Confused Applicant

Chance Me / Match Me!
1

<p>I would like you guys to help me in my selection of colleges. I have selected IVs as my target institutions but I am not sure what is gonna happen. Although I know that every thing is possible before God, I would like u frds to give me a sincere advice and I hope that u'll pay due consideration to my request by investing ur valuable time on my application summary. I will be thankful to u for ur guidance.</p>

<p>Also please let me know can SAT 2s make up for SAT 1? The details are given below.</p>

<p>Rank: 1</p>

<p>ClassSize: 188</p>

<p>schedule: most-demanding</p>

<p>SAT1-M: 750</p>

<p>SAT1-V: 600</p>

<p>SAT2sub1: Writing</p>

<p>SAT2score1: 650</p>

<p>SAT2sub2: Maths 1C</p>

<p>SAT2score2: 740</p>

<p>SAT2sub3: Physics</p>

<p>SAT2score3: 800</p>

<p>SAT2sub4: Maths 2 C</p>

<p>SAT2score4: 800</p>

<p>ACT: -</p>

<p>OLEVELS: 8As at 93.2%, school highest.</p>

<p>currentcourses: Physics
Chemistry
Mathematics
Urdu (Foreign/second language)
English </p>

<p>APs: COURESE PREDICTED GRADES</p>

<p>Physics (Cambridge A-Levels) A
Chemistry (Cambridge A-Levels) A
Mathematics (Cambridge A-Levels) A
Urdu (Foreign/second language)(Cambridge A-Levels) A
English (Cambridge A-Levels) A</p>

<p>Leadership:
· Captain of School’s Table Tennis team --- 2000</p>

<p>· Captain Red house & School’s Cricket team --- 2002</p>

<p>· ‘Prefect’ for 4 consecutive years in Class IV(1995), V(1996), VI(1997) and VII(1998)</p>

<p>· ‘Monitor’ of the Class, in IX(00), X(01-02), XI(02-03) & XII.</p>

<p>· ‘Vice captain’ of the Green House of the school --- 2003-2004</p>

<p>· I was and am selected as the captain of the School team for various Quiz and academically interactive competitions. These include Iqra Quiz Competition, ISEO Quiz Competition and 3 ICT Science exhibitions and presentations etc. </p>

<p>· ‘Prefect’ of A-Level section --- 2004-2005</p>

<p>· Nominated as the Head Boy of, The City School --- 2004-2005</p>

<p>· Nominated as the Head of Sports Society --- 2004-2005</p>

<p>· Selected as the Head of the Science Society --- 2004-2005</p>

<p>· Selected for the ‘Global Young Leader’s Conference’ --- 2004-2005 </p>

<p>Sports:
Sport Ability Level</p>

<p>Cricket Outstanding Regional
Soccer Outstanding Divisional
Table Tennis Out standing Divisional
Badminton Good Club/School
Squash Good Club
Chess Spirited Club</p>

<p>Volunteer: Work Employer Hr/week</p>

<p>Community HPG Hospital 6 - 3 months
Service</p>

<p>Library The City School 3 - 3 months
assisstantship</p>

<p>System Analysis Alsons Automotives 6 - 6 months</p>

<p>Computer Div. P. School 5 - 3 months
Assisstantship</p>

<p>Honors:
· Achieved the Duke of Edinburgh Bronze Award --- Sept 2003</p>

<p>· Achieved the Duke of Edinburgh Gold Award --- Dec 2004 </p>

<p>· Received several man of the match awards in Cricket and Soccer --- Mar 2002</p>

<p>· My class rating has never dropped below 2nd position, since Class IV --- 1995-2004</p>

<p>· I am a Blue belt of Kiokishan Karate.</p>

<p>· I have received the title ‘Mr. Perfect’, at the Year Ending Ceremony --- Apr 2003</p>

<p>· I have actively participated in the organization and administration of various events.</p>

<p>· I attained 8 As in O’Levels at an overall percentage of 93.2 %: Including --- Jun 2003</p>

<ul>
<li> Additional Mathematics: 97% * Computer Studies: 97% </li>
<li> Physics: 92% * Mathematics: 96%

