Confused--clueless about college finances

Parents Forum
1

<p>Hi all,</p>

<p>I'm a sophomore in college (how fast it goes by!), attending an out of state university as a receipent of big merit money (thank you, college!:)). My parents pay abiout $3,400 to $3,500 a semester in tuition/fees and room and board, about $550 a semester in books, and about $420 a semester in Greek dues (they chose to pay them--I've offered). So, basically, my parents pay around $7,000 in "standard" (tuition/fees/room/board) costs and $2,000 in "other" costs--I've tried to bring them down the best I can (for example, opting for a cheaper meal plan after I joined my sorority).</p>

<p>The issue here is that my parents simply REFUSE to discuss family finances with me and always have. For example, sometimes my father acts annoyed at paying for my college, even though it was below both our (tough but maybe do-able) EFC of about $24,000 and his general, "I'll pay this cost" of $20,000. I know this is cheap in the general world of college (probably about the same cost as our in-state publics in our current state and cheaper than our IS publics in the state where I went to HS [we moved after I graduated). Because I chose such an affordable school, my parents are paying out of pocket, allowing me to save my college fund/savings for grad. school. The thing is, my dad sometimes grumbles about paying for my college, but I'm not sure if this is just general grumbling about spending money in general or if the cost is a problem, and if I try to ask, I get "shut down." </p>

<p>This isn't new--when I first started looking at colleges as a sophomore in HS, I asked my parents what they could afford, and they said "apply anywhere." I did and got into a school with a COA of $45,000+ (a scholarship received after a while after the acceptance notification brought that down to around $24,000 per year), and my dad just BALKED.</p>

<p>I'm considering applying for a program that would give me a $5,000 per year stipend for two years in exchange for working for the state CPS for two years after graduation (1 year for each year of the stipend received), and if (a big "if") I qualify, a big factor in my decision to apply would be how much my family needs the extra help... but I can't get my dad or mom to give me a clear picture, and my mom and dad seem to be on different pages regaurding finances (mom said they would help pay for grad. school; dad said they won't; mom said they bwould help pay for insurance post-graduation if necessary [I'm only insurable through ultra-expensive state "high risk pools" or employee coverage]; dad said they won't--yes, they're married)...</p>

<p>How do I get my parents to open up to me about college finances...?</p>

<p>Thanks!</p>

2

<p>Your parents sounds exactly like mine. They chose to pay for my college education and complain about it when they pay for it. My dues are $3,500 per semester. </p>

<p>By the way what is: "and $2,000 in "other" costs"</p>

3

<p>Parents can be funny. My parents asked me to design them a house. (I'm an architect.) I kept asking about budget, but they wouldn't give me a number. Then when the number was too big we had to redesign. Argh. I expect your Dad just enjoys complaining.</p>

4

<p>Tobia, this might be part of the "letting go" process. Give your parents time; they will probably open up although slowly. Although I was always very clear about my commitments to supporting her through college, I never gave my daughter much information about our finances when she was your age, mostly because she's a goof. She's brilliant, and I love her, but, she's a goof. So it took me some time to share that level of information with her, and it all happened incrementally, over time. </p>

<p>So just keep doing what you're doing; I bet your parents will soon relax and start to share.</p>

5

<p>My guess would be he just likes to complain, my DH complains every term when he transfers money to our students, even if it is planned, it still "hurts" So, do a great job, and show him it was a worthwhile investment.</p>

<p>I would be really upset if my students were partying, flunking classes, not on track to gradaute, or otherwise squandering the money. It is just hard to pay that money out, even when you want to, so be appreciative. But, if you Dad says he can pay, then it's fair for you expect him to do so.</p>

6

<p>is a head game. Better learn the rules. </p>

<p>Lets use $20,000 cash to pay your college costs per year. Your parents had either saved and invested, or borrowed, or earned this money. Your job is to figure out what did or does it take to get that $20,000/year. When you got that figured out, then you will have earned your college education. Is there any other reason for you to go to college?</p>