Advice? Had no idea until I encouraged my very modest daughter to approach her counselor with all of the good news and awards she was winning outside of school (with upcoming need for a rec). She said her counselor was fake smiling and nodding, then pivoted and says “That’s nice, but I just want you to know it’s not the end of the world if you don’t get into [college her daughter was just rejected from]. Many people are really successful even if they stay home and commute to [the local college]…”
Will this pass or is the counselor always going to hold this mini grudge? The specific college is not very popular around here and it’s very obvious it’s my daughter’s top target. My daughter needs a counselor rec for a summer program within a couple weeks, but it feels strange now.
I’m not convinced that the counselor is holding a mini-grudge, let alone that she’ll hang on to it. Maybe she’ll just do her job. Maybe she even considered giving your daughter that particular disclaimer to be part of her job. As a GC, she surely knows that kids get rejected from colleges all the time; she may not have been surprised by her daughter’s outcome. And she surely knows that other students are going to apply there in the future.
What would I do? It’s probably OK, but if you’re really worried, then do some recon rather than agonize about a hypothetical issue.
Hopefully you (the parents) will soon have an opportunity to meet with the GC for an hour or so, per whatever the usual schedule is for your high school. Turn on the charm, bring some treats, and talk to her about what’s best for your daughter. Have a dialogue; ask the GC for her opinions about the school in question as well as other schools. Be sensitive to the fact her daughter was rejected. This is good to do anyway, but you should also be able to get a bead on what’s going through the GC’s head. Plus, you might learn some interesting stuff too
It doesn’t matter whether she is bitter or not. The wisest course is to assume that she is bitter (and yes, it’s pretty normal to feel sour for a while when your kid is rejected from her top choice school) and proceed accordingly.
Be sensitive to her situation. Be humble about yours. Have a list that includes some safeties (a good thing to do anyway) and talk about those. But then work in that you are also applying to X (school where GC’s daughter was rejected) and Y (other school at same level), as well as Z and ZZ (match schools). Be gracious and thank her for doing the recommendation.
He is not a machine and is disappointed for his D as any parent would be. I’d guess that as soon as his D finds a college and is settled in, he will be fine.
I don’t see this as a sign that the counselor is “holding a grudge” Were you present during the exchange between the GC and your daughter? Maybe your daughter was feeling awkward about approaching the GC given the recent rejection to GC’s daughter and misperceived the interaction . Is the college a super selective school where rejections of even strong candidates is the norm? Maybe the GC was actually trying to prepare your daughter for the possibility that she too may be rejected. As a GC , she has info regarding stats on many students who have been accepted , rejected and waitlisted at that particular school. Have you already looked at last year’s common data set to see how your daughter’s statistics compare to recently admitted students? If you haven’t , I would so that you can get an accurate , unbiased picture of how your daughter measures up. If she looks competitive, I would give the GC the benefit of the doubt and approach her later in the semester to ask for a recommendation for the summer program. If she won’t write one, then you can go above her if need be, but I wouldn’t until I was sure there was really an issue.
GC is a professional. He (she?) will handle whatever other kids need. GC will keep the personal agenda out of it or be at risk of loosing the job. There is nothing strange or weird expecting the person to do his job. It does not have to be more complicated than that, pretty simple: GC has a job to perform.
No grudge here. Your daughter should keep getting good grades, participating in her ECs, doing well on her ACT/SATs, and putting herself in the best position to be admitted next year. One thing you can do–ask the counselor for a copy of the school profile page that gets sent to each college and university along with the counselor’s letter when your daughter applies, if you haven’t yet seen it. It will give you a rough indication of where your daughter falls in relation to the rest of her class. There is A LOT of information on that page.
Even if the GC is upset in the short term, by next year the daughter will be happily settled elsewhere, and any ill-feelings will fade. Regardless, I would hope that he/she would remain professional about this.
There simply isn’t anything in the OP to suggest a grudge other than “general suspicion.” There’s nothing to indicate the GC would write a sub optimal letter, or give false information out, or anything like that.
No one knows what this GC was thinking, whether it had anything to do with her daughter’s situation. For all we know, she had other things on her mind. And sorry, but OP’s daughter could have been bubbling over in an unrealistic way or not really be a reasonable match. Anyone who’s been on CC a while knows kids sometimes let their “dreams” overtake a rational view.
Plus, almost no hs kid is able to read an adult as another adult can. So I mostly agree with al2simon to diplomatically get your own view.
I’m not certain of this GC’s professionalism, I just see nothing in the story to suggest that the GC is holding a grudge. Nor do I see anything begrudging, untoward, or unprofessional in this comment:
Is it not true that it’s not the end of the world if a kid doesn’t get into his/her A number one dream college? Not true that many people are really successful with a commuter school background?
What’s that old line again about assuming good intent? Seems like a good idea based on what’s been reported here.
Even if GC is very perturbed right now, they will likely be more determined to get someone in eventually…kind of s challenge.
She is just managing expectations is all. Are you sure you D’s stats fit that school, and that she’s not trying to subtlety tell her she is not likely to make it?
What is the acceptance rate of your daughter’s top choice? If it is 33% or lower, keep in mind that means more than twice as many applicants are rejected than accepted. People are so focused on single digit acceptance rates, they tend to forget that when a college with an acceptance rate in the 20%-30% range is not an easy admit.
The GC didn’t sound happy (based on your take) but she didn’t sound unprofessional. A general caution against pinning one’s hopes on a dream school sounds like she learned a lesson from her child’s experience. I wouldn’t ignore it.
Agree that OP’s daughter may not be sufficiently experienced in life to judge whether GC was holding a grudge or not. She very likely was projecting her own sense of awkwardness on the situation. Just move forward.