<ul>
<li> Chemistry: 89% * English: 86%</li>
</ul></li>
</ul>

<p>· Attained several positions in various exhibitions as team leader or member:</p>

<p>o 3rd position for Solar System’s Model in DPS&C (Individual). --- 2000
o 1st position for practical PVC Rocket, 1st Science exhibition in TCS (Team Leader). --- 2002
o 1st position for practical Purification of Iron, 2nd Science exhibition in TCS (Team Member). --- 2003
o 1st position for Miniature Robot in an Electronics Exhibition, ISEO International in Karachi (Member of Science Society). --- 2003
o 2nd position for Automated Mechanical Crane, 3rd Science exhibition in TCS (Team Leader) --- 2004 </p>

<p>· I have attained 1350 marks in SAT: Maths 750; Verbal 600</p>

<p>· I received a 50% scholarship at The City School, PAF Chapter --- 2003-2005</p>

<p>· I attained distinction/honour awards in Physics, Chemistry and Mathematics --- Apr 2004</p>

<p>· I have secured 3 straight As in AS-Level at 96% --- Jun 2004</p>

<ul>
<li> Mathematics: 98% * Physics: 96%</li>
<li> Chemistry: 94% </li>
</ul>

<p>· Nominated for the post of ‘Head Boy’ due to excellent academic and leadership record and abilities. --- 2004-2005</p>

<p>· Received 290 (out of 300) score on computer based TOEFL --- Dec 2004
Reading: 30; Writing: 29; Listening: 28; Essay: 6.0</p>

<p>SummerProg: Not available in my country</p>

<p>Colleges: IVs i.e. Yale, Harvard, Brown, MIT, Upenn, Duke</p>

<p>Major: Electrical engineering</p>

<p>Minority: I am an International Students belonging to Asia</p>

<p>ExceptionalAccomp: · I have compiled numerous projects and delivered several presentations:</p>

<p>o Computer: Networking and its types, Logical and Physical networking and grouping.
Projects: Management of inventory in an auto parts industry.<br>
o Physics: Solar Energy, Wave Communication, Thermal Conduction and Electricity.
Projects: Solar and Hydro Energy production, Application of Thermal Conduction in PVC Rocket, Mechanical Crane and Miniature Robot in Electronics.
o Chemistry: Presentation and Project: Purification of Iron and electrolysis.</p>

<p>Different: The desire to accept challenges and to succeed at the apex level</p>

<p>FinancialAid: Yes</p>

<p>Writing: STATEMENT OF PURPOSE</p>

<p>The motivating force which is coaxing me to get admitted into a renowned academic institute is the tenuous and adamant desire to acquire my goals, to augment the pace and standard of my life, in order to fuse my life with felicity and alacrity. The university, which provides chances and opportunities to excel in numerous fields ranging from social interaction to academic creativity is the ultimate institution. To find a synthesis of all prerequisite desires in bliss milieu is truly astonishing and engaging. </p>

<p>A successful career in ‘Electrical Engineering’ has always been my passion and it is my dream to engender the world of microelectronics. This astronomical institution is the most apposite place to mollify my curiosity and to make my dreams come true, with profound combination of state of the art technology, well accoutred laboratories, availability of immense amount of knowledge regarding each and every bemusing topic and an environment encouraging cogitation, pondering and self-development. I have always been exuberantly predisposed towards studying in an erudite and cosmopolitan college to develop a prolific and dynamic personality and will try my level best to uplift the name of the educational institution.</p>

<p>The will to study sagaciously is of utmost concern to me, as I come from an educated background with my father an engineer and my mother a doctor. They are the greatest inspiration, to acquire higher professional education. I admire challenges and most of the time I am tantamount to these arduous tasks. Higher education in United States will build my personality, since I will interact with a diverse set of pupils belonging to various educational, analytical and intellectual backgrounds. This experience will broaden my perspective regarding life and will also replete my affinity for exploration and interactive study. The corollary of studying in this amazing institution will be in the form of fulfilment of my long cherished goals, culminating into agglomeration of wealth and fortune accompanied by service to the nation.</p>

