<p>I'm sure a lot of you have dealt with similar feelings as the ones I'm having. You worked hard your whole life to be a good student, you've aspired to get into an elite university since you were a kid, and then you got your rejection letters last month from those elite universities you had your heart set on. </p>
<p>I'm usually very strong emotionally, but I just can't wrap my mind around the fact that I won't be going to an Ivy League school but rather to a school like UW-Madison. I've got a whole sob story that I won't bore you with the details of, but basically I made a 35 on the ACT, was very involved with extracurriculars, and was third in my class, yet I got rejected by 12 out of 15 schools. </p>
<p>I can rationalize it and say, "Okay, I didn't get into my first choice school, but that doesn't mean that I won't be just as well off at my safety school," but however logical a statement like that may be, depression's often very illogical.</p>
<p>I've been dealing with the depression very poorly, mostly by numbing the feeling with drugs (nothing hardcore - been there, tried that, and won't go that route again, no matter how depressed I am). I want a healthier, safer way to clear my mind. Nothing seems to be working, especially with all of my friends being so giddy about their collegiate futures, constantly reminding me about how I didn't get into any of my favorite schools.</p>
<p>So what do you do to cope with depression caused by college rejections, or simply depression in general?</p>
<p>When I received my first ever rejection, I could not believe it. I had dreamed day and night to go to that school and in one second, everything fell apart. Two stupid little lines on the screen pretty much summed up what they thought of me: A Failure. I couldn't help but break down and cry, and I cried all night long. I have always been a failure and have never met my parents' high standards. I have always been that " eh- shes okay in school" kid. I flaked off in junior year and getting rejected by UC Davis really made me realize the dangers of forgetting my goal. You're probably wondering: why is she telling me this? Well, I went to school the other day and found out that my friend who took 2 ap classes in her life, has a 3.4 gpa got into UC davis, and me who took many aps and has a 3.6 gpa didn't. I know how you feel. But today, I am glad I got rejected by UC davis. Always remember that things happen for a reason. Maybe you were not meant to go to an Ivy League school. I know the rejection makes you feel like you are a nobody and all your effort went to waste. But when you make your final decision, you will look back at this time and say, I am glad I didnt go to an Ivy league school. It hurts to hear your classmates say that they got into the top colleges while you say that you didn't. But, in the end, it is not the school that makes you successful in life, it is HOW you do in that school. The fact that you worked so hard towards a goal is a great accomplishment, even though you did not meet that goal. It proves that you are truly ready to be successful in college. I suggest having a serious talk with a special someone about this, and venting really helps. Drugs is not going to help you get through this. </p>
<p>Start looking forward to transferring out of Madison then. Get into the college mode again and apply this year. And if you get rejected again, then try again next year.</p>
<p>rejection isn't the end of the world. You'll go to your safety school and have a carrer just as prosperous as the one you would have had at an ivy league school.
