<p>I just don’t get why you would care what other parents think about the size of your contribution to the school’s annual fund. Everyone makes choices about what causes they want to support and in what ways (volunteer service, monetary, etc). The only time I would ever get a bit judge-y about this is if I knew that some uber-wealthy family wasn’t giving at least somewhat generously to the fund – if they can afford it, then why wouldn’t they. But I’m talking only about the very few people where you know for a fact that they have tons of disposable income. Otherwise it just wouldn’t be on my radar screen at all.
Now, a wholly separate issue in my mind is what you personally feel that you would like to give. If you have some money essentially set aside for charitable contributions and the school is an organization that you would like to support (not because it will make you look good in the eyes of other parents, but because you believe it a worthy entity that will use the money wisely), then by all means give what you feel you can and want to. As far as how it might impact your financial aid situation, I’m sure none of use here know that for sure, but I would guess that the amount of money makes a big difference in that analysis. In other words, if you’re talking about giving $2500, I wouldn’t think that FA people would think that’s a problem (certainly they recognize that not literally every single penny is going to the BS expenses); on the other hand, if you’re talking about giving $25,000, I suppose that might well cause them to wonder whether you need less aid the next year. </p>
<p>@ChoatieMom - Where did I say the school published the exact amount? It is tiered, just like it is done at my university and grad school.</p>
<p>I think it is naive to think that people dont care about how much others give. It is precisely why schools 1) create these tiers 2) design them with a fair amount of resolution and then 3) publish the list for all to see</p>
<p>Published Donor lists and tiers hardly provide anyone with a complete picture of one family’s generosity or lack there of. There are many ways to give so you can’t automatically assume one published amount is the full extent of one family’s giving. Some families give anonymously or thru Foundations and Corporations (without a recognizable name attached), or give specified gifts ( under the radar- directed to certain areas of the school that have nothing to do with the AF), or they underwrite speakers and other events. Some parents open their home when Admissions is on the road or host a luncheon for new parents- with absolutely no fanfare. I could go on and on listing ( large and small) unsung examples of giving that never get published… but I’m pretty sure you get the idea. </p>
<p>A growing number of people are giving token amounts now and thru Development (and their Estate) have made arrangements for a “Planned Gift” in the future. You won’t see those names and gifts published now. </p>
<p>So- unless a family is out there (shouting from the rooftops) or taking advantage of every photo op offered to them- it’s virtually impossible to know anyone’s true level of giving.</p>
<p>And- IMHO- that’s the way it should be. </p>
<p>RoomNacht: I was only asking because your posts seem to indicate concern that other families would know just how much you gave. If it’s only tiers, why the concern? You say that these other families who give significant amounts have no idea you’re on FA. They should also have no idea what your giving strategy is either.</p>
<p>This is what I do with ALL the charities to which I donate. My wife and I give what we believe we can and, in addition, we require that our gift is anonymous. This way we pay back to organizations, help support programs, support the drives, and in no way get involved in the public discussion on donations.</p>
<p>If FA families wrote big checks, they should not be on financial aid, right? No one expects a big or even moderate donation. It’s all about participation - truly. I work a lot with a mother of twin seven year old girls whose daughters attend a private day school in Virginia. She is a single mother and makes $60k a year in a salon. Her kids are very bright and the school admitted them two years ago and provides 50% FA. She struggles every month to make ends meet. When she is asked to donate cash, she’ll send in $25 - $50, which is really hard for her to do. Never let the school, or the ease with which other parents might be able to write big checks, make you feel bad about yourself or self-conscious. Participation wins the day, each according to their ability.</p>
<p>Excuse my ignorance, but what exactly is a “moderate” or “large” donation?</p>
<p>I don’t have time to read through this entire thread, but I saw the headline and wanted to add my two cents as someone who works in nonprofit fundraising and whose child has also been the recipient of FA. My recommendation to the OP is that you consider the suggested amount the school makes for your gift each year (most independent schools are very sophisticated in this regard) and, if possible, meet that request. </p>
<p>Don’t stretch yourself beyond what your can afford, but don’t be one of those families who rationalize that you shouldn’t give at all because you’re on FA. Participation in the AF is as important, to some degree, as the amount, but people should give as generously as they are able. I also wouldn’t recommend giving anonymously (unless you’re making a major gift) because it’s important that families see that other families are participating.</p>