<p>Apart from being an academically diligent and industrious student, I am an astute public orator and a good presenter. I have debated, participated in quiz competitions at local and regional level, conducted presentations and exhibitions on physics, chemistry and computers at school and regional level. Accompanied by the quality of being involved in extra-curricular activities, I also am a very agile athlete and an active cricketer, table tennis expert, badminton and soccer player, hockey and squash part-timer and also good at chess and drafts. I have participated in 100 meters, 200 meters, 500 meters, 800 meters races, mini marathons and several other athletic events. I have played cricket and table tennis at school, district, divisional and regional level, soccer and hockey at school level and squash, badminton and chess at club level. In the context, I would also like to mention that I have also lead the house and school cricket and table tennis teams. I was the Vice Capta
in of my entire house and have also served as an acute prefect and monitor of the class and school for several terms. I am also a benign volunteer for community services and was nominated as the Head Boy of the school. </p>

<p>The greatest driving factor behind my devotion, are the careers pursued by several personnel whom I know and who are holding the apex office in their respectable organization, after acquiring their degree. As studying in such a prestigious institution is more than academic celerity. It induces self-confidence and a sense of creativity among the individuals, which assists them through out their life under all circumstances. To be succinct it is a Nirvana of great academic, co-curricular, extra-curricular, athletic, sporting and outdoor activities. Where a juvenile can follow his natural instinct, which is almost impossible to fulfil in several other places. This transforms a callow personality by leaps and bounds in to an intellectual sage.</p>

2

<p>k you're validictorian, so if you brought your sats up like 40-50 which isnt that hard, you'll be in, all of those</p>

3

<p>I assume you are an international student? Harvard, Yale and MIT are going to be high reaches for you, but then, they are for everyone. Get your SAT scores up if possible, that will help. Unfortunately, there is nothing that really jumps out at me as differentiating you from other Asian international students. Think about this as a sales job - why should a top school take you? What do you have to offer that is different from the 20,000 plus other applicants that have done science fairs, who are validictorians, received good grades and made even better SAT scores than you? When you find that special something, stress that in your application and recommendations. I'd also suggest that you consider adding a few safeties to your list such as U of Michigan, Purdue, Boston U, University of Southern California, or the University of Rochester (just suggestions, not saying these are the schools you should apply to in the end).</p>

<p>When writing your college admissions essays, try to avoid using large words merely to impress. I also would not stress that you come from a very educated family as that doesn't set you apart at all from other applicants. A picture of who YOU are does not emerge from your personal statement. Show, don't tell about your background and personality by using real examples of things that have happened in your life not large impressive words. I'd suggest you read the information here on college confidential that offers suggestions on writing good essays. Good luck to you.</p>

4

<p>Yeah, I don't mean to be harsh but your personal statement is a big obstacle. Colleges are looking for creative deep people, and your essay doesn't come across that way. Your personal statement is preachy/ boring. Its great that you want to be a professional and come from a good family, but your accomplishments are on your resume. It will really hurt, not help you to put those there. I really think it needs a lot of work. And WAY too many big words. Everyone has a thesaurus, its knowing how to use it. Colleges want to know who you are, what makes you tick. Not what your parents want. A story about your childhood and how you realized you were meant to be an engineer written in simple terms will go alot farther than this. I will write an example couple lines to show you what I am talking about...</p>

<p>Crash! My heart sunk into the ground as my model car got crushed by a passing taxi. At age six that model car was the world, but now it seems like just another lost toy. More importantly, however, was that then, just as now, engineering and constructing things has been a major part of my life.</p>

<p>Ever since I can remember I have been tinkering with toys....blah..blah...write about how you realize you have a gift of making things....that translates into your desire to be an engineer....</p>

<p>See what I mean? Its easier to get drawn into. As Carolyn suggests, my advice is to get a book on good essay writing and see what works. </p>

<p>Fixing this should be job #1. Other than that I suggest trying to get the SAT up 100 pts and you should be in good range for some Ivies. I also suggest adding Northwestern and Cornell, both good schools that are easier to get into than most on your list.</p>

5

<p>I agree with basically what everyone else has said.
Try to improve your SAT. I understand you are an international student but at least another 50 points or so would really help you. </p>

