<p>You might find that in a place like Cal, where many people take their les mainstream beliefs or attitudes to an extreme, your beliefs are more a part of your core than you thought. You may not want to explore other ideas as much as you had thought, but you will certainly have the opportunity to do so. If your family beliefs are strong they ought not feel threatened by exposure to other beliefs, though they may see it as unnecessary to have to put up with things they don't like??</p>
<p>My other siblings have just pursued technical careers, so to speak. And one moved out in his late teens but it was not to another town. The others didn't move out until much later in life, around early to mid-20's.</p>
<p>And yes they have all continued. It's basically our family structure. And yes those who do not continue will be ostracized.</p>
<p>My dad always used to be very encouraging when it came to a university-level education. In fact, when I was in middle school ordering catalogs from universities in the East, I sense he was a little excited. However, that has changed into setting other goals. Putting the religion before any other aspirations.</p>
<p>I plan to "stick with it" for a while until I have my own job and pay them back for everything. I would rather not post details because I want some anonymity on the board and nowadays with Google anything is possible.</p>
<p>I think I'll do it slowly by telling them about the programs and my aspirations and have them ease into the idea.</p>
<p>I think ultimately I will not end up in the dorms but at a member of the religion's house.</p>
<p>nglez,</p>
<p>You sound like a thoughtful and considerate person who is struggling with a difficult home life (leaving religion out of this for a minute). </p>
<p>I think first (without causing any damage) whether your parents decision to support you or not in your quest (I think you know that you will need their financial support if not anything else) is based upon either A) "We" (your parents) believe that we should keep our kids at home longer because we want to personally ensure that they keep the faith. B) We can trust a devout (heavily involved in their local church) host family to keep you faithful while away at school, but the school culture could be an issue. C) We can trust that devout host family to keep you faithful no matter where you go to school. D) We trust you to go to church on Sundays while you live with a host family of your choice from the faith. Please report back to us on the sermon each Sunday night. </p>
<p>You need to measure your parent's level of trust. If it is A, well get ready to move out and finance your own education. You'll probably need a couple years at home doing community college to get a debt-free running head start.</p>
<p>If it is B, Berkeley will not be acceptable (I am an alum). You might take your field of interest (I don't know what it is) and look for a list of other quality schools that are more conservative (even if it is another religion's school). You need to demonstrate that you are not going to be able to do what you want to at the local commuter school and let them choose a set of "alternative" schools. This put the onus on them to choose how "permissive" of an atmosphere you can get into.</p>
<p>If they choose C, contact the pastor (or the fuctional equivalent) at the nearby church to Berkeley and ask for references. Take the initiative and your parents will have more faith in you.</p>
<p>If they choose D (highly unlikely), I'd still recommend the same as for C just because it gives them much less reason to ask you about the sermon.</p>
<p>About the "dishonesty" factor of intending to change faiths... I think this falls into the "little white lies" category (although they certainly wouldn't). You sound like a child who is concerned about your parent's feelings more than a manipulative user. </p>
<p>While I'm sure that there are a few Amish who feel the Mennonites are going to burn in Hades for eternity because they use a telephone, I believe there are many who have enough good will to understand that while their beliefs are somewhat different, they respect the sincerity of other people of faith. I think you want your parents to accept your different (but I hope sincere) religious beliefs, but understand that it will take time, as you need them to accept you as an adult first before they can accept your religious differences.</p>
<p>Letting them mistakenly believe that you are of like religious thinking while gaining their respect as an adult is probably a more humane way of dealing with the situation and will more likely result in a civil (if not perfect) lifetime relationship.</p>
<p>But I think the key here if you want to play this strategy is to understand what will keep them comfortable before suggeting a specific solution or giving them some options (being open to any that you present). Personally, I think giving someone in authority (your boss included) a choice (even if it isn't very broad) always makes things work better.</p>
<p>Good Luck!</p>
<p>I think my parents will definitely support me. They will of course not be happy nor usual for them to see me move away and start on these new ventures but I'm sure they wouldn't deny me financial help!</p>