<p>IMHO, if you’re accepting to a tuition break of anywhere from 25% to 100% off the total COA, you should be willing and able to give $50 to $250 a year to the school. </p>
<p>I’ve been a class agent at my son’s school for four years and make calls throughout the year to other parents in his class. I can’t tell you how frustrating it’s been for me as a parent to see some fellow FA families making ZERO gifts over four years to the school. I deduce their FA status based on the very nominal gifts ($25/yr) they’re asked to make. Some challenge grants are actually contingent upon 100% participation, and nothing speaks to the quality of a school than a high percentage of parent and alumni giving. For the life of me, unless there are dire extenuating circumstances, I don’t understand an unwillingness to make even a modest gift.</p>
<p>Once you’re no longer paying tuition for high school or college, or if your financial situation changes for the better, remember what your child’s school has done for you and make a larger gift. I would also highly recommend continuing to make an annual gift to the school into the future and encouraging your child to do the same. Regular giving is highly valued by most institutions and is much more manageable over the long haul than one large gift.</p>
<p>Hope that helps!</p>
<p>@LucieTheLakie- Did your son attend a private day or boarding school? </p>
<p>Day, but it is very expensive. I think I would approach my giving similarly if he were at a boarding school.</p>
<p>I was curious because I’ve never been contacted by a BS parent asking for funds- JBS or SS. Development Office staff and Alums- yes, but never a parent acting on behalf of the BS. I think if a BS parent called me and asked for a donation, I’d be put out and I’d complain to the Development Office Head- but that just me. :)</p>
<p>I appreciate your response! </p>
<p>Sorry, @PhotographerMom, I should have been more clear on that. </p>
<p>I’m actually one of three “class agents” for my son’s class (‘14)–something I volunteered to do when he arrived at the school four years ago for high school since I know it’s a thankless task but also recognize how important annual giving is to most schools’ bottom lines. All that title really means is that I sign some solicitation letters that go out to the parents of my son’s classmates and I end up privy to more detailed information over time as I become aware of which families are harder to “persuade” to give, etc. </p>
<p>The fact that I’ve spent 30+ years in nonprofit fundraising–including running annual funds–likely makes me more sensitive to a lot of what’s going on behind the scenes too. Add to that that this is a school that, because of its premium price, we could only afford with some very generous FA (we essentially pay what we paid for my son’s previous private school–no small amount but a huge discount over what full-pay families are shelling out), and I like to think I understand (and empathize with) the perspective of pretty much all the relevant parties. </p>
<p>For those who are fortunate enough to be able to be full pay (and forgive me if I’m offending anyone but that’s EXACTLY how I looked at it when we were full pay at the previous school), be aware that FA families often walk on eggshells to some degree. I like to think most of us are extremely grateful for the opportunities that have been afforded our kiddos, but we also know some full-pay families might resent the FA recipients, so it can be awkward at times. This particular school has a very firm wall between admissions and FA requests and, for that matter, the development office, but I’m sure that’s not the case at all schools. No one at the school tells me which families I’m calling receive FA and which are full pay; as I said in my previous post, I’m inferring that on my own, based on the modest suggested amounts the call sheets include for each family, where the family lives, etc. (Or it could just be that those families have NEVER given and the school is just hoping to get ANYTHING at this point.)</p>
<p>The school itself communicates to families in a variety of ways to let them know about each year’s annual giving campaign. There’s usually an email blast early in the fall letting everyone know that an early gift will remove their name from the solicitation lists for the rest of the year (yay!) and will help save on paper mailings, etc. But several “phonathons” are scheduled throughout the year, and they are staffed by parent and alumni volunteers. I would ONLY ever call during one those sessions, and I always identify myself as LucieTheLakie, LakieSon’s mom, calling from the phonathon, etc. </p>
<p>I’m not sure if your never having been called by a fellow parent is a BS school thing per se or it could just mean you give early enough in the school year that you never have to take one of those calls! Or it could be that because most parents are so far removed from campus that using parents as callers just doesn’t make a lot of sense. My larger point, however, was just to advise the OP not to strain to make a gift that isn’t reasonable, given their current financial situation. Most organizations hope (and to a large extent expect) annual donors to maintain their giving at the same level–or ideally slightly higher–over the course of time. Annual gifts are “signifiers” to the development staff of what you’re willing and able to do. Of course they’re always going to try to push to get you to move up a level or two–and are thrilled with the occasional out-of-the-blue, unanticipated larger gift, but in the long run, IMHO, it’s better for everybody (school and parent) that donors seek to be consistent in their giving. Find an amount that stretches you a bit but that you feel comfortable you can maintain over the course of your DK’s time there and (ideally!) beyond. </p>
