The guidance counselor’s advice about having options is sound. Perhaps it does come from recent disappointment, but it’s really true that one should be realistic and open to the possibility that the first choice college won’t pan out.
Where is the evidence this counselor is holding a grudge? As LBowie said, it could be sound advice.
Sorry for delay. What evidence do I have? Well, there’s this latest, where my daughter was not talking about college admissions, it was the counselor who decided to make a stump speech channeling the frustrations her own daughter was coping with. We also had suspicions before, as my daughter has been doing things outside of school that her daughter wasn’t, which caught the counselor by surprise a year ago. To be clear, her daughter is a talented student and very outgoing — versus my daughter, who isn’t nearly as outgoing, perhaps not as “popular”. I think my daughter is in a more delicate situation than many of you think. I’ve read a few articles where counselors do hold grudges, play favorites, etc.
And lastly, I’m just a single parent and an accountant, she’s a guidance counselor (professional in this arena) married to a big shot lawyer. Maybe I’m channeling my own insecurities, but let’s not pretend everyone is above pettiness and spite.
I should mention that last year around this time she failed to do a letter of rec for a 2015 summer program. I suspected she was being flaky, so we secured another as a backup. On the day the rec was due she claimed she wouldn’t have time after all, and that my daughter needed to ask several weeks earlier moving forward. So, there is some history.
@cpadad16 - If you learn anything reading CC threads, it should be this:
- There should be absolutely no favorites for a junior.
- There should be absolutely no favorites for a senior.
- There are safeties, matches and reaches (you can absolutely not have a favorite in a reach).
Your high school counselor should never know what your daughter’s favorite college is since there should no favorites, only a list.
@cpadad16 - is it possible to request a different guidance counselor? If the GC failed to write a letter of recommendation last year and worse, didn’t inform your child until its due date (!), I think it’s perfectly reasonable to ask.
It is odd that the GC knows your child’s top choice. In any case, there seems to be some conflict going on and I would try to remove my child from it.
If the counselor flaked last year, I’d be more worried that she is generally unreliable. Don’t make it about where the counselor’s kid did or didn’t get in. Or what her husband does for a living.
If a student wears a certain sweatshirt on the high school’s once per semester college day, that alone is enough to suspect that’s where they’d wish to attend. And if they were accepted to a selective summer program at the college — a program nobody at the high school had done before — that’s more evidence of a favorite. Lastly, counselors outright ask students, at least my daughter was asked, in both 9th and 10th grade where they want to go to college, and plan how to make that happen. Of course my daughter also cordially discusses alternatives.
Is there a way to go around this counselor? Is there a different one at the HS that your daughter could work with? Not providing that letter for a summer program is enough reason to seek out an alternative. The counselor will have to write a letter of recommendation for your daughter’s applications, too. I will say that it doesn’t seem like she has much “pull” with this college (in light of the fact that her own kid didn’t get in…) but that doesn’t mean that she can’t try to influence them one way or the other. But it’s not really clear why she would… she may be mad at that college, but what does your daughter have to do with that?
Given the original information given in the original post, it was not unreasonable for many posters to say they saw no evidence of a grudge . In the future , if you have a question , it helps if you provide all the relevant info so posters can provide helpful options.
I am not going to stir up drama six months before this woman and this school has to fill out a common app. No way. Of course my daughter could have asked sooner last year, and that would be the counselor’s excuse to her superior. That said, virtually no students were asking for summer recs at this school and this was months after any seniors needed them for college admissions, so in my mind she was being deliberate. This time around my daughter is asking weeks sooner, but I am quite certain it will be weak, half-effort. There’s no need to hide it, the counselor knows full well my daughter is gunning for the college her daughter was just rejected from.
"There’s no need to hide it, the counselor knows full well my daughter is gunning for the college her daughter was just rejected from. "
A word to the wise- your DD should not be “gunning” for any one college, as that may very well lead to heartache for her too. She needs to have a list of colleges- any one of which she would be happy to go to, and not make the mistake of put all her eggs in one basket emotionally.
You can and should be instrumental in advising her to not “fall in love” with ANY particular college.
Its just too competitive out there these days.
Sounds like a single choice where people do get rejected from. Good for a heartbreak.
The counselor effectively made this about her D failing to get in to the college OP’s D is clearly interested in when she made that uncalled for stump speech.
That speech combined with the flakiness last year demonstrates an appalling lack of professionalism in her position at the very least.
While the counselor has a right to her feelings regarding her D’s rejection, she doesn’t have the right to act upon it at the expense of students she’s supposed to be assisting with college applications and providing a GC report for each of them.
In light of all that, both are good reasons for getting a different GC for your D ASAP.
More of a reason to switch GCs. A half-hearted weak recommendation tends to have the same effect as a negative recommendation* to many adcoms.
If it’s apparent from the teacher/GC/admin/employer that he/she’s not happy or less than enthused about writing a given student a rec, it’s prudent for the student to seek a different LOR writer or in the case of the GC…a different GC.
- Not very common, but adcoms and friends I knew who worked as work-study students in respectable/elite college admission offices have recounted encountering and/or hearing word about a few applicants receiving negative recommendations.
I guess I’ll repeat myself. My daughter is gunning for a dream school, and she also has several regional alternatives that she will be accepted to, with decent automatic awards. So, the next six or so months are focused on branding herself for the dream college. I assume she will probably apply to a few other “reaches” (in the same caliber of the dream college), but she’s not nearly as seized with them as the somewhat nearby dream school. I don’t believe the daughter of the counselor did anything that branded her as a match, so I suspect, based on her tone and conduct, that probably rubs her the wrong way. Which is understandable, I suppose.
Note: The dream school isn’t Stanford or Yale with a 5% acceptance rate.
“and she also has several alternatives that she will be accepted to, with generous automatic awards”
Unless she will be applying to U’s that guarantee admittance for
students with certain stats , I caution you on counting your chickens before they hatch. .
Just make sure that, when the time comes to apply to colleges, you have all your ducks properly lined up. Understand what it really takes to get into those schools. It’s complex. Summer programs may or may not help, depends on her possible major and what the summer program entails. And the rest of the story can be a significant part of her chances. I don’t mean the usual head of a club, held a fundraiser, did some easy & random comm service.
Sure, not all GCs write wonderful recs. Adcoms understand, then hope to find the enthusiasm in the teacher LoRs.
OP, have you looked at the Common Data set information for each college your DD is interested in?
It has a wealth of statistical data regarding admissions/ accepted students, etc, etc.
In particular it ranks the relative importance, i.e " weight given" to each part of an application into these categories- very important, important, considered or not considered.
LORs may be “very important” at one college, and only “considered” at another.
It may open your eyes or reaffirm that your DD has an apparent “lock” on particular colleges.
It’s not that the GC claims your daughter asked too late last year that worried me. It’s the timing of her claim - the day the LOR was due? That’s inexcusable. If your daughter was too late in her request, shouldn’t she have been told when she asked?
Your daughter could make the request in writing.That may actually be easier for your daughter to do. (“Hi, Ms XYC, I’m applying to ABC summer program. Here’s the information you need and I’ve included in my request, a little blurb why I want to attend.”) And then she can make "weak, half-hearted efforts in reminding or asking the GC about the letter.
It sure sounds, from this outsider’s perspective, like a lot of effort is being put into trying not to look like there is a giant chip on one’s shoulder.