<p>Chapter 9: Hagrid the Gamekeeper. </p>
<p>Hagrid rescued Harry Potter from the Dudleys. He. . .</p>
<p>
+1 to you.</p>
<p>i dont get it.</p>
<p>The woman next to Lemon had protuberant eyes. Lemon proceeded to undress her. After he was finished with her a man in a coat came in with a…</p>
<p>. . .a knife. The man was piissed off that I slept with his girlfriend, and he wanted to knife me into lemon juice.</p>
<p>How awful.</p>
<p>There was only one thing to do. </p>
<p>I. . .</p>
<p>Took my pants off and had sex with his ginger girlfriend some more. She did some things he had never seen before and was entranced by the whole thing. As we finished harmonically, the man was struck with such passion that he dropped his knife, dropped to his knees and began to weep profusely. We came over to him and gave him a hug, he told us about how he had forgotten how much love the world could have. He told us how his mother abandoned him when he was 4. We sat on my sofa and talked some more, his girlfriend got dressed in my t-shirt and polka-dot boxers. We ordered a pizza and watched some seinfeld while we told each other our life stories. He had grown tired, so I told him that he could spend the night in the guest room, he accepted my offer and thanked me. His girlfriend and I went back to my room for another round. Two hours and a lot of moaning later, we went to sleep together.</p>
<p>A couple weeks had passed and the three of us had gotten along better. Bob, Marie’s Girlfriend, had told us that he had never been to disney land before. We took him the following day. He rode every single ride twice, ate a bunch of Cotton candy, and spent 10$ on a mickey mouse balloon. We were about to ride the teacup ride when he saw me and his girlfriend kissing. He then remembered that I was screwing his girlfriend and proceeded to kick my ass. I will never forget the day I got my ass whooped in Disney Land by Bob, as Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck carried us away he shouted “You’re dead man! DEAD!”</p>
<p>Fin</p>
<p>(The End)</p>
<p>Chapter 9: The sun was old. The sun. . .</p>
<p>@maddog Wayyyy too long, but epically hilarious</p>
<p>…decided that it was sick of supporting earthlings because, let’s face it, we all suck, so it made a plan to burn us to death before it died.</p>
<p>Meanwhile back at earth, scientists discovered this but all the scientists were killed by General Juicer the global dictator. Juicer declared shortly afterwards that he would be creating a mass genocide of lemons.</p>
<p>He theorised that the lemons had been plotting a rebellion, as was evidenced by their increasing tendency to squirt into the eyes of humans. His deranged mind figured that the only thing to do was eradicate them completely. He began by…</p>
<p>appointing Bob (kicker of Lemon @$$es and former Marie’s Boyfriend) to build a monsterous exterminating device known as THE LEMONADER and to wear goggles</p>
<p>THE LEMONADER’s sole functionality was to vacuum lemons, especially hairy ones, and churn, blend, chop, dice those hapless victims into. . .</p>
<p>LEMONADE. </p>
<p>Bob, however, had a problem. He found a lemon that was too hairy for THE LEMONADER. . .</p>
<p>making lemonade</p>
<p>The lemons got angry, and elected their lead THE HAIRY LEMON to defeat the dictator.</p>
<p>^^^What the… you changed your post!</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Why, yes I did bsmd. </p>
<p>Now, join me in the quest to defeat The Dictator and THE LEMONADER, my kin is in danger of being massacred to extinction. D:</p>
<p>But then the andromeda galaxy got the munchies from smoking too much star dust and decided to go eat the Milky way Galaxy. Meanwhile back at earth, the scientists have discovered that the andromeda galaxy is closing in on the milky way. They told the Lemonader and the Juicy Dictator about this problem. They both decided to settle their differences in order to fight this threat. Both the Lemonader and the Juicy Dicktator had to come up with a plan. The Lemonader asked everybody what they did when they got the munchies. They replied “We get more pot!” so the Lemonader suddenly was struck by the back hand of inspiration. He proposed that everybody build the galaxy’s most giant weed brownie ever made. He called upon every stoner in the world to come help. In 43 days it was finished. They tied it to 5,000 rockets and sent it blasting off far far away from the milky way galaxy. Meanwhile in space…the brownie went wizzing past the andromeda galaxy. Andy (Andromeda Galaxy) saw this brownie and proceeded to chase it.</p>
<p>It was this day that planet earth celebrated their defeat over their neighbor galaxy. What did they do to celebrate? Why…they smoked pot of course! Oh yes, lots and lots of pot. Infact, the Lemonader and the Juicinator decided to call it truce and make drugs legal worldwide. A new flag, made out of hemp, was adorned as the new flag of earth. Its symbol is a marijuana plant. with rasta colored stripes, similar to the american flag.</p>
<p>The end</p>
<p>^The lemonader is a machine not a person. But I like the idea</p>
<p>ALTERNATE ENDING VERSION: THE HAIRY LEMON and formed an army of lemons to defeat THE LEMONADER. Within moments after the decree humans were running in the streets blind from the mass amounts of lemon juice in the street. General Juicers army was destroyed and he was juiced to death. Bob magically disappeared with the fear he wouldn’t be in the next story. The lemons became the dominant species for all of 2 minutes because the sun came and destroyed planet earth.
The end (again)</p>
<p>ALTERNATE, SHORT VERSION:</p>
<p>In other words, THE HAIRY LEMON triumphed over THE LEMONADER. </p>
<p>My kin will happily live to witness 2012, all the while getting high. </p>
<p>The End. (again.)</p>
<p>Ok, so what’s chapter 10?</p>