I’m not much of a presence here, but I sure could use your good thoughts (and I don’t want to put this anywhere else on social media lest the kids see it). Our 11 year old, much-beloved hound likely has a brain tumor. She has begun having seizures this week, and has had cognitive decline the past 2 days… walking in circles for hours, forgetting where her crate and food/water bowls/outside door are, stumbling about like a drunkard, etc. Prognosis is not good, nor long… But I also realize it is just a dog, and others have delivered far worse human news…
DS is at college, in the midst of midterms, and DD is at BS, finishing up winter term, and entering the biggest tradition week of the year. I am not sure what is the best situation… I kind of hope that she hangs on until spring break, but at the same time I don’t want them to see her having seizures while they’re home. Mostly I’m just fretting about how/when this will play out, and knowing that it will devastate my son, by whom this dog was adopted when he was 8. And I dread calling either with this kind of news. Anyone BTDT? Thanks…
As hard as it may be, I think your kids will appreciate knowing what’s going on. I am a teenager who has attended boarding school across the country from my family for the past 3 years and I have had to deal with tough things while away. There is no worse feeling than feeling like information was withheld from you or like you were out of the loop. It is better to just tell them upfront, so that they have time to process it. You don’t want to cause any trust issues between you and your children. This is a tough situation and I hope everything turns out alright. Best of luck!
Tell them! My parents did this to me many, many years ago, and I was remember being annoyed that they felt that finals were more important. With FaceTime you can let them say good-bye and not let the dog suffer anymore. So sorry you have to go through this!
I’m so sorry about your dog. That’s awful. I would tell them. I spent my junior year at BS abroad and my uncle died while I was there. My parents didn’t tell us until after the funeral because they didn’t want us to ask to come home. I understand why they did it, but it was really upsetting at the time.
I am very sorry. I agree with others — tell your kids. Twice in less than a year I’ve had to tell DS about deaths while he’s been away at school (one friend, one family member). Both were during finals week. I think your kids will want to know what’s going on in real time and not have sad news kept from them. DS appreciated knowing about these situations and kept himself together and did well on finals.
Years ago, I was away at school when this happened to my dog. As tough as it is, it helped me to hear the details of what happened. I wanted to know what happened to my dog, and I appreciated hearing how my parents made his final moments easier. It happened fairly quickly, so in retrospect, I’m glad I didn’t have the opportunity to go home when I was in the middle of school life (classes, tests, performances, etc.).
With respect, this is also part of what happens when a kid goes away and life continues on at home.
While at BS, we had to tell our son that one of his very close friends had died in a Jeep roll-over accident and, at college last year, we needed to make the decision to put his cat down. These were the worst calls we ever had to make, but we made them both immediately. He wanted to see his cat one last time, so we arranged a FaceTime call. It was very hard for us to see tears in our adult son’s eyes, but it was the right thing to do, and it gave him some closure being part of the process no matter how awful it was. I’m very sorry about your dog and the grief this is causing your family, but don’t deny or downplay the importance of your beloved pet’s last days in your children’s lives. Our son echoed @cababe97’s feeling of not wanting information withheld or being left out of this final loop.
Very sorry to hear about your dog, and thanks to everyone contributing to this thread. I’ve wondered about this too, and its good to hear these perspectives, as everyone’s advice goes what would have been my own natural inclination.
When I got seriously ill 11 years ago, I promised my kids-- then ages 10, 8 and 5-- that I would always tell them the truth. No, I wouldn’t interrupt their math test with bad news, but I would never hide the truth from them. So they knew they would never have to worry that things were worse than they knew. (Though, of course at those young ages the news was put in terms they could understand.)
That agreement has served us well. When my husband was in ICU for 11 days, and I had the insurance policy out, the kids knew I wasn’t hiding anything from them. Likewise, when my brother in law was on life support a few months ago-- I called my daughter at college and let her know. She had time to deal with his prognosis, and to prepare herself for the bad news that eventually followed.
I don’t think it’s fair to keep important news-- good or bad-- from others.
Awww, I’m sorry @hellomaisy, that’s so tough! I do appreciate the comments on this thread, as this is something we may have to contend with at some point this year. Although the news will be in regards to an ailing elder, and not of a pet. But even still, pets are family members, and their losses are significant.
Thank you all for your thoughtful comments. I facetimed with DS today so he could talk to her. He was quite upset, but it was the right thing to do. Thanks again
So sorry. We just went through this in the Fall. We suspected our dear old dog was declining, so went D18 left, we reminded her that our 13 year old dog had lived a nice life. I prayed the dog would make it to Thanksgiving for her return, unfortunately she had a seizure and we let our daughter know we would likely put her down if she suffered another. She told us that no matter the hour, she would want a text to let her know. So, we honored that.
A week later in the wee hours we texted D18 and drove her first dog to the wonderful people at our 24 hour vet hospital. Life is ruff, but what a joy that sweet dog brought our family. :o3
I’m so sorry, @hellomaisy! I was grateful that everyone was home when the end came for our dog two days before Christmas. You did the right thing by telling. As bad as it feels to know, it feels worse to find out the information was withheld.
This is awful…I’m so sorry you have to go through this but agree you made the right decision. My heart hurts for y’all. I frequently tell my husband I don’t know what I’d do if something happened with our puppies. I hope I’m able to handle it with the same courage and grace you’ve shown. Hugs!
I would tell them. I spent my junior year at BS abroad and my uncle died while I was there. My parents didn’t tell us until after the funeral because they didn’t want us to ask to come home. I understand why they did it, but it was really upsetting at the time.