<p>Try to encourage kids not to have a single favorite before acceptances come in.</p>
<p>Make sure they know YOU will be happy with all their choices.</p>
<p>Emphasize that being rejected does not mean that there was necessarily anything wrong with your application. The top schools can fill their classes multiple times with great students.</p>
<p>Remember that sometimes students may have activities outside school, or may have written more interesting essays, or had more enthusiastic recommendations that affected the results. My older son, for example, had some very impressive activities outside school that he never discussed with any of his friends (since none of them were computer nerds.)</p>
<p>Remember it balances out - my older son may have lost his place at one tech college to a fellow student who was female, but he may have beaten out other students at a different college because of his ECs even though they had slightly higher grades.</p>
<p>Finally those second choice colleges can be full of strong students. The Dean of the School of Computer Science at Carnegie Mellon asked the audience at the welcoming lecture how many had been rejected by MIT - it looked like about 90% of the class raised their hands.</p>
<p>And finally, it’s okay to feel sad, hurt and sometimes a little bit indignant. The process is not perfectly fair.</p>
<p>My DD’s attend a private school which sends many of its graduates to the top schools. I don’t know what they do to avoid scenes which have been described above, but students often don’t know where anyone is going until May, when a big display is put up where kids can put their name (written on petals) onto flowers which represent a given school. It’s fun to look at all the flowers and see who is going where; there is no way to know where/if these kids were rejected from first choices or not. </p>
<p>All I can figure is the faculty must work very hard to stress the importance of discretion, the wisdom of avoiding talking about one’s stats and college choices, etc.</p>
<p>No doubt about it, it is puzzling when you know several kids applying to one school, all pretty much equal, some admitted, some turned down. It honestly seems so random in some cases. Only advice I can give is to not set your heart on one school. And, of course there is that awkwardness when two friends have the same #1 choice, and one gets in and one does not. It isn’t easy, is it?</p>
<p>DD is at a BS, so a late night uniform announcement would not reduce the stress. One good friend was stressing while waiting for a snail mail from an ED school, not sure if it was going to school or home. Luckily the outcome was good.</p>
<p>The good news is that the school is on a trimester system so the ED/EA decisions come at the beginning of the 2nd trimester and not in the middle of finals. The RD announcements start rolling in during spring break. The bad news is that it is a rigorous college prep where 100% go to 4 year schools and most go to very selective schools. So lots of focus on the college process, and lots of qualified students apply to very low percentage admission schools and are denied from their top choices.</p>
<p>I suppose sharing stories with friends does give them a very realistic view of the vagaries of fortune in the real world. I think I will point that out to D2 tonight. And of course repeat that whatever the outcome it never prevents a committed student from achieveing their dreams.</p>
<p>I must say, I did inherit quite a few tshirts and sweatshirts from the school I got my masters from after D only got waitlisted there for undergrad - she wouldn’t wear them even to sleep in.</p>
<p>Maybe the kids should all have a swap meet, swapping the caps and shirts of the schools they visited for the ones they’re actually going to. (Of course, a big bonfire might be more therapeutic, but not as environmentally friendly!)</p>
<p>I have always kept most of the college business to myself. I have shared info I have learned from other parents and here but we have always kept a low key.
