Could someone grade my essay please?

<p>I have just begun my preparation for the SAT I. Here is my response to the essay for Practice Test #2 (Blue Book, 2nd edition), page 451.</p>

<p>The prompt if you do not have the book:
Think carefully about the issue presented in the following excerpt and the assignment below.
Many people believe that our government should do more to solve our problems. After all, how can one individual create more jobs or make roads safer or improve the schools or help to provide any of the other benefits that we have come to enjoy? And yet expecting that the government - rather than individuals - should always come up with the solutions to society's ills may have made us less self-reliant, undermining our independence and self-sufficiency.</p>

<p>Should people take more responsibility for solving problems that affect their communities or the nation in general? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.</p>

<p>My response:
One cannot always expect the government to take actions to solve the problems of individuals. The government's duty is to serve the country as a whole and execute its plans on the behalf of society. As individuals, we must take a stand and speak up for ourselves when the government is unresponsive.</p>

<p>During the industrial revolution in America, the individual workers and laborers were forced to become self-reliant because of an unresponsive government; when factory bosses abused workers by withholding wages and extending working hours, the government did not aid laborers because it practiced “laissez-faire” and avoided interfering with businesses. As a result of the vain efforts of the National Labor Union, which attempted to lobby the government to pass protective legislation for workers, individuals formed coalitions and independently negotiated with factory bosses. They organized strikes on railroad companies and caused chaos in public during the Haymarket Square episode in which anarchists in the Knights of Labor protested in the streets through violent tactics.</p>

<p>The Civil Rights movement was also a result of individuals taking charge to solve the virulent practice of segregation that plagued 20th Century United States. In this case, the government was an impediment to Dr. King's efforts to end anti-black violence; entirely controlled by whites, it enforced segregation and racial inequality through numerous court cases and unjust laws. The public could not wait for government to realize its errors; it needed Dr. Martin Luther King's elucidating speeches that exposed corrupt laws and decried violence. Dr. King spurred the movement to a brisk gallop which ultimately resulted in the abolishing of segregation and the rekindling of a flame of hope within the African-American population.</p>

<p>Responsibility lies not with governing bodies, but with the people who wish to make a difference in society. The government is merely a mediator to keep all parties in the country content; it will only equivocate upon controversial issues in order to please all sides. People must recognize the responsibility and raw power that they wield if they wish to change their own lives.</p>

<p>Constructive criticism would be appreciated, and if you could estimate a score (1-6 or 2-12), I would be very grateful.</p>

<p>Thanks!</p>

<p>maybe 8/9 out of 12. Dr. King is an overused example, by the way.</p>

<p>Thank you for the feedback. Do you know what I could do to make it a solid 10?</p>

<p>Bump</p>

<p>10char</p>

<p>I guess 9-11. Size is good. Use transitions when you change paragraphs. They seem disconnected. On actual SAT write as much ss you can. Length really matters. Use more diverse sentence structure then 12 is yours :)</p>