“On the day the rec was due she claimed she wouldn’t have time after all.” Hoping that was checked before the last day.
OP, you might benefit from starting a thread testing some of your admissions thoughts, see what other parents and some savvy college students offer from their perspectives. The concept of branding worries me. At worst, it can reach gaming. And, often based on assumptions and superficials. A good measure of effort in the right directions is another matter.
Also, personally never heard of hs kids wearing the sweatshirt of a school they haven’t even applied to, on college day. Afaik, in most areas, it’s seniors and after admit.
“I should mention that last year around this time she failed to do a letter of rec for a 2015 summer program. I suspected she was being flaky, so we secured another as a backup. On the day the rec was due she claimed she wouldn’t have time after all, and that my daughter needed to ask several weeks earlier moving forward. So, there is some history.”
Based PURELY on this past behavior I would not use that counselor ever again. Can you use that backup person as this year’s source for the rec? I’d be doing that, if I were you.
Maybe its not a chip, maybe she just doesn’t like something about your daughter (or you) - I don’t think you can assume the reason.
I would cc her supervisor on all requests but would not like her writing the recommendations without someone looking them over first. It concerns me that the issue of the recommendation was discussed with her supervisor and she needed an excuse - perhaps that’s the reason for lack of enthusiasm.
What is the incentive, OP? What is the incentive for the GC to want your daughter to “fail” at getting into the same college that her D was rejected from?
In the context communicated by OP, one possible explanation is the GC not only is married to someone who has high SES status and connections in the local/regional community, but also has the power to intimidate others through the possibility of costly legal suits should OP or other parents with lower SES or connections get on the GC’s bad side.
Even if those suits are meritless, the costs of defending them can be such even a dismissal of the suit could be costly for the defendant in finances and time taken off from work for court appearances unless one has an understanding employer, has a high enough income/financial assets to weather the legal storm, and/or has family wealth/trust fund to draw upon.
The wariness reflected in OP’s comments about GC being married to a “bigshot lawyer” isn’t necessarily limited to the powerless.
For instance, I know of some attorney friends who were dropped from consideration from renting apartments or buying into certain condos/co-ops once the landlord or condo/co-op board found out they were lawyers. I also personally knew a few landlords who weren’t shy about stating that they won’t rent to lawyers for the same reasons.
And in the areas where all of this took place, this type of discrimination is not illegal as lawyers/attorneys aren’t considered a protected class.
Getting back to the OP…his/her statement about lawyers probably reflects the same wary attitudes towards them.
Oh. Well, it’s a pretty weird interpretation of life to think that a) the GC has any specific motivation to prevent / thwart the OP’s daughter from getting into a particular college and that b) she’s going to “throw around” the weight of her husband somehow to intimidate the OP. “Ooooh, I’m going to thwart your daughter! And just try and stop me because MY husband’s a LAWYER!” Whoop-de-doo.
You know, when I was in high school I really didn’t like rich boarding / prep school kids. I thought they were a bunch of effete, privileged dandies. I used to enjoy hitting them extra hard on the field, just to put them in their place.
Then I grew up. I’d say I put this particular foolishness behind me by age 19 or so. As an adult, I’ve had many roles where it was my responsibility to treat everyone fairly regardless of their background. I take that responsibility pretty seriously.
Anyway, as far as what the OP might actually do about their problem – I think getting switched to a different GC in a public school is usually pretty hard without raising a stink. More likely than not it’ll just cause drama and backfire, but that’s just my opinion. It’d be my last resort.
Personally, I think the best way to solve the problem is to meet with the GC and make friends. It’s not that hard to be nice and charming for a few hours. People usually go out of their way to help out their friends and people who are nice to them. Worked for us with our guidance counselor … poor lady couldn’t figure her way out of an unlocked room, but she was willing to help if you told her what to do but let her think it was her idea and take all the credit.
P.S. As to the lawyer comment - well, as Pizzagirl alluded to, I took it as a sign there’s plenty of baggage from the OP’s end as well. As to “who started it” and whether it’s justified or not … who cares. It’s your kid and it’s important, so as Garth Brooks said, you gotta do what you gotta do.