<p>If you’re thinking about making a larger gift, discuss it with the development staff, a favorite teacher/coach, or the head of school to come up with something that will make both you and the school deliriously happy! :-D</p>
<p>I hope that helps clarify a little!</p>
<p>Yes, I too am one of three Annual Fund parent liaisons for my kid’s class. Like you, Lucie, I come from a background in nonprofit and BS development. It personally drives me crazy when I hear that there is less than 100 percent participation… And that’s why I volunteered to sign letters and make phone calls. A lot of parents truly do not realize how important the participation piece is… Some feel embarrassed to send anything less than a major gift, so they don’t give at all. And some people feel that if they are paying tuition, they are ‘giving’ enough. I hope I won’t be offending anyone who takes a call from me. My mission is to get everyone to understand that it’s the participation, not the amount, that is so important. In my experience, the major gift givers usually don’t even have to be asked.</p>
<p>@Lucie, @Cameo - As class agents for are you privy to amount people give? Sounded like when someone gave $25 you were made aware of it.</p>
<p>@RoomNacht, I can’t recall exactly what the call sheets list (and they remain with the school–it’s not like anybody is making copies of them), but there’s definitely a suggested amount there and the date of their last gift, along with the amount. Any caller would be privy to this information, not just class agents. I would imagine if the parents give anonymously that information would be excluded, however.</p>
<p>Once a gift of any amount is made that person is no longer solicited, so aside from the solicitor, no one else outside the development office sees the gift amount, although all gifts are listed in donor listings at a later date (within a general range).</p>
<p>RN: No, as parent liaison I will just have names of those yet to give. (The same info that one could deduce by looking at the annual report/donor list, and seeing whose name is not there.)</p>
<p>“date of their last gift, along with the amount. Any caller would be privy to this information”</p>
<p>This is most definitely NOT COOL!!</p>
<p>You do realize that your school is taking a VERY AGGRESSIVE position on fund raising. And I suspect that anyone that volunteers to be a caller can be one. Which not only means that it is easy for anyone to get this info, but that it likely this info is not very well contained since so many people are exposed to it.</p>
<p>
What constitutes “moderate” depends on your family’s income. </p>
<p>Here are giving-level tiers for Choate:
<a href=“https://www.choate.edu/giving/onlinegiving.aspx”>https://www.choate.edu/giving/onlinegiving.aspx</a>
</p>
<p>Here’s Taft:
<a href=“http://taftschool.org/alumni/annual_fund.aspx”>http://taftschool.org/alumni/annual_fund.aspx</a></p>
<p>
</p>
<p>A “large” donation has more zeroes and often involves Caterpillar bulldozers… @-) @-) @-) </p>
<p>The daughter of a friend of mine works in the development office at a BS. While it is true that big donors are noted, she says there is a category of " active alums (and alum families)" who have given small amount consistently ($50 per year, $100 per year). She says those alums are looked upon very positively-- including when their children apply to the school. They are thought of as more “active” and supportive than those who very periodically give quite a bit larger amounts. That’s different, of course, than mega-donors, who can give really large amounts periodically and the schools are thrilled. But this whole “level” thing for people who are on FA is ridiculous-- you can’t afford to be a major donor, and that’s FINE-- either can many full-pay families, who aren’t rich, and sacrifice a lot to send their kids to BS. Just show you support the school. </p>
<p>@RoomNacht, I don’t think my son’s school is unusually aggressive at all. On the contrary actually. You do realize that all nonprofits fund-raise, and that donors are routinely listed annually? What is it exactly that you object to? Are you worried that other families will know that you only gave $25? That’s a perfectly acceptable amount if that’s what you feel you can contribute, regardless of whether you’re on FA or full-pay. It connotes a commitment to participation, which is far better than giving nothing.</p>
<p>I don’t get the defensiveness, but maybe I’m missing something here. You seem to envision people keeping tabs on what others are giving and passing judgment. I’ve never witnessed any such behavior, but if that type of thing did take place at a particular school, I sure wouldn’t want to send my kid there.</p>
<p>If you’re uncomfortable with the reality of nonprofit development practices, I suggest you consider attending public schools in the future, especially at the post-secondary level.</p>