correcting my essay!!

Hi! Can anyone please help me critique my essay as I am quite unfamiliar to the college way of writing essays. I have written my common app essay on the second essay prompt i.e. facing failure, and would be very glad to accept any suggestions regarding the same.
P.S. I am aware of the essay being a bit lengthy; I still need to shorten it. However, this would be the basic format of my essay.

I will read for style/grammar. PM me!

Thanks

same here

I’ll read it, PM me

I’ll read it!