Besides, there are many successfull people out there who graduated from community colleges and places other than ivies. The "Ivy League" is just a name. It amounts to nothing.</p>
<p>And about the rejection...well, my sister had all A's, 4.something GPA, National Merit Finalist, 1500+ SATs... she was rejected from everywhere she applied to (Harv., Princ., Chicago, Claremont, etc.) except the local state school. She's quite happy there now. Granted she'd probably prefer to be at an Ivy, but she's got a 4.0 and all...just do well at UW, get high grades and all that, then either try to transfer or, after tearing it up for four years, go to a good grad school.</p>
<p>You should read that one soldier's post about getting shipped off to war and then coming back to a state school college; it was a featured discussion some weeks ago.</p>
<p>I am a parent reading this and will tell you this whole college thing is out of hand. College is big business you been sold by it all, you are lead to believe you have failed because the big name school has not chosen you. Ask yourself what makes these schools so great! You need to take a step back and determine what it is you want to do in life, you can get there on many roads. The drug road is a dead end!!!!</p>
<p>In my opinion, your depression isn't caused by the college selection process but by how you react to challenges. Everyone experiences adversity and failures in their lives. People who are resilient manage to rise above such situations. People who aren't resilient turn to drugs or other destructive behavior.</p>
<p>My advice is to see a cognitively oriented therapist for some shortterm therapy to help you view your situation in a more realistic way. If you don't learn better coping skills now, you will continue to crumble whenever you face life's inevitable difficulties.</p>
<p>From what you've posted, I believe that you are operating under some erroneous assumptions that may include things like the following:</p>
<p>Because I worked hard in school and have high scores and grades, I deserve to go to an Ivy.</p>
<p>If I don't get into an Ivy, I am an utter failure and my life is forever ruined.</p>
<p>Only worthless people don't go to Ivies.</p>
<p>Being disappointed and depressed is a reason to use drugs.</p>
<p>Because I don't use hardcore drugs, I don't have a drug problem.</p>
<p>I know how you feel. I've been disappointed too, and so have many others.</p>
<p>My advice is to take interest in people and events around you. Read about those who've had far more challenging obstacles thrown their way and who've overcome them to become great successes. Do some volunteer work, start teaching a class in a subject you're good at. This is what worked for me.</p>
<p>I'm not trying to invalidate your feelings - I'm just saying that hard as this is, there will always be someone who is worse off than you. Consider that. I know this has been said time and time again but I believe it has value - count your blessings.</p>
<p>And one more thing - depression is an illness and it can be treated. Those who suffer from depression are usually in such a situation not because of a traumatic event, but rather a series of relatively minor disappointments and worries. There are many people who face great challenges (losing their entire family and job in one day, for example) but who don't get depressed and carry on. I'm not saying that people who are depressive are 'wrong' in anyway - the condition and feeling is very real. What I'm trying to say is that it's more a state of mind than anything. The main problem may be your perspective, not the fact that you didn't get into any ivy league school. Having said that, those who have a tendency to get depressed and do, can get help and can get better. If what I suggested above doesn't work, if you lose interest in all that normally gives you pleasure, then maybe you need to ask for help.</p>
<p>It is really sad, when you think of it. The competition for the college class of 2011 among the many many students in the large and brilliant HS class of 2007 was so intense, that it really was a crapshoot - all of the Ivy's able to reject hundreds of top students. </p>
<p>A 35 on the ACT. That is really impressive.</p>
<p>Give Madison a chance. Seek out some friends at the summer orientation sessions, and join an activity or two right away in the fall. You may find that by Thanksgiving, you LOVE UW Madison. I know a lot of people who had wonderful experiences there. And if you don't love it, you can transfer out after a year or two.</p>
<p>Best way to cope with depression? large quantities of hard liquor. No, just kidding. Exercise, I think. Long walks are good. Fresh spring air.</p>
<p>I'm not going to sugarcoat this. It might be hard to read (i don't think so but whatever). It's all for your benefit.</p>
<p>Grow the hell up. Consider this. The population of the US is over 300 million, of this over 70-90 mil are children, and IIRC about 30mil are adolescents ranging from 13-18, probably more, maybe less, numbers dont matter. What does matter is that you are ONE out of 30 million + who is or has worked in someway in high school. Do you realize the size of these incoming freshmen classes? They are only in the extremely low thousands. When you go to compete against maybe thirty thousand+ in an admissions office, everyone who worked hard is not going to get accepted. It is not possible. If you are a guy, grab your balls and realize that your a man and you need to act like one. If you are a girl well....good luck :p.</p>