<p>I am thinking along the lines of a host family, and not to sound greedy, but I think it would also be beneficial financially because of the lack of paying for rooming. And as you said it's also more reassuring.</p>
<p>As to the liberalness of Berkeley, I'm well aware of that. Though now thinking about that. . .my parents won't be too happy to know the atmosphere on-campus, and particularly SF if you get my gist. I'm very liberal but of course they don't know it. I'm thinking of also visiting UCLA which is closer, but really I would like to end up at Berkeley so the "liberal factor" will be something else to assess and consider in terms of my convincing strategy.</p>
<p>And I highly doubt the Amish anecdote will ever be applicable to me.</p>
<p>While Berkeley is certainly a bastion of liberalness - I did notice that the campus Republicans also had a strong presence on the big square where the tour ends. The nice thing about large schools is that there is such a wide variety of students.</p>
<p>nglez:</p>
<p>UCLA and UCSD are also filled with a lot of liberal professors and probably the majority of students are liberal - it's not just Berkeley although Berkeley has the biggest rep and is perhaps more proud of it (they like to talk up their anti-everything protests). Last summer my D took a history course at UCSD from a professor who started the class by announcing that he was a communist and later made the ridiculous statement that all Republicans were racists. It's not just the UCs either - a lot of the non-religious colleges are very liberal. Despite these bastions of liberalism some students still manage to be conservatives. I have a couple of Cal grads in my group at work and they're two of the most conservative people I know.</p>
<p>Your parents will hopefully have enough faith in you to realize you can handle the environment whether it be Berkeley, UCLA, or any other college and that regardless of the college, you'll end up making your own decisions about 'who' you are.</p>
<p>In my experience, traditional, religious families who are willing to let their kids move away simply want to hear from the kid herself a word of thanks, that they have done a great job communicating their values, strengthening them to make "good choices." Good choices will mean different things to the kid and the parent, but it is a unifying phrase to use when you describe what you will do next.</p>
<p>You don't have to turn your back on everything your family has taught you! But you may want to expand, explore, discover. </p>
<p>If you have a central core of values that your parents worked hard to teach you, it can help you in your life. It doesn't have to BE your life. </p>
<p>The ones to feel sorry for are people who have no teachings from their parents. I wish you well on your journey. </p>
<p>The host family (as compared to moving directly to a dorm first year) sounds like a compromise that makes you feel safe, and I bet that will allay many of your parents' concerns about dorm lifestyle. I think they will let you go in steps and stages, and you have a good heart to consider their feelings as well as your longings.</p>
<p>Agreeing very much with UCSD dad that conservatives (political, social and economic conservatives, as I've learned to notice in this recent election season) negotiate their way through even the most liberal campuses. I was interested that my own alma mater, with its liberal reputation (Oberlin College) reintroduced a chapter of the Young Republicans within the past decade. Something like that would not have been likely in the past 30 years, but genuine open-mindedness and tolerance requires that all voices be heard on a campus.</p>
<p>Best wishes on your exciting journey.</p>
<p>Thank you very very much everyone.</p>
<p>I think some of the values in the True Jesus Church will help but ultimately you are all right in regards to my decisions!</p>
<p>Thanks again! You are all awesome!</p>
<p>
[quote]
some of the values
[/quote]
</p>
<p>SOME of the values. And here's a good thing: guess who gets to make the choices next of which values to keep, and which to modify? YOU.</p>
<p>There's always UC Berkeley for graduate school. UC Santa Barbara ain't exactly chopped chicken liver for undergrad. :)</p>
<p>Good luck - it sounds like you are open to considering all sides, including your parent's point of view, and that is usually key to winning any debate.</p>
<p>I just want to comment that UC Berkeley is not an inexpensive University. It concerns me that the OP may not have her/his parents financial support. If they have not had to pay for college for any of the other siblings the amount of money that the UCs cost could be a shock. I also noticed that the poster lived in Santa Barbara, California. Another UC is there: Santa Barbara. We can all sit here and spout what should happen, but this is the posters family, not ours.I think talking to them and getting them used to the idea, as well as feeling out the waters for what kind of financial support can be expected, is the best way. They may be nervous about the idea, but you might be surprised.</p>