<p>The most important thing for you to did is work on the essay. There seems to be no identity or substance in your essay. If you want to sound off putting and holier than thou then use that essay. In an essay you should focus on one key aspect of your personality. DO NOT repeat exactly what is already on you application. They know that you have these grades and what you do. If you want to focus on oration then think about one time that you remember vividly debating someone and the thrill that came from it. Write about somthing that you are passionate about and not just vaugely about everything. Take that thesaurus away from the computer. When ever you write something write how you feel and use whatever words come up. You can go back and change things to make the words flow or occasionally use a some larger words from a thesaurus but you are jamming them in there like you are trying to show off.</p>

6

<p>Check your word usage. If your motivating force is "tenuous," you probably aren't very interested in a specific college. Few colleges would want a student's curiosity to be "mollified". Nor can I imagine many who would desire a student with a "prolific" personality. There are many similar errors in your essay. You may want to scrap this essay and try again, using words more familiar to you. </p>

<p>I'm guessing you are an international student. Think of an experience which might seem mundane to you, but would be interesting to a person reading your essay in the US. Such a topic would not only show who you are, but also grab the attention of someone who has to plow through thousands of essays in a few short weeks.</p>

7

<p>You take URDU??? That is so cool!!
You are an amazing candidate for all of those schools BUT, like everyone else says-
Your essay is boring. I read the first paragraph and nearly fell asleep. Make it more creative, and scrap the beginning.</p>

8

<p>Mawali,</p>

<p>Sorry to reiterate what's already been said, but I read you took TOEFL (and did quite well). The essay sounds like you gathered all the practice English language vocabulary SAT words and tried to use as many of them as possible, sometimes 6 or 8 in one sentence, sorry but it almost sounds comical in that way. I'm sure with some direction you'll be able to do fine.</p>

9

<p>I'm not sure what you mean when you call your respective schools IVs, the roman numeral 4. The IVY league, so called beacuse they are the oldest and ivy grows on the buildings, is a group of 8 schools that play each other in sports. These schools are Harvard, Princeton, Yale, U Penn, Cornell, Columbia, Brown, and Dartmouth. Duke and MIT are not in this group. Just thought you should know.</p>

<p>Anyways, your academics are top notch. Your SAT score is holding you back, a high verbal score is very important. Your extracurriculars are average and seem to be mostly sports. Your essay isn't what these schools are looking for. They want more a more relaxed writing style about something exciting or unusual. How about writing a story about a particular cricket match? That would be really interesting! You don't seem comfortable with the words you're using and they're not really impressing anybody. Don't be afraid to just use the words that come out of your heart. Clearly your writing skills are not the best, as your SAT 2 score indicates. I don't mean to be harsh but by telling you these things, I hope you will improve your presentation of yourself. Good luck.</p>

10

<p>Mawali, too many SAT words in your essay. The key is simplicity, and sincerity. Most of the words are out of context. Just scrap the entire essay, sit down and think about it, and write from the heart. I don't want to sound mean, but your statement will not be read beyond the first few lines.</p>

11

<p>When I went to harvard and MIT i got the feelin from the presentation that its a lot harder to get in as a international than from the states. If this is true you are already up against a barrier, it would really be great if you had some incredible "hook" to get you in. Same goes for all you other international applicants.</p>

12

<p>i agree with fish. Your essay can virtually apply to all of those schools. Why do you like Harvard exactly?</p>

<p>For example, when i wrote the emory essay, i talked about their newspaper, the alloy, the neighborhood, little five points, etc. You need SPECIFICS.</p>

13

<p>This is other personal essay: </p>

<p>The decision of my parents, to transfer me to The City School, Karachi and to change the system of education to British, directed my callow life towards the ever-augmenting track of cerebral celerity. I don’t know how it happened, but it surely extracted the crux of my personality, refining the naïve attitude of living into an erudite approach towards life.</p>

