<p>‘we can conclude that this is metaphor or in other words, simile’</p>
<p>What you’re basically saying here is: we can conclude that this is a metaphor, also known as a simile… e.g. you’re saying metaphor = simile</p>
<p>you use way to many semi colons such as here:
‘The majority of books about mythology and fiction, portraits unreal creatures, events, or other inscrutable issues; consider characters of those books: Hercules, the monster killer; Asclepius, the first doctor; Dionysus, the creator of Greek fraternities.’</p>
<p>Use full stops more, otherwise it’ll sound kind of like dot points. Using full stops also makes it flow better. ‘Consider characters’ - you’ve listed those characters. You should expand on how they are linked to your thesis.</p>
<p>You need an introduction and a conclusion, introducing and summarising your points. </p>
<p>This might be harsh, but imo you haven’t even presented your side of the topic. If it’s there, it’s not evident. You seem to be waffling on about HOW books present the world, not arguing one (or discussing both) sides of that 'books represent world as it is/as it should be. '</p>