cornell supplement essay? edit? read? suggestions? please?

<p>if anyone is willing to help? this is my question: Describe your intellectual interests, their evolution, and what makes them exciting to you. Tell us how you will utilize the academic programs in the College of Arts and Sciences to further explore your interests, intended major, or field of study.
THANKS! :)</p>

<p>Describe your intellectual interests, their evolution, and what makes them exciting to you. Tell us how you will utilize the academic programs in the College of Arts and Sciences to further explore your interests, intended major, or field of study.
The glass vase came crashing to the floor as my two friends and I stared at the empty table with horror. I wore a plaid skirt and a white shirt, and it was not the first time I had decided to do something out of curiosity. Five minutes later, I found myself standing in front of the classroom penalized and embarrassed by my teacher. As I got embarrassed more and more for expressing my own thoughts and wants, I also grew more shy and reserved. Secretly, I was afraid of rejection because subconsciously, I wanted to be accepted.
Growing up as a shy and reserved girl, I developed a hobby of watching people’s interactions while making a few close friends. At the same time, I developed a very negative view of society because I saw that many people around me chose choices that were taught to be wrong. My na</p>

<p>I think that you should just cut the first paragraph altogether. Be as succinct to the question as possible.</p>

<p>The second paragraph needs a bit of work. I think you should be explaining about your intellectual interests in a more positive manner. You don’t want the college admission officer at Cornell to think you have a negative outlook on people in the general sense (this may be a little ambiguous, but I hope you at least understand what I’m getting at.) </p>

<p>Try to get more into the specifics of Cornell instead of the generalizations. Your generalizations of what you’d do at Cornell could fit under the context of many other colleges. Prove to Cornell that you did your research on the institution.</p>

<p>Anyways, I think I’m a little late in giving advice since the due date of Cornell’s supplementary essay was today, but I hope you had at least some help in revising your essay.</p>

<p>I know it’s too late as well… but just in case there are other people who read this to get ideas for next year and/or improve their own essays.</p>

<p>I definitely agree with Megaman. There needs to be development of the first paragraph in answering the question. You scratch the surface in the 2nd paragraph but you need to pull your academic interests completely out. </p>

<p>I also agree that the third paragraph is quite general for CAS - you need to attack WHY CAS and how you match up perfectly with it…</p>