Could you please grade my practice SAT Essay? :)

<p>This is the prompt from the SAT in 2006:</p>

<p>Do people accomplish more when they are allowed to do things in their own way? Plan and write an essay
in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples
taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.</p>

<p>And here is my response:</p>

<pre><code>People accomplish more when they are allowed to act according to their own will. One can observe the failures of those who have previously gone against individualism. Take Colonial America, for example. The Puritans of New England held the ideology of the "Social Gospel," or that the church should have direct influence over economic and personal affairs. Karl Marx, a German philosopher in the mid 19th century, claimed that "capitalism was the dictator of the bourgeoisie," and advocated for Socialism, a system in which the government owns and controls the production of goods.
The Puritan culture fell apart due to a lack of church membership, along with arrival of the "Age of Enlightenment," a movement which emphasized man's ability to reason for himself, rather than blindly following of tradition. The Soviet Union, a follower of Marxist principles, disintegrated in the late 1900's after its people demanded freedom from government control.
The United States, on the other hand, practices a democratic form of government, founded upon laissez-faire capitalist principles. This system demands that the government cannot be involved in the business affairs of the individual, thus allowing for one to accomplish more according to his own system, rather than that of the government.
With this freedom, innovators such as Steve Jobs were able to develop completely new technological systems. Jobs is infamous for "throwing tantrums" and getting extremely angry at those who failed to live up to his high standards. Some may consider Jobs as "crazy" and "eccentric", but his "insanity" allowed for him to develop one of the most successful companies in the world, an accomplishment which would have never occurred if he were not allowed to do things his own way.
Individualism is the root of success. People as a whole are too diverse, too unique, for communist and socialist principles to succeed; these governments do not allow for diverse religions and cultures, and forcing such diverse peoples into one single mindset is nearly impossible. On the other hand, whether it be Charles Watson and his founding of DNA, or Steve Jobs and his development of Apple, it is apparent that one can accomplish great things if he is allowed to work in the manner most pleasing to himself.
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