It’s hard to know what might be really happening here. Some people are very sensitive to nuances- facial expressions, tones and can quite accurately decipher them. Other people are sensitive too but filter those nuances through their own lense and then the interpretation gets really tainted and is totally inaccurate. I don’t claim to know what’s happening here though.
What I do note though is that OP and her daughter are really uncomfortable with this counselor. And that is ultimately what is concerning and could derail the college application process. That alone really might warrant a request to change counselors.
It’s a hard decision- change or stay with the one you have and try to make it a learning experience. Tough call.
Also, I have seen stupid petty adults that have it out for certain kids in the school system. Wish it weren’t true but I’ve seen it multiple times. Who knows what motivates these people?
OP, I do get concerned when you use the term “branding”. That your D is consciously branding herself for a particular highly selective school. Sure, I think that you can try to optimize your chances in certain ways but this whole process of branding bothers me. Your daughter just needs to be her genuine self. And cast a wide net to schools that would be great academics ll and socially.
So far, my own kids have gotten into their top choice school (but they had several where they thought that they would be happy at) but it was more of a process of finding a school that molded to their needs rather than them molding themselves into something they thought the school wanted.
Ha! There is not a fear of a lawsuit. More-so her husband has a high status job, they move in high circles, and they make vastly more money than me. And maybe more important, her profession is knowing the ins and outs of this admissions process. You hope school faculty and staff is above this sort of pettiness, but I’d bet it’s a challenging pill to swallow seeing my daughter in better position to get accepted to her daughter’s dream school.
I never notified her superior about the letter of rec issue. Daughter had secured a backup because the counselor has shown to be flaky and unreliable in the past, which I know isn’t exactly uncommon with counselors. Have to deal with the hand you’re dealt, I suppose. Still delicate.
Is the casual suggestion to change counselors a casual act? That seems like a serious request and let’s be honest, all the counselors are friends. How would it improve her experience if her colleagues are irritated? And worse, I assume that would be shared with the headmaster, blowing this up to a big issue, ex. “Why are you making this request?” Branding me and or my daughter as fussy troublemakers.
Make friends with the GC as I wrote above. (P.S. You gotta “reprogram” your kid too since it sounds like she has bad feelings about the GC. The GC will probably be able to sense any bad feelings on your daughter’s part pretty easily.).
Make sure your daughter has two or three stellar teacher (or other appropriate) recommendations to offset a possible lukewarm GC rec. To be honest, my impression is that schools weight the teacher recs more than the GC rec anyway.
Switch GC, with the possible risks that you are already aware of.
My vote is 1 + 2.
P.S. Since there were issues with stuff not getting done by this GC - aggressively check the college’s admissions website to make sure all the needed application materials make it there in a timely fashion. If you ask the GC to send all her stuff early (late September is very early even for early action / early decision kids), then you should beat the rush and will have plenty of time to chase down any straggling items.
Even professionals will let their preferences show, and I’m not sure that it’s a bad thing as long as it’s based on something real. DS’s GC liked him for his lack of “grade grubbing.” I don’t doubt that her recommendation reflected that, to DS’s benefit. One of his classmates had a higher GPA, but had written a Common App essay (which I saw) that shot way past humor and into inappropriate and offensive territory. The GC had him rewrite and rewrite, but finally said that she couldn’t force him to write an appropriate essay and gave up. I can’t imagine that her recommendation didn’t express some of her frustration, and I don’t think it was unprofessional.
OP, I’m inclined to think that your D’s GC is more flakey than ill-intentioned, but some fence mending would be a good idea. Make friends to the extent you can. See if perhaps your D inadvertently pressed some buttons (she’s a teen, so more than likely she did ). I know none of the actors, but it might be a teachable moment for your D.
I agree that to ask for a new GC would be quite inflammatory, and would look for any other possible resolution.
Make nice with the headmaster, too. And tell your daughter discretion is the better part of valor. Skip the sweatshirt on the next college day. Let kids celebrating their college decisions have the spotlight.
Gunning is a word I can’t remember being used on CC. Nor branding. The concept, sure. Just phrased differently.
). I know none of the actors, but it might be a teachable moment for your D.