counseling, psychiatrist visits, meds, and parents' insurance

Parents Forum
21

Another thing to consider - the bill itself. While the visit may be a copay you can pay on the spot, tests are sometimes extra, you don’t know the amount and get billed. Make sure bills come to you, unless you need the folks to pay.

Your EOB will list provider or facility as mentioned above. I’ve more than once googled a provider to see just why I was being charged (Often, it’s a lab doc who read test results and no one ever actually met with). Still, even if the folks see only a name, it’s possible to find out what kind of provider that is. A lot depends on how diligent your folks are with their insurance. Anybody who’s had any sort of major medical issue, even once, is probably on top of this stuff as facilities love to bill twice, bill without submitting to ins, etc. I wouldn’t count on your parents not checking.

I believe you believe keeping your folks completely removed from the situation is for the best. However, right now, you have the power to control how and when they find this out. If you are suffering from a serious mental illness, the chances are good that they may find out when your disease decides (you’re hospitalized, have a problem at school, etc.). Then, your parents are dealing with whatever incident arises and the diagnosis at the same time. Consider whether revealing your suspicions about your mental health in a way you can control would be better than them finding out in a crisis situation.

22

It may be difficult to think about telling your parents, because there is still a lot unknown. You don’t have a diagnosis, nor a prognosis. At some schools, a significant percentage of students receive mental health/counseling services. While some students find it easier to ask for professional help than others, it is much more common than not for these students to have some level of trepidation/concern before choosing what / how to discuss this topic with their parents.

The simple fact that you are taking advantage of the counseling is a very good step for you. Right now, your post reads in part as though you are trying to predict how the entire process plays out until you are completed “cured”. Please understand that these issues are almost never that easy to predict.

There are perhaps as many kids who don’t need to get on medication as a result of MH counseling as not. I don’t want to downplay your situation, but have you considered telling your parents at various milestones - and treat many of them as celebrations. I don’t know your parents, obviously, but I have not met many parents who would truly be upset with a child who has decided to get help. There might be a little shock, but the biggest reaction is more likely concern. When you tell them you’re getting help, you start to tell them by thanking them for helping to prepare you to know right from wrong, and how to make good decisions. You know they want the best for you, as they have (often or) always shown that. They helped you pick a good school that is right for you. Your coach or one of the advisors, etc. has reminded you that these services are offered at school because there are a LOT of kids who benefit from them. So you want them to be glad for you that you are going to get the help you probably need.

Depending on your relationship with your parents, you might try to add a dose of humor along the way - stupid jokes can break a fair amount of tension. Things like - “next semester send me a shirt with a smaller collar because I’m getting my head shrunk.”

You can tell them you were concerned about telling them, in part because you don’t know how this will play out. You don’t know whether or not you might be better off with medications, or how much any of it will cost, but for now, you are going to look into this while the first x visits are free/covered by the school. Because after all, your parents taught you the value of a dollar, so taking advantage of something free is a good way to determine if it is right for your situation.

You don’t have to share everything with your parents, but if you give them small pieces, sandwiched around how much you appreciate everything they’ve done for you, and that you know they will always be there for you, and you wanted to tell them in advance you really appreciate the respect you know they will give you as you work through this process. You are glad that when it comes to this issue, you are telling them in advance with respect for them as adults, and as a young adult yourself you appreciate them treating you as an adult. And most of all, you thank them for understanding that since this is about you - not them, there may be times when you might not be ready to talk. But after all, it’s not like you are about ready to quit college and get a job selling weed. When my D came home from college on her first break, her stock answer to anyone who asked about college was “okay, I guess, but I’m not pregnant by my professor…yet”

If you tell them this, it lays the groundwork for what may come down the road, but it also disarms them of any accusatory/probing questions that you might not be ready to deal with.

I really wish you the best in your next steps

23

thank you for all the responses and help and perspectives. it’s hard for an outsider to understand why I cannot tell them so I understand your viewpoints. I’m going to call my insurance and see if EOB’s regarding my visits and stuff can be sent to me instead. I’ll talk to our team’s doctor and see what they’ll say about it. thanks again.

