<p>Personally, I'm actually kind of disappointed with how this turned out. I didn't really provide enough specific examples. The mechanics, grammar, and vocabulary are okay, but I'm sure it will get ripped to shreds by CC standards.</p>
<p>Nevertheless, it would be great if any of you could grade it for me on a scale of 1-6 or 1-12. I would really appreciate your help, even if the grade isn't so good. The main focus here is preparing to write a better one on test day. Thanks in advance.</p>
Thorough intro and conclusion, though the intro gives too many details.
Thesis is obvious to readers.</p>
<p>Bad:
1 extended example that was mostly empty and a waste of words. Try to include real or made-up happenings of democracy in action; use US History.
Not enough words, I think. Would this fill up the two sheets of paper on the real test?
Lack of true topic sentences. Well, I guess it’s because you only used one example.</p>
<p>For this topic, I used the following examples:
The Grapes of Wrath
Fahrenheit 451
A made-up “current events” in which a person sues policemen for search and seizure without a warrant.</p>
<p>Your Solution:
Prepare examples from literature, history, etc.
Prepare to BS your way through if you can’t find enough examples.
Fill the two pages. Seriously. It seems to work for many people.
Can’t tell anything about your transitions, overall structure, etc. but it should be OK.</p>
<p>Thanks for the response. Will consider all of that. I think I got a little carried away by an example 6 essay I saw that focused more on one topic. I kind of ignored the fact that he really expounded on that and went into detail.</p>
<p>I definitely think I’m capable of getting myself up to a consistent 8-10 range, so I’ll work towards that. Thanks again for the critique.</p>