<p>The tedious journey of self recognition was initiated in the midst of blithe spring in Punjab, when my father decided to transfer me to Karachi in 2001, for pursuing O’ and A’ Levels away from home. This eloquent statement came as a bolt from the blue and left me in delirious dilemma but I soon accepted fate’s decision with tantalizing reluctance. In the event, I would like to mention that this clairvoyant decision carved the articulated path for my blissful, urbane and prolific future.</p>

<p>Accompanied by numerous assiduous traits, which I discovered during my sagacious stay at The City School (PAF Chapter), including innovation, determination, being equivalent to challenges, self-organization, public speaking, sportsman spirit and the innate ability to work sedulously, the biggest drawback of my personality was initial shyness, which kept me from playing a key role in several areas, at the beginning of my academic journey in Karachi. But there was a drastic change in my personality, because of the blatant rejection from a quiz competition in year 2001, which was also the harbinger for future metamorphosis in my personality. Things soon started taking shape and I became involved in curricular and co-curricular activities, along with preparation of well-organized projects and software and inclusion in school sports and quiz teams for several events. This was all due to my determination and unwavering learning attitude. My assiduous and diligent aspiration for long cherished goals finally elevated me to secure 8 As (by the grace of God), at a percentage of 93.2% in O’ Levels. After my O’ Levels, I faced few unexpected admission problem but despite initial problems and other administrative mishaps, I managed to get admission in the dream school for A-Levels, to replete my desire of competition and self-management. </p>

<p>On one rare occasion in the academic arena of A’ Levels, these acutely arduous admission problems apprehended me to an abyss of convolution, resulting in an average examination result but my instinctive ever-challenging nature ameliorated my confidence and I managed to attain 3 honour awards at an overall percentage of 95%, along with accolade winning presentations, projects and exhibitions. Finally, culminating into 3As in AS’ Level. Another greatly eventful year came to a blissful end in June 2004, with appreciation from teachers and ‘time’ which initially snubbed me. I hope this year will again prove to be a symbolic success for me, and my future and will personify my aim of being the best. As very rightfully said by Ben Hecht: </p>

<p>“ Time is a circus, always packing up and moving away ”</p>

<p>These experiences inculcated the attributes of a true student and a rugged warrior. The time, which I spent in this benevolent institution was extremely fruitful and was the most meticulous period of my life, contributing immensely towards my personality build-up. The future’s prospective and astronomical institution will fulfill the rest of the adamant task, to shape my complete personality. Today, I proudly stand with my head up only to bow before God because of whom I attained so much in a miniscule epoch. Thus I now consider myself, as a person with much to gain and nothing to lose approach, who was once like a cat on hot bricks, but is now predisposed of taking any bull by the horns. I would like to conclude with one of my favourite quotation by Strickland Gillian:</p>

<p>“ Just stand aside and watch yourself go by,
Think of yourself as ‘he’ instead of ‘I’ ”</p>

14

<p>how can reluctance be tantalizing?
how can traits be assiduous?
why did you say sagacious stay?</p>

<p>umm you get the point. I don't think admissions officers are going to be impressed by SAT words, especially if you are using them in a horribly incorrect way. My advice is use a dictionary and make sure the words you toss in there make sense in respect to the context they are put into.</p>

15

<p>Ummm, it hurts to read your essays. Lose the incorrectly used vocab! It WON'T help you I promise.</p>

<p>I hate to be a jerk, but you need a LOT of work. No one cares about how you got good grades or your parents education. Do you have anything else important in your life. What do you LOVE. What are your PASSIONS!</p>

16

<p>ok, so i read the first paragraph of the essay and i can't even get past that. I don't care, or even know what half those words mean. That is def not a smooth easy to read riding style, its very choppy. It just hurts me eyes to read. Please write a real essay, with words used by real people, not graduates with a PhD in Vocab</p>

17

<p>The thing is 70% of those word are used incorrectly. Even if they were correct, don't use them!!</p>

18

<p>I think honestly its a culture clash issue (I am indian too but from the states). Mawali, even though your academic efforts are great, they already show up in your transcript. You need to write not only about your accomplishments, but about who you are as a person. Think of a challenge you have faced, not related to grades.</p>

19

<p>Seems like we just gave this advice.</p>

20

<p>Yeah, has he never thought of anything besides grades?</p>