24

If you have experienced mania then a diagnosis of bipolar is not BS, as you put it, but helpful and even crucial. For instance, you may experience depression with bipolar but should not take antidepressants- they will create a manic episode. You can only take antidepressants once on a mood stabilizer like Lithium or Depakote or Lamictal.

You may not have this problem at all. Time will tell. But it is nothing to be ashamed of and meds can make a huge difference. I am so sorry you are not comfortable sharing with your parents and hope you can find a way to privacy.

25

I doubt that any insurance company will send the EOB’s to anybody but the named insured.

That said, as a parent, it breaks my heart that you don’t feel you can confide in your parents. Do you have another relative, an aunt, uncle, older cousin, family friend, HS teacher, anyone you feel comfortable confiding in and either having them be with you when you talk to your parents or having them broach the topic? I will tell you that my own son left school struggling with mental health issues that he refused to discuss with my H and I and he has not yet returned. I wish every day with all my heart that he had chosen to confide in someone before he was forced out of school for poor grades. PLEASE consider confiding in your parents.

26

You will not be able to have the EOB’s mailed to you. I don’t want my spouse to see my medical EOB’s and there is no way for me to keep it private. The only other way is to pay out of pocket. Counselors usually charge on a sliding scale. For example, my provider agreed to let me pay $50 cash at appointments if I did not want to go through insurance. On the EOB, the visit will likely show as medical visit and the provider name. If filed through a center, it may include more description in the name. However, no matter the type of doctor, your parents will want to know what the visits are for if you are going on a regular basis.

27

@toomanyteens that is not true. My oldest daughter’s large state school stopped offering insurance to out of state students after Obamacare passed, though it was still available to in-state and international students. OOS students were expected to have private insurance or use their state exchanges. It was actually a disappointment to me because using our military insurance in the area around her school (Seattle) was exceptionally difficult.

My second daughter’s school does mandate that we purchase their plan for her, after they deemed the military insurance requirements insufficient.

28

Counseling visits on campus typically are “free” and insurance is not involved at all.

If you are on a four month semester, with one week for spring break, that’s only about 13-14 weeks left for possible counseling visits. Most folks visit therapists just once a week anyway. So you probably won’t need off campus visits unless the need becomes more acute, at which time it might make sense for you to share the situation with your parents. Of course, this is your choice and you might want to discuss this issue in therapy, but at some point, if the situation becomes more serious, then treating it like any other serious illness might make sense. I understand the hesitation and only you can know your family, but at some point, having to suffer through a serious illness AND keep it a secret from one’s family could become an insurmountable burden. Keeping big secrets is tough and takes a toll.

You seem to be on top of things, thinking through these details before the semester even starts. This is GREAT, really truly. Not many young adults are taking this kind of responsibility. I wish you the best of luck.

29

Contact your insurance company and ask them directly. You might be able to sign up for electronic delivery of your explanation of benefits, which would prevent your parents from seeing any mailed copies. They will still be able to see how much you have spent toward deductibles and out of pocket caps. If your parents access their own information electronically, do not worry, the DO NOT have access to your explanation of benefits - that is covered by HIPPA laws, and the insurance company cannot share it with them (and mailed ones are sent in your name, so they would only see them if they open your mail).

As the parent of a teen with mental health issues, I would encourage you to be open with your parents - not necessarily about any diagnosis, or treatment, but that you are seeking treatment. Tell them you are doing so as a preventative measure, to head off any potential trouble before it starts. If they are worriers, it might help them to know you have someone locally to support you.

On a more personal note, if you are already experiencing not just depression, but possibly mania, please do seek help. Not only should you avoid self medication with marijuana, but you should be very careful with antidepressants as well. If you are prescribed on, and you feel much better too quickly, return to your doctor, and ask for something else. Mania is far more dangerous than depression. Please consider giving whoever you see permission to speak with your parents in case of an emergency. Let your providers know your concerns, but allow them the discretion to notify your parents when appropriate.

