I thought I would start a thread to share the ways in which we parents have found to connect with our kids at boarding school/ or lessons learned. It has taken a little bit of trial and error and creativity over the past few years, so I’m curious to know what others have done, or other best practices in this space.
Here are my first few lessons-learned:
-
I naively worried that I would not be “parenting as much” or that my relationship with my daughter would suffer. It did not. I see my daughters less often of course, but honestly, our relationship is just as strong as ever! And I also think that the space has been a positive thing for the siblings weirdly – they have always been close, but now they have some space, so they facetime, snapchat all the time, and now on school breaks, no one really argues. It’s actually a total joy. :).
-
SNAPCHAT – we joined snapchat for the sole purpose of connecting with our BS kids! We found that meeting the kids where THEY were (snapchat), instead of where WE were (text) has been a great strategy. My husband and I have an alarm at 7:40 pm every night, and we send a joint snapchat pretty every single night to say goodnight. And, 99% of the time, they snapchat back. I will also say that the first month of each kid being away, we agreed with the girls that they would send us a quick video snapchat – even 10 seconds – every day, or almost every day. this way, we could see their eyes and hear their voice and really get a sense that they were doing OK. We just wanted to track how they were doing that first month. And in general they all FaceTime us just to catch up several times a week (almost too much if I’m totally honest because with 4 kids, we spend a LOT of time on FaceTime – but of course, we wouldn’t have it any other way). :).
-
I just started this last year, but I now ask the girls what book they are reading for English (or other classes) and I get the same book and read it too. This started because I wanted to be able to discuss with them, but truth is, they read pretty quickly at school and time flies. BUT, I do think that just knowing I’m reading the same book makes them feel more connected! And they feel more motivated to follow up with how they did on their paper/assignment on that book, etc.
Anyway, I’m curious what other BS parents do that they have found helpful!!
3 Likes
This is a great idea for a thread!
We have found that a little bit of physical distance during the teen years hasn’t put any emotional distance in our family relationships. If anything, we’re closer than ever.
We use Discord and have made a channel called Familycord so we can video chat with each other. My 2 boys are at 2 different schools (it used to be 2 different boarding schools and now it’s one in college and the other still at boarding school), so having a way for us all to connect right from the start was important, especially for their sister who is still at home.
Sometimes we’ll text too. My oldest son would usually call on Discord after study hall or if he had a specific message then before or after dinner. My middle son, who started at a junior boarding school, only had access to tech in the evenings. We decided not to get him a phone because he wouldn’t have enough access to it and because dyslexia meant texting wasn’t natural for him. Now he’s at a high school level boarding school, and he has his tech (phone and computer) much more often. The dyslexia support at both junior boarding school and his current school has helped enough that he he’s comfortable texting. He’ll also frequently call on video chat (Discord) with questions about homework.
I always find out the books for English too although I don’t get to read them all. It’s always so interesting to hear what they’re reading and what they think of the stories.
1 Like
Great idea @Calliemomofgirls!
We’ve found it helpful to follow the Instas and Twitters for their various teams, clubs, etc. It’s more of a “window into” than “direct connection with” but fun regardless.
1 Like
oh great point! Twitter especially for us was “real time” info on sports events, although most of those are live-streamed.
1 Like
Great ideas all! I would have never thought of Snapchat as a way to stay in touch… will do that for sure! thanks!!
I’ll add that for the books – I have the libby app and I tend to just grab the kids’ books and listen to them right away. (in other words, I don’t run out and buy all the books, or wait for delivery). Listening to the book on my libby app while I drive, or take the dogs on a walk, etc has been enough to enable me to have conversations with the kids within 24 hours of them mentioning a book to me.
Snapchat – we use it for the nightly check in, but we do still use text for normal communications. We have a family text and a BS girls text thread and use them all frequently. Plus, we sometimes have a BS kid FaceTime into our Sunday brunch (family tradition – we have family brunch every single Sunday of our lives pretty much, even if it’s just husband and me – so kids know they can pop in if they want. They also know that we mentioned each kid’s name at Sunday brunch whether they are there or not, as it is a family brunch no matter where the family is. :).
2 Likes
Love these ideas - thank you! Since I have a boy that often sends one word text updates, I have been bracing myself for less communication. I assumed I’d find myself scouring school social media posts for rare “sightings” of my kid, similar to looking through sleep away camp photo dumps for signs my kids were alive and had changed their clothing, back in the day 
Snapchat is a great suggestion.
3 Likes
Ha! Feeling the same about my daughter and scanning photos. Thankfully, her school has a program that does facial recognition and automatically tags photos each student is in so the parent can see them quickly and efficiently instead of scrolling through the hundreds in their Flickr account each day. I love that the school also takes pics of kids heading off to class each morning - daily sightings are possible! 
2 Likes
OMG facial recognition? What school is that?? AMAZING!!
It’s Proctor Academy in NH. They take the pictures and they utilize a third-party service that scans them (like Google Photos for your own personal photos) and then tags them for parents to quickly and easily find their own kids. The school has hundreds of student photos each day, so this makes it much more manageable.
1 Like