Could I use this

I wrote this essay for a scholarship a little while back. However, do you think that I could also use it for my college applications? For my college application, I want an essay that really provides insight into who I am while showcasing my excellent rhetoric. Do you think that this essay meets up to these high expectations?

<pre><code> A few of the elementary schools in our school district have low science scores on national standardized tests. Because of this, our high school’s volunteer coordinator organized several science outreach programs. These programs were aimed at exposing local children to science and fostering a love for science within them. The most prominent of these programs was the Science Mentoring Program.

I was honored when the volunteer coordinator offered me the opportunity to participate in this program. The thought of reaching out to young children really excited me! However, the coordinator also warned me that working with young children could be physically and emotionally taxing.

“Physically and emotionally taxing”—I would not realize the truth to her words until I actually mentored the children. Every minute with them was a constant struggle to either get them to do their work or to just sit down and be quiet. The children were so boisterous, and they initially did not seem interested in learning science. One child even remarked, “I don’t like science. I’ll never be good at it. So, why bother?” I asked her why she felt this way, and she remarked that ever since she was young, people have always told her that she couldn’t be good at school.

   Watching her succumb to such negative expectations really horrified me. She was only in the fourth grade and, already, her life was so bleak and jumbled with so much despair and resignation. Someone(s) had convinced her that she could not learn things such as science, and she had resigned to these expectations. The saddest part about the situation was the fact that she was brilliant. She had so much potential.

I felt compelled to enact a change within her and all of the other children’s lives. It was my moral obligation to show all of them just how special they truly were. So, whenever they did something right, I congratulated them and prodded them to keep doing those things. Everyday, when I went to the science club, I filled their day with as much love and enthusiasm for science as I could possibly offer.
Watching a newfound love for science develop within the children really touched me. The children took on a greater scientific enthusiasm than I had never imagined. Science now fascinated them, and they wanted to know so much about it. Towards the end of the program, the same girl who had told me that she couldn’t do science now came up to me and said “Veronica, I love science. It’s fun, interesting, and I’m good at it.” Hearing her say this brought tears to my eyes.

Looking at this experience in retrospect, I now realize that I have done one of the greatest things that a person could do. Okay, I may have not have won a Nobel Prize or saved the world, but I positively touched a young child’s life. By doing this, I positively touched the world.
</code></pre>

<p>That is a wonderful essay that says a lot of good things about your character and your perspective on the world. It is something nice to submit for scholarships, colleges, etc. It fits a variety of types of programs including scholarships for leadership, service, science interests.</p>

<p>To help with some volunteer work that I'm doing in S's school, I would love to hear more details about the program, what the students did, who funded the program and what else you and the other mentors/instructors did. </p>

<p>Feel free to e-mail me if you don't want to post these details on the board.</p>

<p>I wish you well as you apply to colleges and for other opportunities. Do update us as you hear about your offers. I still think it's neat that S and you were in that enrichment program together last summer. It is a small world!</p>

<p>The science mentoring program was started as part of a 7 million dollar grant given to our school district by Washington University and the Saint Louis Science Center. Basically, the purpose of this program is to instill a love for science within young children. The mentors conduct science experiments with the children, and towards the end of the program, we actually help the children conduct their own science experiment. It's a lot of fun, and it's really a rewarding experience.</p>