Could Somebody Take a Look at My CommonApp Essay?

<p>I answered the prompt asking for me to write about a character from fiction that has inspired me, and I chose to write about Mr. Spock from Star Trek. I would be eternally grateful to anybody who would comment on my essay. Thanks in advance! :)</p>

<p>For as long as I can remember, I have always been drawn toward the conflicted characters of movies and books: Pi from Life of Pi, John Nash of A Beautiful Mind, Snape from the Harry Potter series, Spider-Man and Venom from Spider Man 3, and of course, Dr. Jekyll from The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Their continual struggle with their evil counterparts intrigued me, but I could never rationally explain why, as I didn’t hold any strong belief in the sort of malevolent, possessive powers indicated in those works. I often pondered why I was so drawn to something I didn’t believe in until recently, when I was first introduced to Star Trek.</p>

<p>I was immediately captivated by Mr. Spock. That his cool Vulcan logic and reasoning can overcome his human emotions in the most trying of situations was astounding to me. He can remain composed when neural parasites threaten to control his body, when the most dangerous mental patients of the Federation hold him and Captain Kirk hostage on an inhospitable planet, and even when the Enterprise is pitted against a planet-killing doomsday machine. Although he constantly struggles with his human emotions throughout the series, he always seems to overcome them in even the most trying of situations.</p>

<p>And although Spock is known for his impassivity, he is by no means an emotionless robot. When Spock says he controls his emotions, that’s exactly what he means. He doesn’t suppress them; he collects them, analyzes them, and holds them in check. He never openly admits to affection, but anybody can see it when he banters with Doctor McCoy, or when Captain Kirk is placed in a socially awkward situation and Spock almost—almost—smiles. Anybody who has watched Star Trek knows that Spock has a sense of humor, despite his detached pretense.</p>

<p>It was after meeting Spock that I realized that I was not drawn to characters struggling with good and evil: I was attracted to characters struggling with their self-control. The media today glorifies the idea of purging ourselves of our inhibitions and living in the moment, but that worldview is shortsighted, and its consequences severe. I have come to the realization that a Spock-like attitude is the one to take in order to be successful in life. As I work toward the medical field, I must be able to keep my emotions in check, as I must be calm and steady during medical emergencies, when I concentrate on schoolwork, or even simply when I have to decide whether or not to forfeit a weekend of studying to spend time with my friends. But that does not by any means entail suppressing or ignoring my emotional needs. I still play sports, sing, act, date, spend time with my friends: I enjoy life. I simply try to live a life of moderation, like Mr. Spock, in a world that condones recklessness and irresponsibility.</p>

<p>It’s not good because it isn’t about yourself. I dont know who you are except a lame star trek nerd. WRITE ABOUT YOU! I wanna know YOU!</p>

<p>plus it is an extremely bad idea to post ur essay here… usually ppl seem to ask if someone could take a look and pm it to the people that respond…
but after reading it, i can only strongly agree with efforts… plus you have to show much more insight and detail than what you did.
if you really want to use mr spock in the essay, why don´t you do a very insightful and personal analysis of yourself in comparison to mr spock (you would have to provide specific examples here)
right now your essay is much too general, it doesnt really tell the reader something about how you feel, why you do so, and what the broader connections may be that lie behind your emotions…
my suggestion would be to start with one specific example of an event or an experience that meant much to you. you describe the circumstances, then the way you acted, and then you analyze why you did so. then you can play with the comparison to spock (and your tendency to be fascinated by the conflicting characters in a book- which is interesting, so keep it)
finally you might want to end with the kind of general analysis of today´s media as you provided towards the end of your essay, but you will have to give much more examples for the thesis you stated (why this view presented by the media is short-sighted and severe??)
another suggestion: don´t say that you can balance your academic performance and your social life that way. rather bring an example that shows how you did that. it is often very important to come to the point and be direct, but the college essay might not be the right medium for that…</p>

<p>i hope this is helpful Oo i am stuck with my essay at the moment aaarrggh
good luck, hope you get in ^^</p>