30

Just to repeat: antidepressants are dangerous if mania is a possibility.

If you are at a school that does not offer insurance, you can get on Medicaid yourself in some states and any info on meds or treatment goes to you. Not possible everywhere but available in my state.

31

^^Not if he’s a dependent on someone else’s tax return. Being an 18-year-old college student is a tough, in-between place. You’re still a dependent, yet are legally an adult.

32

Having worked in the mental health field for a few years, I would like to congratulate you on recognizing that you have a problem and that you are willing to deal with it and get better. That in itself is a major step. Do not let fear stop you from getting the help that you need. Research any drug that you are prescribed for drug and food, yes food, interactions. This is especially important if you are prescribed a MAO inhibitor. After you have had a few sessions with a therapist or psychiatrist, ask him/her how you should tell your parents about your illness. They can guide you though the process and support you. You should keep on you, in your wallet or wherever, the name and dosage of the drug(s) that you are taking just in case of an emergency (doctors and hospitals like to know those things). No alcohol, none. Again, bravo for taking a major first step.

33

This is not true. I’ve had my over 18 adult kids (not dependents) on various plans due to job changes(Aetna, Anthem, Cigna). I have always been able to see my kids’ EOB online - doctor’s name, procedures done, lab tests, costs, etc.

34

Our insurer sends the EOBs to our house. They’re addressed to our daughter, but I open them to make sure everything looks legit.

35

MAOI’s are rarely used these days because there are other first line meds to try first, and because the MAOIs require such careful compliance to avoid the risk of dangerous complications. And, as for the risk of some antidepressants triggering a manic episode, yesterday it is a risk, but not an absolute. Bipolar patients are often treated with other mood stabilizers (on and off label use) but antidepressants aren’t automatically ruled out. It depends not he person and the diagnosis. Good luck!

36

First, let’s assume OP cannot tell his/her parents. Yet. We on CC know well there are many parents who exert such pressures that there’s no room for reality.

Second, it’s very important that OP has not been diagnosed. What he sees as depression and/or occasional mania may not be bipolar disorder. Yes, it’s what he feels, but without medical perspective. This still may be normal event-related stress and relief. We don’t know. Some anxiety, eg, happens to all of us.

Yes, start with college services. If the first counselor doesn’t seem helpful or the right fit, ask for another. It was at that point that the center referred my D to a psychologist who worked both on campus and off.

37

AARGH autocorrect! Post #34 should say “yes, it is a risk”, not “yesterday”.
And @lookingforward ‘s post is spot on. A qualified MH professional needs to be the one to make the diagnoses. One should be careful not to. self diagnose or use diagnostic terminology in general conversation. That said, worlds like “depressed” and I get manic” are in the vernacular, and are recognized as not meaning to be used in a diagnostic way in those circumstances.

38

@MaineLonghorn -

I open my kids’ mail, too, because it comes to my house, but my son the mailman tells me that is is actually a Federal crime to open mail addressed to other people without their permission. I should clarify that I only open mail related to me or the family, like parking tickets and letters from school, and that my kids know I do this, as I am sure your D does, too.

Also, I made the comment that I doubted insurance companies would send EOB’s to other than the named insured based on my experience with my insurer. The EOB’s come addressed to me by mail regardless of who they are for. In addition, I am the only one who has access to the online system, but that is by my choice as I could share my access info if I chose to. I did have to have my H and my older kids consent to my getting their info after age 18 but they never asked with the two youngest kids (now 21 and 18). It seems that other companies handle things differently, so the OP needs to check into how his parents’ carrier works.

Regardless, I do think that the OP should discuss their feelings and issues with their parents.

39

thank you for all of the replies but I cannot stress it enough that I cannot tell my parents. it is a non-negotiable for the sake of my well-being and my financial dependency. I I will try all the suggestions.

40

Is there a local community mental health facility near your school?