Could Someone Look Over this Essay?

College Essays
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<p>Hello! I plan on applying to an Ivy League school for Early Action, but I am working on an essay for my Supplement--a 500 word one--that I've made a little less anecdotal and a little more cliched/sappy/"why this is meaningful to me"ish... At the same time, it shows a significant accomplishment of mine.</p>

<p>Would someone be willing to look over the essay and give me some advice? I am working on a more personal and anecdotal version as well, but I want to run the current version by some people to get an idea of whether it is any good or not.</p>

<p>My mom thinks its good, but sometimes, I think she doesn't fully get what a good college essay is like...</p>

2

<p>Hello Seriwe!</p>

<p>I am new on CC. But, if you want me to, I can give you an honest opinion as a reader. :)</p>

3

<p>I can read it.</p>

4

<p>I’d love to read it :)</p>