<p>I'm in a weird position, and am looking for some opinions.</p>
<p>First off, I'm from Northeast Ohio and am going to school at VA Tech. It's over 7 hours directly south of here, and I don't come often. I chose the school because it was as far away as I could get away from home with my parents' approval. One, I hate being this far away. When I leave home, I have to totally readjust to life again, and when i went back for finals, I never readjusted fully. I am dreading going back down there. None of my friends moved away, and they all get together sometimes on weekends to hang out, and I'm missing all of it. It's not that I don't like Tech, it's just far, and I'm not comfortable with being so far removed.</p>
<p>Secondly, I was under the impression that prestige of programs helped you get jobs and that jobs also depended on how well you did in college. As you may know, VT is consistently ranked at the top in engineering, but is rather expensive for me. My parents recently told me that all college costs are going to be my burden from now on. That's quite a lot, even though I'll be making some good money in 5 years after I graduate in 2009. I plan on going to graduate school possibly for biomediecal engineering or my MBA. (I have time to think about this, thank God). But with the cost of VT being over $26,000 a year, I'm contemplating going to where I orignally was going to go (West VA U.) or Ohio State (instate) to take my cost of tuition down anywhere from $6-10,000 a year. Keep in mind my college financial story is loans. That's all thats in my vocabulary. </p>
<p>So with me not looking favorably on being 7 and a half hours away and in a tight financial spot now, is it fruitful for me to look at places instate and at WVU for an education? I'm stuck and while I'm on break, I thought maybe I should explore this more, since I've been thinking about leaving VT since I basically got there. </p>
<p>Comments, criticisms, and words of wisdom are appreciated. I appreciate it.
Thanks a lot and Happy Holidays to everyone and their families from snowy NE Ohio! =)</p>
<p>You have given two excellent reasons for transferring to a less expensive local college:</p>
<p>1) You are so unhappy at Virginia Tech that you dread going back there, and
2) The financial burden is on you, and it requires you to take on a significant debt ... plus you would like to go to grad school.</p>
<p>If it weren't for the financial issue, I'd say you should try to stick it out for the year and see if things get better ... but with the money added into the equation, I really don't see any choice. No college is a guarantee of a job, and less debt is almost always a better choice than more debt, unless the benefit of the school requiring more debt is very certain and substantial. </p>
<p>The only thing you haven't told us is why your parents are no longer going to be able to help you financially -- it isn't clear whether it is due to an inability to pay for your college, or from a desire to influence you to attend school closer to home. If it is the latter, you might want to discuss with them a compromise solution that avoids potentially disrupting your academic career in a way that would negatively effect future options for you. In other words, it might be better for you to plan on staying at Virginia tech for an additional semester or year, and explore your transfer options a little more - than to leave at the end of your first semester or year.</p>
<p>I have sympathy for cost = ouch. I have far less for you being out of your comfort zone. One of the sadder things I see is people heading off to college who have no sense of expanding their horizons, either figuratively or literally. <em>THAT</em> is what part of education is about and college is prime time to do it and it's one of the easiest times to do it.</p>
<p>Staying close to the safety net of family, the same old gang, the same old diner, the same old gas station, etc., is a pattern that leads to either a wistful middle age that you never tried anything or a failure to realize there was anything to try...and I'm not sure which is worse.</p>
<p>If bearing the cost dictates your choice, then make it on that basis. But don't rationalize it that way if it's not the case.</p>
<p>From northern Ohio and you passed on OSU! Shame on you! The College of Engineering at OSU is very respected. In the early 70's I went from OSU to Cornell and found that I was superbly prepared for my gradiate studies. VaTech is a good engineering college but it is not better than OSU in my opinion. Then compare the costs-$26K vs $13k and the choice is obvious.</p>
<p>TheDad -- I disagree with your post, and would simply say - different strokes for different folks. I am a person who happily travelled 1,000 miles from home to attend college at age 16 -- and never even went home for summer vacations or school breaks -- my son attended college on the opposite coast, and my 16-year-old daughter is currently 6000 miles away, a foreign exchange student on the opposite side of the globe. So for me and my family, "expanding horizons" is a good thing. </p>
<p>But some people LIKE their homes and routines, and while it may seem boring and underchallenging to we more adventurous types, there is nothing wrong with that. My son had feelings of disdain for the kids from his high school crowd who attended the local university and a year later seemed to have made no new friends, all just continuing to hang out with one another -- but in the end my son also didn't feel comfortable with most of his east coast college friends. He felt much more at home when he took a job within 10 miles of home, and though he's moved around a lot since then, he now is happy living an hour away from home. </p>
<p>"Expanding horizons" is fine, but some people thrive on stability. To say that you lack sympathy for Crazyandy is to simply deny the validity of his feelings ... and he won't do well in a college where he is unhappy. He shouldn't have to stick it out at a college far from home solely to prove his independence. He TRIED a school 7 hours away ... and so far he doesn't like it. So, Lesson #1 learned from college: Crazyandy is a homebody. Is there really anything wrong with that?</p>
<p>I have to side with Thedad. I traveled not a few hundred miles but a few thousand miles from home because I wanted to be away not only from my family but also from the society I was used to. I was very unhappy in my first semester and often wondered why I had chosen to leave home after all. But things improved dramatically in the second semester. I made friends, met my future husband, my grades improved. Over the summer, we had a family reunion in Paris; at the end of summer, I went back to college happily and never looked back.
