Could someone look over my Common Application Essay?

Applying to College Common and Coalition Application
1

<p><a href="https://docs.google.com/document/d/1zpkloV2E0Qa2RNEJB8lrP_n-tm0waGJq3hJs6KyCSY4/edit%5B/url%5D"&gt;https://docs.google.com/document/d/1zpkloV2E0Qa2RNEJB8lrP_n-tm0waGJq3hJs6KyCSY4/edit&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p>

<p>There is the link, you can actively read it and I can update it with your comments. PLEASE. I would really appreciate it. :)</p>