Which means the jilted schools will have to reach deeper into the applicant pool? Isn’t that what waiting lists are for? Who’s harmed? </p>
<p>Not to defend his behavior, but the boy who refused to take his name off the waiting list if accepted would eventually have to 'fess up, in which case they would call the next name on the list, right?</p>
<p>And I don’t believe that many, if any, colleges have quotas for particular high schools, or even regions. The numbers just change too much year to year.</p>
<p>Thank you everyone for your comments - both serious and humorous. I know it must have been out of frustrations that someone would say this but it just made me want to scream. So thank you all for allowing me an opportunity to ‘scream’. </p>
<p>FYI - many schools contact waitlisted students long after the May 1st deadline and I know of several students (in my area) who lost their deposits from college(s) to accept an offer at a waitlisted school in late May/June. These days no one knows what makes one student more attractive than another to a college admissions office - it’s not just A’s/SATs/ACTs anymore. </p>
<p>That said - good luck to all your children - I hope they all enjoy their college days.</p>
<p>LurkerDad -</p>
<p>Schools try to estimate their yield accurately, so that they end up with the number of students they want in the class. The wait-list is sort of a back up to the yield - if yield is a bit lower than expected, they take students from the wait-list. While I think it is fine to apply to as many colleges as desired, it isn’t ethical for a student to stay on the wait-list when they have already committed elsewhere. Wait-lists are usually pretty small, and some students really hang on to the last minute hoping to get in off the list.</p>
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That’s exactly right. What’s more, schools accept based on expected yield, which means that they accept more kids than they expect to attend.</p>
<p>Cross-posted–I certainly agree that a kid should withdraw all other apps once a decision has been made.</p>
<p>While schools do look at geographic distribution when choosing thier incoming classes, it’s most likely this woman is just crazy. You can never point to one exact thing and say “There. That’s why I didn’t get in to such and such a school,” unless maybe you have a 3.0 and you’re applying to Harvard. Anyone that tells you that some action you took or didn’t take, or some factor about their child (ethnicity, ability to pay, location) prevented them from getting into a particular school, is lying. Because you don’t know. You can just apply in good faith, do the best you can, and hope for the best results. Period.</p>
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Elections don’t have waitlists.</p>
<p>Touche’!!!</p>