<p>They had never seen such a hand in their lives…</p>
<p>It was a pair of jokers. He lost all his money and went his home (which would be foreclosed) and cried so much that his tears melted the space-time-continuum and he went back in time to 1894! He crashed into a british church on top of a hill and because he had no last name (you can’t say you didn’t see this coming) HE BECAME WINSTON CHURCHILL. He went on to be the prime minister in england during WWII and died in 1951.</p>
<p>BUT WAIT! His death was forged! He merely vanished into thin air and ended up in the middle of World War III. I can only wonder what this war could be about…AHEM, that’s the next person’s cue!</p>
<p>EDIT: Umm…minor detail flaw. He must have been hallucinating about seeing a royal flush. It’s not easy going from human to turkey to human right?</p>
<p>…well at least, that’s what HE said. Unfortunately, his acting could made Shakespeare groan in his grave, his ‘flawless’ face made babies cry and his singing caused birds to drop dead. Desperate to free the world of the plague of his atrocious acting, Professor P. Issed decided to craft a NEW star: the Punk Pineapple. The Punk Pineapple could sing like no other and his sweet tropical scent completely bewitched the audience. Unfortunately, the Punk Pineapple…</p>
<p>was illegal in this current year of 2020. President Rebecca Black ruled that if she couldn’t have a good singing voice, no one could. Which led the punk pineapple to…</p>
<p>and seeing who’s seeing would burst the tomatoes in air to Obama or the eardrums of Obama.
A red, squishy tomato was launched in the air. Obama closed his eyes and …</p>
<p>…groaned as the first barrage of tomatoes hit him. Meanwhile, Harry, the Boy who Was Born To Be A Star (see the sixth comment above this one if you are completely befuddled and confused as to who Harry is), was completely annoyed at the attention that Ms. Black and the Punk Pineapple were receiving. And not just the ‘Oh-no-I-stubbed-my-toe-annoyed’ type but the ‘I-am-going-to-impale-someone-with-a-giant-pogo-stick-annoyed’ type of annoyed. So Harry grabbed his trusty pogo stick and chose his victim…</p>
<p>Ke$ha, of course! A god awful singer herself, she committed suicide after losing the presidential election of 2020. She decided that she and Tito could avenge their deaths. They would create a mass army of the angels of heaven! A great storm would ensue upon the living and curse all who sing badly and and all who support bad music (Boy, that’s like 95% of the United States population!). Meanwhile…</p>
<p>…Ms. Black was screeching over the loss of attention as all the news reporters ran to interview Harry. And the Punk Pineapple was a bit busy himself, trying to avoid a group of hungry health-conscious fans who wished to turn him into a smoothie. To add to the confusion was Professor P. Issed, who was desperately trying to capture Ms. Black and Harry in order to perform experiments to figure out what exactly caused them to sing so horrendously. And not the nice let’s-make-a-volcano-out-of-play-dough kind of experiments but the somewhat-deadly-and-totally-illegal-mad-scientist kind. With all the reports pressing in on him, Harry was claustrophobic and used his giant pogo stick to…</p>