Homesickness in the first semester is a very common phenomenon. Adjusting to college life in the second semester is just as common a phenomenon. Students ought to try to stick it out for another semester before deciding. This is, after all, the student who could not wait to put as much distance between himself and his family. Why was that? Will things change if he returns? As for seeing friends, my older S went to a LAC that is very popular with kids from my area. My S never got together with kids from his high school in college. He made a totally different group of friends.
The financial issue is far trickier, and it is one only the student and his family can resolve.</p>
<p>And I agree with Calmom. My family moved around my entire life and I continued to do so after I got married. I have lived all over the U.S. and in several different countries. We have now settled here and I'm never moving again. There is nothing wrong with expanding your horizons if that's what you want. But there is also something to be said for keeping friends you've known your whole life and living near family. Nobody should be made to feel inadequate simply because they like roots.</p>
<p>One of my sons is looking forward the leaving the area, while the other two would happily live here forever. They have the right to make those decisions for themselves without somebody criticizing their choices.</p>
<p>I also disagree that you need to move a physical distance to grow and change. For some that is true, they seem to need the extra jolt that unfamilar places and people give to spur a new perspective, but others find that new experiences and relationships are enough to deepen understanding of self and community without physical displacement.
I think some can travel without change, the "ugly american" is a cliche but in most cliches rings truth. There are those who seek in travel everything familiar, wouldn't it be more empowering to have a stable base and seek engagement?
( If I sound a little "woo woo" I have been investigating yoga classes ;) )</p>
<p>I'll also go with thedad. It is OK to love your community and thrieve on the stability of it, but I really believe you should make that choice only after seeing some of the world. In my experience, the kids who remained local for college, even going to top colleges, missed a whole deminsion of the educations their peers who "left home" got. Here in CA, a lot of kids don't consider anything than UC schools. While several are excellent, and my son is at one, I regret the California centric bias the kids come away with. Freshman year away from home is painful for many and part of growing is working through that. If you spread your wings and decide to return to the old gang that's fine, but you owe it to yourself to see some more of what's out there or you'll regret it later. I often marvel about what I didn't know was out there when I headed off to college 3000 miles away. My life would have been so limited if I had stayed in my backyard. Good luck!</p>
<p>I am going to have to side with NO ONE on my being away from home issue. First off, I don't have a great relationship with my parents. I know I know who doesn't at this age. I've been home for 5 days and have argued with my mom on each day, and we're talking knock-out screaming matches. Secondly, I only keep in contact with two people that I went to high school with. Everyone else can just do whatever i don't miss them. I stay in contact with about six kids total and miss them. Don't say I miss the routine of being home, because I'm glad that routine is over. Keep in mind I probably wouldn't come home any more often if I lived 3 hours away than if i lived 13 hours away. Being away from home is NICE. Best thing that's ever happened to me probably. I love the independence and EXPANSION OF MY HORIZONS in my own ways. Being 7 hours away is overrated. I was stupid for moving that far when I could be enjoying the same amount of freedom 3-4 hours away. I would just like to see my friends a little more often than ever 3-4 months (which is how often I tend to come home fro VA). parents don't wanna drive to get me and I can't afford to get home. Hope this clears that up. </p>
<p>Secondly, on the financial issues. My parents told me that if I chose VA Tech, I'd have to pay the cost. It was that simple. If i wished to move that far away, I'd have to become a more responsible adult sooner. My parents can't afford tuition of $27,000 a year, and frankly, I don't want my parents' money to help me out. I don't want them to sacrifice their retirements to provide me for an education. Education is in my hands with my future at stake. I just want to live comfortably and see my parents' hard work pay off for them someday. I will be making enough my first year out probably to pass up the incomes of both my parents combined. Mom is an elementray school teacher for 29 years and dad is self-employed after losing his job in 1997. I plan on getting married someday, going to graduate school, having a house payment, and all that ole' glory. I don't want VT's $75,000 debt to hold me back when I can be in debt for $50,000 or less and get the same quality education. Does this even make any sense?</p>
<p>And for all of you saying I need to move a physical distance from home. i hope you realize that also means simply moving out of your house. I don't need to see the world to be happy :)</p>
<p>CrazyAndy: Sorry you are having a hard time. I remember talking to you when you were choosing between WVU and Ohio State. I will say that if you plan on living in Ohio after graduation, a degree from OSU is great for networking. The Engineering DepartmentS at both OSU and WVU are very fine and very well respected. I think I would opt for the most economically sensible route if I were you. I cannot see ANY point to graduating with $75,000 in debt if you can obtain a comparable education at a much lower cost.</p>
