Yes, these things are scary.
One of my friends had to remove her daughter from her living situation at great cost due to a dangerous SO that the roommate had. Friend had her daughter take a leave of absence. Yes, it was that serious. It was a huge financial setback that also cost the DD a semester of college and nearly a transfer out of there.
The roommate ended up leaving school later and did not return.
I do not want to disclose too much, but I knew the family because one of my kids was friends with the daughter. I was aware of a lot of the drama with the family. It is sad and shocking to me that the father continued to exert his bad influence on the daughter. I have to say I didnt see any abuse of mother to the kids. I thought she was loving and responsible based on my interactions with her. I was just thinking of the daughter recently and was surprised to read about it on this forum.
Reading the story, I thought his personality/hold on people reminded me a lot of Charlie Manson.
I, too, am always surprised when people like this can hold so much power over others. It’s totally not in my personality to fall for manipulative people, con men, and such. Being a bit of a cynic can come in handy. 
In a way, it was a bit of a perfect storm - the dad encountering all these kids who had so many issues he could manipulate.
I’m appalled by the college administration’s handling of this.
I think the college did a terrible job of dealing with what was happening. I wonder if there are any lawsuits against the school because of this.
My friend who sent the article to me attended SLC and said this house was very centrally located right on campus, and was owned by the school. So allowing a non-student to live there, especially after a complaint by a parent by one of the housemates, seems like a really big mistake.
Some such manipulative people put their talents to use in more socially acceptable and legal activities like sales and politics.
We very often like to say we should let our young adults make their own choices, and I do wonder where we’re thise kids’ parents. When they saw their kid’s behavior changed what did they do about it. I think the school has some responsibilities, but those kids parents could have also been more proactive. I think I would have known there was someone’s parent living in my kid’s dorm and it wouldn’t have been ok with me. Yes, a parent has the right to visit one’s kid any time, as stated by the school, but I am sure there was a rule on how many nights a visitor could stay. As a parent I would have pressed the school on that.
Anyone else aware of the Nxivm case? It’s absolutely mind blowing who some of the people who got swept up into it are. And some of those women were BRANDED like cattle! https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/NXIVM
The school had no business permitting that man to live there. It would have been a while other issue if it had been a private home rented by a bunch of students. That’s not the college’s business much less responsibility. That’s when the parent’s power of payment would have to come into play.
It’s not easy to lower the boom on your kid about who lives in shared house if all is going well at school, but I know I’d have pulled the financial plug if aid caught a glimpse of whiff of some of stuff this creep was doing. I did it for a lot less to one kid, and was danged close to doing it to another.
Forget the school. They aren’t a police force. The students weren’t the ones wanting to evict him. In the school’s eyes he was a guest of the housemates. Parents didn’t get a say. Participants were legal adults.
I’ve been interested in cults since college. A girl I knew joined a “church” and within a few short weeks cut off contact with everyone. Her parents were frantic and contacted everyone possible to get hold of her to no avail. Its not a matter of “just going in and grabbing your kid”.
The focus of the article was on the few students he manipulated and lived with over an extended period but he manipulated employers, agencies, friends, family etc. as shown by court records. It wasn’t just the young and vulnerable. He was a master. An interesting portrayal of how a sociopath works.
Everybody thinks they’re too smart to fall for a scam right up to the point they do. Look at Bernie Madoff. At least all he was after was money.
Or Elizabeth Holmes… one of the greatest scam artists of our time.
All of these housemates seem to have been very mentally unstable and fragile, and the traits that drew them to live together made them especially vulnerable to a strong personality. I think the quirky, outsider vibe that schools like Sarah Lawrence tout attracts some students who don’t have the wherewithal to function as adults and thrive independently. And unfortunately, the very mental illnesses that make them so susceptible to bad influences typically don’t fully manifest themselves until the late teens and early twenties, just when kids leave home intending to diminish parental involvement in their lives. So their deterioration is not adequately observed and appreciated. It seems as though there are some young people who just shouldn’t be living on their own, and the problem is in identifying them.
It’s just incredibly sad how some people can manipulate others so much and cut them off from loved ones. I can’t imagine the heartbreak the parents are suffering.
“Some such manipulative people put their talents to use in more socially acceptable and legal activities like sales and politics.”
They certainly do, @ucbalumnus, and I don’t fall for them either.
@jonri, interesting about NXIVM. I find MLM too cult-like in general for my tastes.
" In the school’s eyes he was a guest of the housemates."
Colleges I’m familiar with have limitations on how long a guest, even a family member, can stay on campus. The creepy dad in this story far exceeded these limits.
“Everybody thinks they’re too smart to fall for a scam right up to the point they do.”
I do think there are types that fall for this type of personality (and yes, they are many) but also those who don’t. We had a mini Bernie Madoff type situation in my community. I knew the guy was off the first time I met him but, yeah, some seemingly intelligent folks fell for his scam. I was surprised there were so many. In the case of Madoff and Holmes (and my neighbor), greed comes into play. The old adage “if it’s too good to be true, it probably is” comes to mind. This Larry guy and people like Manson have a different and IMO a more dangerous draw and influence which is more puzzling to me.
In this story, I was floored when Santos’ parents paid many hundreds of thousands of $$ for supposed “damages”. What was up with that?
Yes, I know some seemingly intelligent folks who buy in to MLMs, paying significant sums. They’ve tried to recruit us several times over many years but we smile and promptly change the subject.
A sorority sister was befriended by the Moonies one summer. A group of us were living together and noticed we hadn’t seen her for a week or so, and someone said "Oh, she’s made some new friends at the Sunshine House.’ We called her mother and she came and got her and took her California for some therapy.
A co-worker’s brother joined Scientology and they took him to Mexico. He continuously called home asking for money. He became ill and they called his parents to say if they wanted him to pick him up.
That NXVeS thing was really strange but it reminded me of Scientology. The Leah Remini series was really very interesting.
Here’s an interview about another article about the situation.
It’s actually the same article from the New York Magazine in the original post but interesting to hear the comments about Sarah Lawrence.
@MommaJ - I think as this case shows it can be anyone who is susceptible to cults (especially young adults trying to find their way in the world) not just “quirky outsiders”.
Also, they were conned. I don’t think it was a mental illness.