Hello everyone.My daughter is a sophomore at Chapman University.She recently told me one of her friends dad who is very often at campus makes her uncomfortable. On her birthday Few weeks ago, he gave her a $2500 bracelet and asked her not to tell his daughter about it. No response from Chapman university after multiple tries . Should I report this to the cops?
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I’d have her send the bracelet back and tell him it was inappropriate.
I’d ask the roommate for a heads up when he’s coming to the room so she can be elsewhere.
I’m honestly not sure what there is to report to the police at this point but I would tell my D to listen to her gut and avoid this man.
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I’d confront the man & roommate, give the bracelet back and demand another room or roommate. Total creeper.
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“Confronting” the roommate may be counterproductive: you don’t know what her life has been, what her relationship with her father has been, or what the dynamics in her family are. What about starting with the school counseling service / the Freshman Dean- who ever has been put forward as their point of contact?
If she has been getting along with the roommate, perhaps that person (counselor, Dean), could help her with the process of telling her roommate about the father’s behavior. She just doesn’t have to obey the father’s direction not to tell, and imo she shouldn’t. But the actual process of telling her roommate should be sensitive to the roommate, who is in a vulnerable position.
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Agreed, nothing to report to school or police. Send the gift back certified mail and block his number. Change rooms if desired
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I have a different view. In our experience, campus police as well as administrators like deans, will take this very seriously, because this man may repeat this behavior. IN fact, the daughter may be able to get a university no contact order.
I am curious how she knows it is worth $2500? And what the circumstances were when he gave it? Were they alone? Has she stayed with the family? If it felt inappropriate, was she too scared to say no? Feeling fear is enough reason to seek help from the university.
Who did you contact at Chapman? It is shocking that there was no response.
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An adult man gave an adult woman a gift. No, the school does not police gift-giving, nor is this harassment yet. If she informs him she wishes to cease contact and he fails to do so, then she may have grounds for further action. Until then, gifting practices between adults is no one’s business.
The woman involved can cease contact if she wishes to do so, she isnt a child.
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An adult male gave a gift to an adult female, I wouldn’t expect anything from the university or police. They’re not going to interfere with unwanted male attention, I’m sure there is a lot of that on campus.
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How about…an adult female accepted this gift. She could have declined.
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I am not suggesting action from anyone. I am suggesting making the dean aware. I have personal experience with a kid who suffered unwanted male attention that was never criminally actionable but dean and campus police were aware and involved. We don’t know enough about this situation so I had questions to clarify things.
However, my kid would not have accepted anything from the person involved.
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A little confused. Is this the father of a roommate or a friend who is also a sophomore?
In any event, I’d tell the OP to start with the Dean of students. Document what happened and have the daughter make clear that the bracelet and attention are unwanted. The school can then follow up with a phone call to dad that politely but firmly tells him to leave the student alone.
Umm, no. It is not the school’s job to do so. Would you have the school screen all this woman’s potential dates? Time to grow up. Return the gift, block the number, and if he stalks, advise campus police and the dean.
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I agree that there is no action the police or campus can take against the dad, but I think it is a good idea to let the school know so 1) they can help guide her through the situation and 2) it is documented in case this guy progresses to the point of harassing her or sets his sights on another student.
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While I personally would not be thrilled with my daughter getting involved in such a relationship, assuming everyone involved is a single adult, they do have a right to do so. Men in their 50s, particularly wealthy ones, have found beautiful and willing partners aged 20 for centuries. Apparently it works for some.
Women of college age expect to decline unwanted male attention, regardless of the man’s age-it could be a drunk frat student, an eager high school boy, a middle-aged man in a bar-whatever.
Was a law broken? A school policy? A rule? My daughter did file a complaint against a manager at a restaurant she worked at for sexual harassment when she was 17, he was fired (she wasn’t the first). They had a written policy.
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Workplace harassment is never acceptable. Not the case here.
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Sorry, I disagree with everyone. Call the police and ask for advice. Even get a restraining order. Even though she’s 18 and an adult it is also part of grooming. Why she accepted the gift was probably not sure what to do. I wouldn’t post anything on social media. After talking to the police then follow through with friend and maybe wife. It’s inappropriate on any level. Do nothing and find out later she gets raped at a local hotel. It’s NOT the girls fault. Some people are emotionally weak when confronted in these types of situations. I wouldn’t do nothing or it will escalate. After the police they will probably tell her also to make a record on college also.
Why is he on campus often?
Also not wanting his daughter to know is the key here. What else does he want from this girl that he doesn’t want the daughter to know about?
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Seriously?? Grooming? Good grief, adults are allowed to give each other gifts and form relationships, regardless of whether they are 18 or 80. Learning which relationships are wanted is part of growing up. If she isnt capable of handling that, she needs to live at home under supervision so other adults can monitor her friends and potential dates. Would you feel the same way if it was the roommate’s high school brother?
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Sorry, what if this was your daughter? Not everyone can deal with these situations
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Whatever. It was inappropriate. I would inform the college and send the bracelet back (addressed to both parents, if they live together?). I would consider informing the roommate and asking to be moved, depending on what my child wanted. I would do these things in order to establish a record of events, both for my child and also any other actions this Dad takes wrt another young woman. Otherwise it becomes a "he said/she said type of situation if the dad does something else.
In sending it back, I probably would get excruciatingly polite and not accuse the dad of anything. One can make one’s point strongly while being exaggeratedly polite.
And while this kid is technically an adult, it’s a tough situation and I think its entirely appropriate to help. We are in the process of shepherding our 2 college students through using their first credit cards, I think this is analogous.
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