<p>Happiness is a different issue than educated. And in CrazyAndy's case, it would seem that financial issues are indeed compelling.</p>
<p>However, only a part of what constitutes education takes place in the classroom. I understand and value stability: I went to school in six different school systems in three states in three different regions of the country as a kid and one of my moral victories of being a parent is that my D was in the same school system, K-12. </p>
<p>But there are far too many people in this country who have never lived more than 40 miles from some central location and who as a result have a smug, parochial, and provincial outlook of how things <em>are</em> and therefore how things should <em>be</em> with never an original thought to challenge that. They never have an experience outside those sanctioned by the local norms and expectations. This phenomenon can exist anywhere from NYC to Orange County to Moose Dropping, Oregon or Broken Condom, Arizona or Ten Cousins, Alabama. </p>
<p>I laughted at your post thedad, my experience was the opposit. As a child I went to one school from pre school whrough high school and prided myself in bringing my kids to different parts of the Country as my career advanced! I always asked for the job in a new location! Even in a big city such as LA, I am saddened by the limited exposure of the bright local kids who attend UCLA. They are missing so much perspective on the world. IMO, no one is truly educated who has not fully seen more than their backyard. Then can't help but think on a smaller scale. It is unlikely that a kid who has lived in one place all of his life is going to be the one chosen to start a foreign office or be as comfortable being transfered.</p>
<p>Kirmum, I've waged a quiet one-man campaign to encourage local students (we live 15 minutes from UCLA) to go to school elsewhere. As I said, insularity can be found anywhere. Dang. I meant to write "insular" instead of "smug" in my last post. Oh well. At the minimum, I like Chelsea Clinton's theory: if you live on one coast, go to school on the other. At least theoretically, I wasn't thrilled with my D's willingness to write off the South and Midwest outside of Chicago a priori, though I did undertand her criteria in toto and toto wasn't in Kansas.</p>
<p>My LA daughter couldn't think about anything but NYC for college! Younger sister just loves the thought of being let loose in Boston for High School! Yet my son, the oldest, still wants his mom near and UCSD was stretching him. So many kinds of kids, but we're still working on son to stretch his horizons.</p>
<p>Not to mention my nephew, who grew up in San Jose and wants to go to Stanford! Lordy, that kid could go anywhere!! The whole family is meeting to work on this one next month!!</p>
<p>I think those of you who are so focused on physical/geographical distance have a limited world view -- you seem to be stereotyping people or judging them based on what they haven't done that you think they ought to have done. It's ironic, because the stereotype and the debate seem to have nothing whatsoever to do with Crazyandy. I certainly agree with Crazyandy on one thing: I saw LESS of my son when he was living 20 minutes away from me than I do now while he is living an hour away. It sounds to me like Crazyandy has a very clear idea of what he wants -- I'm sorry that there is so much tension between him and his parents, but choosing a college based on its being as far away as possible from the parents isn't "expanding horizons" - it's running away. As kids grow and become more emotionally distant from their parents, they also feel less need for the geographical distance. Also, logistically, one of the problems Andy now faces is that the distance is so great that when he comes home, he ends up staying for days or weeks at his parents house -- if he had a place of his own <em>nearer</em> to his parents, then he would be able to visit them more frequently, but keep the visits shorter, and perhaps avoid overnight stays entirely -- and perhaps avoid the conflicts that come with longer stays.</p>
<p>Sorry, crazyandy, this is off-topic, I'm replying to a post in the thread. I think you've gotten some very good advice so far -- please let us know what you decide?</p>
<p>Anyway, kirmum, this is precisely what's happening in my S's school, near San Jose. It seems to be "the thing to do" to apply to Stanford, but I've discouraged my S from considering that choice too highly. He has other institutions that would be at least as good for him (and was EA at MIT this past week), and it seems to me that staying in the area is four more years of "similar-ness". He has done a lot of things at Stanford in his school career, and knows the campus well, and it almost seems to me that it would be "more of the same", almost as if he were not stretching himself in ways that would help him grow. If Stanford really is the best choice for him and he's accepted, then yes, of course we will make it possible for him to attend. But if there are equally good alternatives, some of which involve truly new experiences, I will encourage him to stretch, and go east, for instance. Just my personal approach, which I realize is not right for everyone.</p>
<p>Crazyandy - Trust your gut instinct. If it is saying OSU, go to OSU. If it is saying "stick it out at VT" then do so. But I guarantee that whatever you decide, you will look back 20 years from now and believe you did the right thing. Of course, by then you'll have all of your college loans paid off. :) Seriously, though, just follow your gut instinct. Good luck to you!!!</p>
<p>And one other thought --- a huge part of maturity is being able to accept that you've made a mistake and move to fix it. If VT really is not right for you for whatever reason, then you will grow simply in your effort to fix things. Again, best of luck to you ---</p>