Pledge class at University of Colorado, pilfer cut my son for no good reason 4 weeks before becoming a brother of a fraternity that claims they are a gentleman fraternity. 2 pledge brothers were not supportive of the decision and were upset that this was happening.
Do I as a parent call the fraternity council and speak to the president? My son feels this was completely an unfair decision on the fraternity and hurt beyond belief. Thoughts on getting involved on the matter as a parent?
Donāt get involved.
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Not your fight. You didnāt pledge, your son did. If he wants to challenge, thatās for him to pursue
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Absolutely not. There is no fraternity that will care one iota what a parent thinks.
Does your son want to belong to a group that wants to exclude him? To be blunt, frats and sororities exclude people, hence why they have a long and convoluted process to join in the first place. He needs to let it go and move on.
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Nothing good will come from āmommy coming to protect her baby.ā Thatās how theyāll see it.
I understand your anger. Figure out other ways to support your son. ā listen to him grumble, send a gift card for a local restaurant, pamper him if he comes home. But donāt fight this battle for him.
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Most of the frats at CU are not part of the student organizations (not recognized by the university). I think there are 3 or 4 that are student groups, but the rest are independent. There isnāt much you could do even if you did call āsomeoneā and Iām not sure who that someone would be.
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Is the social life tightly tied to frats? Otherwise why join a group that doesnāt want you?
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He needs to move on. Even if heās feeling awful and itās tough to do so, he has to move forward without the fraternity. He will get through the hurt and sadness. I know that this is difficult for you - we sometimes hurt for our children even more than they hurt for themselves. But itās important for you to get past that hurt ā¦ you need to be strong for him as you assure him that while this is a setback, he will find his people & he will be fine.
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No way. Your son is in college now, likely an adult (or almost an adult), and starting an independent life where he will need to learn to stand on his own two feet and not have mommy/daddy/other parent/guardian swoop in to save him whenever he faces a challenge. And I guarantee if you do try to get involved, that entire frat will be like, damn, that was a good call not to accept him, otherwise we would have had his mommy/daddy/other parent or guardian all up in our business for the next four years.
I am really sorry this happened to him. I know this kind of rejection hurts and I know when your kid is hurting you want to do whatever you can to make it better. So be supportive of your son. Reassure him, love him, listen to him. But under no circumstances do not get directly involved. Heās not in kindergarten anymore. You will only make it worse.
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Yeah - as a parent, youāll just make it worse if you got involved.
That said, Iām wondering, is there more to the story that you donāt know about. Both my kids went greek.
One is in a sorority and one was in an academic fraternity that he voluntary left because it was just a drink fest.
I could be wrong - but I donāt think if you are a pledge and doing everything that they just drop you.
So I wonder if thereās more here.
All that said - and forgetting itās disappointing, if he did nothing wrong and theyāre just jerks, why would he want to hang out with them anyway?
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There are about 16 fraternities recognized by CU. There are other completely independent fraternities as well.
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It says there are now 10 and lists some of the āfoundingā dates as 2022, 2018, etc Those fraternities have been there a lot longer than since 2022 but have just (finally) signed the agreement with CU. Since 2005, CU social frats were separate from the student organizations. Most refused to sign the agreement which required them to have āhouse mothersā (or a non-member adult/couple), no alcohol, etc. I donāt know which side caved on the terms of the agreement.
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10 in the CU recognized IFC. There are more in the CU recognized MCGC and NPHC.
stay out of it. Just listen to your kid. Donāt make phone calls. Youāll come across as an overbearing parent.
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I agree with all posters who said not to make a call, but I would get involved with my kid to figure out what happened. As hurtful as this is, there are always lessons to be learned. I would be supportive and let him vent, but also help him to move forward. As most of us know, there are a lot of trials and tribulations in life, it is important we teach our kids how to pick themselves up when they are down.
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Donāt get involved. It wouldnāt help at all.
Also, yes itās too bad he didnāt accepted, but thatās life. He can find another fraternity or club to get involved in and heāll probably have much more fun!
Comfort him and remind him of all his great qualities. Then tell him he just got prepared for when heās made it to the second or third round of interviews for a job that heās perfect for and they end up giving the job to someone else. Things happen for all sorts of reasons, most beyond our control and not about us. Says me who got rejected from the sorority she wanted to join in college because she was friends with another girl who had some mental health challenges (back in the early 1980s when things were much less acknowledged) and they wanted to reject the friend but didnāt want to look bad by only rejecting her so rejected me also. Told to me by my RA who was in that sorority.
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Isnāt there a quote: āIād rather not join a club that would have me as a member?ā
Calling or otherwise getting involved wonāt change things or help at all.
If it is ever found out that you tried to get involved, your sonās will be forever tagged as a āMotherās boyā and that is something that will definitely hurt his reputation around campus.
He should just become the best person he can be and maybe the fraternity will regret not having him as a member.