Convincing your parents to pay for college...

Paying for College
1

<p>I'd like to start by saying hi; this is my first post though I've read many of the threads throughout my college application process.</p>

<p>I'm interested in becoming a creative writing major, very interested in art schools in New York City for the writing programs and, more realistically, interning/career opportunities. Throughout the college application process, my parents have not been entirely supportive of me, focusing more on the money than the actual school I'm interested in. </p>

<p>My top choice schools are Eugene Lang The New school, and Pratt Institute, I have been accepted by both. What I'm worried about now, is paying for them. I recieved 14 K aid from Lang, don't know about Pratt yet. </p>

<p>I was somewhat of a "troublemaker" child throughout high school, though in the past year (I just turned 17) I've shaped up my act considerably. I've always been a good student. My older sister got the Chancellor's scholarship to U Pitt, and although I have better scores than her, I've received very little in the way of merit scholarships. I don't know whether to blame this on the economy or my lack of ECs. </p>

<p>FYI:
I also applied to:
Fordham University ("VIP" candidate, got in, haven't received FI)
Columbia (long shot, won't be getting in but I find out today)
UVM (with $2,000 merit schol - not enough)
U Pitt Honors College ($3,000 schol - not enough, though I may send a letter to request waived OFS tuition, because I really like this school)
UC Santa Cruz Merrill Frosh Scholars (barely the most affordable, and I do not want to go here!)</p>

<p>Also, I didn't get into Berkeley, which was my dad's dream school, although he knew I'd never go. He knows I want to go to art school but has offered no congratulations on my acceptance to my dream schools.</p>

<p>Sorry for this being so long. The point is: my parents are talking about only paying 10 K for my education, if at all. They could afford 21 K, we're fairly well off, but this also means we don't get a lot of financial aid. I have the feeling they're going to make me attend UC Santa Cruz, blaming the "far fetched art school idea" on my messed-up years of high school. They're really condescending already about where I've gotten in, focusing only on the rejection. I realise I'm the black sheep of our family but I just want to be somewhere where I'm happy, and for my parents to be proud of me and support me. Any tips /suggestions?</p>

2

<p>What can we really say? Your parent’s either want to and can pay for your choice of college or not. Lots of kids post similar stories believing their parent’s can afford what they want. In reality, many know little about their parent’s finances. And families that were well off this time last year are substantially less well off today in most cases.</p>

<p>Sounds like you live in CA where home value have been plunging and home equity loans that were often used to fund college are hard to get. Many more jobs will be lost there as the recession keeps going. Taxes are going up for high wage earners there too.</p>

<p>So sit down with your parent’s, explain why you want what you want and how much you’re willing to contribute by working and taking loans, and hear what they say.</p>

3

<p>My son was very upset and passing around a lot of blame on why we couldn’t afford 20K a year tuition. He was SURE we had the money and were just holding out on him. Finally, I gave him a copy of our budget and asked him to find $1500 a month or more than we could give to him. </p>

<p>He sees our point now. He is a good kid, just frustrated that his dream school might not be an option, but he had an unrealistic picture of what we could afford. Now he doesn’t.</p>

<p>I would ask…you may think they have the money and they might not. Especially now with the economic downturn.</p>

4

<p>Thanks! and yeah, I’m not trying to paint them as the bad guys. I have 3 siblings, and don’t expect them to shell out 50K per year. We’re planning on sitting down and having that conversation when I get my Columbia rejection and hopefully St. John’s College acceptance. I will be working every summer and will set up work/study.</p>

<p>It’s just hard to them to deal with this after my sister got the full ride.</p>

5

<p>Most kids think it’s their parent’s responsibility to pay for college. It isn’t and whatever your parents give you for college is a gift. College signals the first step into adulthood and many parents believe that it should be a realistic one. I don’t agree with parents who give no support for college, unless it’s truly a dire hardship, but do agree that it’s entirely their option. </p>

<p>Your parents may be thinking that creative writing is not going to provide you with a living wage. They’re probably right. They may be looking at the “return on their investment” - in other words, if they give you $80K+ for your dream school and you still have to come back home and live in their house because you can’t afford to live in NY, that’s not a wise use of their money.</p>

<p>I would be preparing a clear, logical case for attending your choice of school. Do you have demonstrated talent in that area? Have you won writing contests/awards? Is there a job market for what you’d learn and what is the average starting income? What are you willing to do to close the financial gap - are you working now, are the internships paid or unpaid, etc?</p>

6

<p>First of all: CONGRATULATIONS on your acceptance to your dream schools!</p>

<p>Next: The only people who get to decide how much your parents can afford is your parents - it is their money, after all. It is very generous of them to offer $40,000 of what they have earned to assist you with your college education. It is also generous of them to offer that amount even if you choose a school they do not approve of. If you choose a more expensive school you know you have to come up with the difference.</p>

<p>I have heard that the art school at UCSC is excellent, so you might fit right in. The entire (very beautiful) campus also has a very “artistic” feel to it, and the city of Santa Cruz is wonderfully quirky. If you haven’t already visited, make arrangements to attend a class in your major and meet some of the faculty in the writing department before you completely cross that wonderful option off your list.</p>

<p>Tips to get your parents to be proud and supportive?
Proud: I suspect they are proud of you, and disappointed they cannot offer more financial support even if they don’t approve of your dream, while completely annoyed that you are insisting they double the amount they feel they can afford. Try accepting what they have offered with thanks and maybe they will have a chance to congratulate you on your accomplishments.
Supportive: Grow up a bit. Investigate your options (even the less expensive ones like UCSC) thoroughly. Look in to options such as attending community college for two years and then transferring to your dream school - ask if they would still contribute the $40,000, but over two years at the dream school instead of four. Be calm and actually listen to their opinions and investigate their suggestions and your parents might see their “black sheep” in a whole new light.</p>

<p>Best of luck!</p>

7

<p>My D is also interested in creative writing. We did agree to pay big bucks for a private, in part because she had a very long track record of making good use of our resources, but fortunately it looks like she will choose an English major, which helps with our “good investment” concerns. Our son, on the other hand, is interested in acting, has NOT demonstrated a long history of making good use of resources, and in addition, makes some pretty expensive choices, when he is not paying for it. We have some time to figure this out, but I often say to him that he better get used to a different life style if he is going into acting. That includes having to accept less than he wants, less then he’s used to.</p>

8

<p>It was really good to hear this kind of feedback from other people! Unfortunately, sometimes it’s easier for a teenager to let down her guard and listen to people who AREN’T directly related to her. I’m going to try to keep these things in mind when I talk to my parents.</p>

<p>I am still deciding between an English, literature, or creative writing major. I was offered a paid internship at Allure magazine, and had to decline as I was only fifteen. I spent a summer at Wesleyan University writing as well. I’ve been going to community college for 3 years already, from age 14, which was not an ideal situation but my parents would not allow me to attend public high school, which lends to our struggle over the college situation at hand. I’m quite sure writing is my passion, but I am keeping options like teaching, journalism, and research work in mind.</p>

<p>UC Santa Cruz is a good school, but I live about an hour and a half away from SC. I don’t think I’ve accurately described the level of animosity that my parents have been showing me, so it’s hard to believe that they’re proud of me, but I certainly hope so, and that was good to hear, alamemom!</p>