controlling parents ???

Applying to College Common and Coalition Application
1

Hi, how can I kindly tell my parents that I respect their wishes but I would rather not have them control everything that I do? I’m expected to study all day, and my mom just told me (while I was filling out a form for a guidance counselor recommendation) that I was wasting time and I needed to study even though I was doing that the whole day. I can’t do anything (paint/draw, fool around on the guitar, don’t even get me started about Netflix and phone usage they have my social media passwords and I don’t) without asking. I know they’re doing it with good intentions, but I really feel that it is stifling my creativity and individuality because I literally am not allowed to do anything besides schoolwork (and the occasional family movie night). I can accomplish things on my own will, but I don’t think my parents think that. I cannot focus for that long on schoolwork +ACT for the whole day. Also, I’m Asian, so getting the message across may not be that easy.

Also don’t get me wrong, they still let me go to parties and see my friends (birthday parties, of course) but it’s just the day to day drag that I feel like I have my arms tied to my chair. I do everything that is considered “wasting time” when they aren’t at home, and I haven’t been able to because of quarantine LOL. I love my parents but they can be a handful.

2

I would advise you to work as hard as you can and apply to the farthest universities.

3

Personally, I think you make the argument that you need some non-academic time like that to clear your head and it will improve studying later. If they are very focused on you getting into the best school, by which they usually mean Ivy (sigh), it will be good for you to have other hobbies of interest to mention on the application. Not everyone is athletic or into clubs, but I think the art/guitar sound like great activities to explore, plus they serve to relax you and are right brained activities to balance out the other stuff so you don’t burn out…

Also agree with the apply to further universities, but the ones you want, not them. Good luck!

4

Did your parents go to college in the US and thus know how the admissions process work?

Because in the US, academics is only a small part of getting a college acceptance.
Next year, test scores will be optional at many, many colleges.
So what will matter, when faced with hundreds of students who all took the same courses and got A’s, will be who took different courses (shop, photography, culinary arts, theater tech, sculpture, Ancient Greek…) and, most importantly, what you achieved with your EC’s before and after the pandemic.

What do you do when you’re not in school?
What have you achieved that helps others?
If someone asked you your favorite non-school book, your favorite TV program, a favorite game to play with your friends, would you be able to answer truthfully and speak about something with genuine interest? (Because adcoms strongly dislike “AP robots”, these are true questions you may get).

Does your state allow you to go outside?

Do you volunteer? If not, time to start.

If your parents control your phone, you can just buy a burner phone (with preloaded credits) that you keep on your person at all times, even when you sleep. Preprogram a button so you can call a friend in case your parents veer off into threatening once they realize you’re not as easy to control.

DO NOT give them your CommonApp password BTW. Tell them it’s illegal and you have to sign something to that effect (it is true - you must be the only one dealing with your application. Adcoms try to sniff out if parents participated. Of course you’re allowed and encouraged to show your essays, etc, to teacher and your GC, but you must be in control of your application. Even your guidance counselor isn’t allowed to see the whole thing. You own it.)

5

This is bad advice but if I were in that situation, I would become the pettiest person on the planet.

Some good advice - do you have an extracurricular? Could you join one under the guise of it boosting your application? That would get you out of your house and you would make some more friends.

6

^Exactly. Since your parents presumably want you studying all the time because they think it’ll help you get into the college they want you to attend, extracurriculars such as volunteering somewhere will get you out of the house and doing something else than reading/studying 10 hours a day.

BTW, if you want to have autonomy in college (ie., to be able to choose your major and a college they may not approve of, just in case they decide to control you through money, which is more frequent than you’d think), you need the highest possible test scores. Did you take the PSAT junior year (assuming you’re a Junior)? We don’t know whether there’ll be testing this Fall, although there may be online, at-home testing.

You may enjoy the light novel Frankly in love (Frank Li has very strict parents, although his are also racist).

7

Hey, I’m in the same boat as you! Gotta love parents!! But I agree with applying to far-away colleges and looking toward that goal of living independently. Young adults need to form their own experiences and learn lessons INDEPENDENTLY! That’s why college is such a great opportunity. Additionally, I’d have a long, serious talk with them about loosening up. Communication is important, and if you still want a relationship with them when this is all over, I recommend you make your feelings clear instead of bottling them up.

8

I was going to guess Asian. This is a very common theme. Have a serious sit-down with them. See if it’s even possible to get some common ground. Have a relative help you out if possible.

There are many various ways to change parameters on your phone etc. Google is your friend here.

Your parents have to understand you can’t study your way into good grades. This can backfire for many students. I agree with needing the ECs etc to have a complete application. If not they will be the reason you don’t get into X college. You won’t even have a chance. Grades are important but not everything.