<p>In all seriousness though i bet of those 15 schools, almost all of them were in the top 20-25 schools. Do you realize that safety is not a school in the top 20. THAT is a match at BEST for even the best applicant.</p>
<p>You also need to realize that you are probably not clincally depressed, and if you are you need to stop being so self centered. Do you think about the soldiers that willingly risk their lives to protect us? Do you know the depression of a four year old child that may never see his father again because he is off in some far off land against his will. What about the pain of living on the streets, not knowing where your next meal will come from, trying to make money just to eat a meager meal. The pain of mothers who have lost their children to rapists, murderers, kidnappers and more? This is a petty problem at best, "Oh my goodness I only got into a top 10 PUBLIC college". Think about it.</p>
<p>Do not use grades to validate your self-esteem. There is more to life than grades, SAT scores, and what college you go to.</p>
<p>Trust me- you may think you want this now, but maybe you'll go to another school and be very happy. And screw them if they don't want you, ya know? Obviously you're a hard worker and you deserve the best, but just because you go to an Ivy it doesn't guarantee you happiness, a great job, etc. etc. It does guarantee you a big hole in your pocket after graduation though!</p>
<p>If you're still upset after next year, try and transfer and show that you're determined. Apply to the Ivy because you like the school, the courses, and the things you can major in there, not just because it is well-known.</p>
<p>I know exactly how you feel, but we all must learn to cope with these things and stop feeling bad about our grades. If you continue to work hard throughout your life you will only be rewarded in the end. </p>
<p>Depression? I'm sorry, but the first thing you need to do is stop telling yourself that you are depressed. Depression is a chronic, debilitating illness, and your post makes light of it. You are not depressed, you just do not know how to handle failure.</p>
<p>You need something to help move on from the failure. Find some great things about the school that you are going to, and rejoice in them. Plan something great for your last summer before college. Stop basing your self-worth on the college admissions process.</p>
<p>My spouse is a clergyman and in a 30 year career, living in 2 countries and 6 cities, shepherding 300-500 families each year through all their crises..well, honestly, we've met somebody from every Ivy League on the list, every "elite LAC", each of the top 10 publics, normative publics, community colleges-- the parents, their children. It's his business to know where everybody went to school, what their early dreams were, how life has turned out for them on a practical as well as emotional level. He keeps right up-to-date, too, because each Thanksgiving the new crop comes home and reports their college experiences to him. (Yes, he's beloved and relates fabulously well so everybody talks to him!)</p>
<p>And from watching all this from the sidelines (married now 25 years!!), let me tell you this much: </p>
<ol>
<li><p>There are fabulous people from every kind of school.</p></li>
<li><p>There are some dullards from the Ivies who spent the rest of their doggone lives talking about their 4 years there, while others moved along and built far greater accomplishments following their 4 undergrad years.</p></li>
<li><p>People who built their character upon what life sent their way have a depth that resonates. It resonates in quite a different way than those that expect their prestige-names to impress the others.</p></li>
<li><p>State universities (all of them) generate much better opportunities for working within that state than the long-distance prestige of the Ivy. The people ooh and aah and give the Ivy the job interview, but the one that NAILS the job is the one who had friends nearby, whose boss also went to the state school. This is true for occupations in all the "helping" industries such as teaching, social work, state and local government, as well as business (not talking about the fancy i-bankers, but most jobs in business). THAT SAID, if you dreamt of leaving Wisconsin, you still can because of my point #5...</p></li>
<li><p>As for the Top 10 State Publics, c'mon you've GOT your prestige there!
UW-Madison is awesome. National level teaching, publishing from the professors. It's really famous. Maybe you don't think much of it b/c you're right there in Wisconsin, but we've travelled and lived all over the NOrtheast, midwest, Canada, and NYC. UW-Madison is a name school; you just are taking it for granted a bit, which is natural b/c it's your home state. </p></li>
<li><p>If I'm wrong, take everyone's advice and transfer after a year if you don't like it. But you might like it enormously.</p></li>
<li><p>The friends around you now will not seem as important to you as your new friends from college. By next Thanksgiving, you'll have a whole new network of peers for input of opinion. </p></li>
<li><p>Hugs to you. Take a walk and find a new flower that is ready to open up.
That is you.</p></li>
</ol>