<p>I have been hanging out with this girl I met a few weeks ago almost every day. I really like her personality--she is fun, energetic, silly, we share some of the same values, and she is overall very nice to me etc. </p>
<p>Problem: I think she is a compulsive liar. From the first time we met, I had this strange feeling in the pit of my stomach. I couldn't pinpoint why, but now I am finally realizing that I think she lies about A LOT of stuff. I don't want to get into specifics lest someone at our school reads this, but the lies run the gamut from languages spoken, to famous people she knows, to people she dated, to sports and clubs she was in during high school, to teachers she has here at college, etc etc etc...a lot of things she says just don't add up. It's weird because she'll tell the complete truth about one thing, then completely embellish another. She also obsesses over people in our class and texts and calls me a million times a day. </p>
<p>Again, won't go into specifics, but I also noticed she had something of mine in her room that I do not remember giving her permission to take. </p>
<p>I know everyone will say, "just back away from her slowly," but I KNOW she will start banging down my door if I do this. I don't feel like it's a good idea to confront her, either. Any advice?</p>
<p>It's college. You can avoid her. If she's taking your stuff and is bothering you with her compulsive lying you'll never be the best of friends. You do seem to like her somewhat--she's fun and energetic. She seems like the kind of person to eat lunch with or go to a party with--but not the kind of person you'd cultivate a serious friendship with. So just find other things to do and other people to hang with. If you don't make time for her you won't have to hang out with her too often.
As for the sort-of-stealing, that is definitely something you should mention to her. The lying is a personality trait that probably won't go away, so no point confronting her about her lies. But your property is your property. If confrontation about taking your stuff alienates her, good riddance.</p>
<p>Don't really have advice, but oh god I can relate. I was friends with a girl for YEARS who became a bigger liar everyday and eventually it wasn't possible to know what she was lying about and what she was being honest about. It started to become both self destructive and extremely hurtful to people around her. </p>
<p>I finally just severed all ties out of the blue because she also had stalker tendencies and I was just tired of it. So I can't really help with what to do since you clearly can't just disapear. I totally feel you though.</p>
<p>Yeah...it is so weird. It seems from the people I have spoken with about this that stalkerish tendancies, obsessions, and lying all seem to go hand in hand. </p>
<p>It just sucks. I really like her. She is fun to be with. I WANT to be friends with her. Actually, her lies are sometimes so obvious that I call her out right there, and then she laughs and pretends like it was a joke. It has gotten to be an inside joke that she is a liar!!! I feel like next time this happens, I should just take her aside and tell her that we need to talk SERIOUSLY about the fact that I feel she isn't being honest with me. Bad idea, good idea? Is this a lost cause? Does she have a disease??</p>
<p>In France, compulsive lying is considered a mental illness: mythomania. There was a situation about 3 years ago in which a compulsive liar claimed to have been assaulted on a subway by anti semitic Muslims. The case made the front pages of the paper, and all of the politicians jumped on it decrying racism, antisemitism, etc. It ended up that the story was completly made up: the woman had a history of compulsive lying, and admitted that she had lied because she had told her friends that she was going to buy a car, but couldn't afford it because of credit problems, so made up the lie.</p>
<p>It's not considered a disease in itself, here, however, though it could be a symptom of a mental illness.</p>
<p>Frankly, no matter how many other stellar qualities a compulsive liar has, I wouldn't want one for a friend. Who needs a friend whom they can't trust.</p>
<p>I also think it might be a kindness to tell her the truth about why you're ending the friendship. Perhaps that would lead her to change her ways or to get help.</p>
<p>I have a friend "Sam" who was in a really similar situation. She knew this girl "Emily" in middle school, but Emily had moved away at the start of high school or something. They ended up going to the same college and became really close. Emily had all these really interesting stories about her life and was a lot of fun, and they were friends for quite a long time. Then one day Emily was telling Sam about the time her brother nearly died when sky diving. Sam swore that Emily was an only child though, and when she asked Emily about it, she made up a rather complicated story about her family. Sam thought Emily was just sensitive about her family, and didn't press the subject. However, she began noticing Em's stories began to start contradicting each other. Some of the things she told her even started conflicting with their memories from middle school. Sam eventually started calling up old middle school friends, because she was getting really paranoid that Emily was lying to her. She continued to press Emily on the subject, and Emily ended up getting really angry with her. Finally one day, Sam practically demanded that Emily take her to her parents house for Thanksgiving. </p>
<p>When she got there, a lot of the truth behind Emily's past was revealed, she had no brother and she had never even been to Spain and things like that. Emily acted as if nothing was even wrong. Then on their drive back to school, Sam confronted Emily about her lying at a gas station. Emily began freaking out and started screaming about how she loved Sam, and why didn't she trust her. Then Emily pulled a gun out of the backseat, shot Sam in the leg, and drove off. The police caught her half way through the next state, and Sam swore to never get involved with someone like that again.</p>
<p>.............</p>
<p>Okay, none of that above story is true. I made it all up. See how easy it is to lie about things? It's horrible not being able to trust people. You probably won't get shot in the leg, but one day you are going to end up feeling like a fool, the same way anyone who believed my story feels right now. And I'm just some random girl you met on CC...My advice is to get out now, and if you want, give her a reason. "I just don't feel like you're honest with me," is reason enough. There are plenty of other fun people to hang out with, you know?</p>
<p>But when I was younger I knew a lot of compulsive liars and they were usually among the "dumb" kids so I am no surprised that in France compulsive lying is recognized as a form of mental illness.</p>
<p>Sounds like being her friend could be really complicated and messed up. Just end it now. Be sure to give her a reason...it's not fair just to abandon somebody and not give them the whole truth of why you can't be friends with them anymore. Maybe she'll go out and get some help and be able to have better friendships in the future...</p>
<p>What's selfish about ending a friendship with someone who constantly lies and also may be stealing one's stuff? The OP is under no obligation to continue being friends or to say why she's ending the friendship. The so-called friend who lies and perhaps steals isn't much of a friend. There's nothing selfish about taking care of oneself by eliminating liars from one's life.</p>
<p>I am not trying to scare you, but you might desire to speak with a University counselor who works in the health center of your University (or whatever the case may be). You might want to do that to seek guidance as to how to turn the relationship off. </p>
<p>I am stating this because if your friend is calling you and all of that a "million times a day", then her attitude might shift when you are no longer her pal and stuff. Try to seek actual, real life, person to person guidance on this situation with your friend please.</p>
<p>How you describe your friend makes me, your granny merlin, think that there is something really bad going on with your friend mentally and you might trigger something if you do not seek a little real life guidance from someone.</p>
<p>Keep in mind that habitual liars aren't just annoying, they can also be extremely dangerous--particularly since people often don't pay enough attention to know they're lying. What happens if she starts spreading false rumors about you? I'd say pretend to be her friend, but keep her at a safe distance. A very safe distance, preferably an increasing one. Hopefully she'll find someone else to hang out with.</p>
<p>I would say confront her about it. It seems like your only other option is to stop talking to her. So if the confrontation goes badly, you'll end up not talking to her anyway. So at least give it a try. From what you've described it doesn't sound like she's really do anything to hurt you.</p>