Iit was really hard when my daughter was one of those expected to go to a “big” school. One visiter at her school asked her where she was going and then the girl next to her . The girl next to her was going to Yale. This girl was in a word a jerk. and actually hasnt dont that well there. my daughter was a leader , smart nice kid. My daughter said it made her fell like !@!. as the woman looked at her with a disgusted look. I believe her as she is a rather confident kid and not really sensitive. Anyway, now in college and doing well, she never thinks about it. People dont care, its a curiosity for a few months then people move on. As long as they are happy…</p>
<p>Have always been a big proponent of the reject wall at some high schools. I think it creates a huge sense of camaraderie among high school classmates. Reminds them that geez these are just applications and they are not the only ones who are bummed. Helps them on the road to enjoying the rest of their senior year in high school which should be some of the most fun they have in their lives.</p>
<p>The outlier wrote about how* she only got into her safety and all enthusiasm for the next college phase was missing from her experience. **She found it painful to be around her excited peers for the rest of the school year/summer and even in August had no excitement for attending her college. I always wished a followup essay would be forthcoming to see how she felt a year or two later. *</p>
<p>that’s why I really think that kids need to identify 2-3 safeties (when money and/or finances are iffy). </p>
<p>At least, if you only have your safeties to choose from in the Spring, you still get to make a choice and have that “power”. …which is good for morale. Only getting into your safety (or only being able to afford your safety) when the safety is only ONE school, can make a person feel powerless and railroaded…while others have choices.</p>
<p>*DD is at a BS, so a late night uniform announcement would not reduce the stress. *</p>
<p>Even at a Boarding School, a late night FRIDAY NIGHT announcement would keep some of the drama out of the classroom during instruction time. much of the drama would subside by Monday morn when classes resume.</p>
<p>In previous years, MIT released EA on Saturday. </p>
<p>We know kids who got txt messages from their parents during class when results came in. Oy vey!</p>
<p>At our house, the guys opened the emails when they were ready, and usually wanted DH and me either present or on the phone when they did so. Made it more of a family event.</p>
<p>Both of our kids were at schools where many students int heir programs applied to the same places. Always made for somewhat of a bloodbath when results were announced, but at least folks had the comfort of knowing the most of the other 30 applicants in their class who applied EA to Yale or MIT were also rejected.</p>
<p>S and a hyper-competitive friend both applied to the same dream school early. Apparently it was generally known in their circle and perhaps beyond. On Friday evening, the friend was accepted, S was deferred. By Monday morning, this was all over the school. When S arrived on Monday morning, he had people giving him their condolences. I actually had a few other parents stop me in the aisle at the supermarket to tell me what a mistake the school had made! I mean, it was nice that people thought highly of S and thought that the school in question had made a big mistake, but this was a bit much. (The amount of attention this got probably had something to do with the degree to which the hyper-competitive kid and his parents had ticked other people off, too. I was surprised by the amount of resentment among other parents of highly accomplished kids.)</p>
<p>S thought that the friend was the one to spread this news at an athletic meet that weekend, since S didn’t tell anyone. S was quite humiliated. It caused a long term rupture in their relationship. After that experience, he was careful not to commit his heart to any school until the final results came in, and played things much closer to the vest.</p>
<p>Reminds me of a scene from the movie “Along Came Polly.” Ben Stiller’s character has returned to work after finding his wife with another man on their honeymoon. As he walks into the office, he realizes everyone has already heard about it. All the sympathy oozing out of his coworkers is almost more than he can bear. It’s pretty funny. Even a neighborhood cop gets in on it when, doing rounds in his squad car, he spots Reuben (whom he’s never met before) checking on his new home prior to closing and says over his speakers “Sorry about your wife, Reuben.”</p>
<p>D2 and I often re-enact the office scene (all the “awws” and little sad faces) whenever anything goes awry-brings a little levity to the situation. :)</p>
<p>Sticking to your own business and never judge others is the best. there is no way we can worry about things that are out of our control. this includes kid’s own acceptances, let alone somebody else’s. However, kid can control some aspects of her own acceptances, while she has no control over aspects of her friends’ acceptances. All she can offer are a very sensitive ear, a sholder for her upset friend, any type of support. Getting personally upset will not accomplish anything.</p>
<p>I agree 100% with ‘I just keep saying that everyone ends up at a good place for them, and if they dont they can transfer after the first year." Yes, they absolutely need to learn to be rational, the sooner, the better. there are crazy things going on in colleges. People are stealing work from others,…etc. to lower others’ grades. If they do not learn to stay cool and move on and do the best under circumstances, it is not going to work. Stolen work for cool headed person is an opportunity to have another try, to learn to work harder and faster to catch up, and this type of attitude will get them ahead.
Best wishes, as you said, it will work out for everybody, so might as well enjoy the process.</p>
<p>I agree. No matter what happens this is an opportunity for your child to learn to be gracious.
Remind your child that the classmate who got an acceptance to his/her first choice school has likely had other disappointments in life. Don’t let your child hear you say that so and so did/didn’t “deserve” to get into such and such school. Remind your child to say something nice to everyone.</p>
<p>I sometimes have a hard time with a jerk getting something they dont deserve. its part of our nature to want things to be fair, and for good to win out. but as we all know things dont aleways go that way, and its a lesson for our kids and for us.</p>
I was surprised by the amount of resentment among other parents of highly accomplished kids.)</p>