<p>First of all: your nerves are normal. Lots of kids are nervous beyond belief on the first day (and before) but no one admits it until much, much later. There’s a definite culture at my boarding school of pretending to have everything under control all the time, but it’s very much an act. “Fake it Till You Make It” is not a bad coping strategy for many, but knowing that everyone else isn’t as calm and collected as they seem may help ease your worries. </p>
<p>Your first semester at boarding school will be a mix of the good and the bad. For some kids, it helps to know that going in. What if you don’t like your roommate? Well, then you’ll find a way to live in peace in the room, and you’ll find better friends down the hall or in your classes. What if it takes a while to find your crowd? It’s almost certain to; many kids don’t find their way until Thanksgiving, Christmas, second semester–it doesn’t mean it will be all misery until then, just lots of ups and downs. A few downs doesn’t mean you’ve made a terrible mistake. Remember to reach out to the adults at school as well as talking to your family about your concerns. I do a brisk business in introducing kids to other kids I think will hit it off, or sending kids towards activities/sports/clubs where I think they will fit in, and I do it subtly so it doesn’t look like I’m helping out. Last May, my students finally started laughing in a big group about all the behind the scenes work I did to help them find their place here. Boarding School grown ups (especially at small schools) really do want you to thrive and succeed socially as well as academically.</p>
<p>Boarding School Orientations are an extrovert’s game. As a very shy person, I find the first few weeks exhausting because so many of the kids are in hyperdrive. Let them carry you along, and remember that shy people have to be patient and play a longer game. Don’t expect to find your best friend on day one. Just focus on the things you like, and don’t be thrown when you have your first hard day or hard week. CC is all about the dreaming, imagining, and fetishizing about the idea of boarding school; the reality is that it remains as tough as adolescence always is, but with some unique excitements and challenges and opportunities. Don’t expect a land of gold raining from the skies; it’s still high school after all, and high school can be hard.</p>
<p>And as for your potentially embarrassing cousin… if he’s a recent graduate of the school, it’s really likely that the teachers will remember him fondly (we tend to have rose colored hindsight for graduates). And now I’m going to say something that you probably won’t believe: adults at boarding school will not judge you based on the actions of your family. We just won’t. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen kids shrivel and shrink in embarrassment over something their parents said which I did not think was embarrassing or shameful at all. And yet, here are these poor kids melting into the floor, or shooting dagger looks at their folks, who I just think are nice. The other secret to remember is that no one is really listening or paying attention to anything that first day. As a teacher on a big dorm, I will have dozens of move-in day conversations, but really, I am on friendly autopilot because I find all the energy and noise and nervousness overwhelming. Odds are that your cousin and mom could dance the funky chicken dance in the middle of the room and the dorm parents wouldn’t blink, much less think you are weird because of something your relatives did. And let’s face it: they’re not going to do that. The worst thing is someone will make a joke that you interpret as horrifying, but which everyone else sees as an attempt to ease a big, scary, transition. You will be okay.</p>
<p>Even for domestic kids, Boarding School is like moving to a foreign country. Don’t expect everything to be familiar and like home, stay open to the unique rhythms of the new place, give yourself time to adjust, and remember that nervousness will pass. You’re on the adventure of a lifetime.</p>