<p>I know it's early, but I'm already getting tearful about that first goodbye when child leaves. We have skype and email and cell phones but still... any strategies for softening the blow?</p>
<p>I don’t think there is any solution to this problem. So don’t avoid it. Talk about it. Joke about it. We keep asking if she really wants to leave us, threaten to send her photos of us eating at her favorite restaurant, and wearing disguises so we can be there every weekend.</p>
<p>Confronting the reality now, makes it easier (but not easy) to let them go. Heck, we cried and sat on the porch of her “house” the evening we dropped her off for Exeter summer school. </p>
<p>It IS dreadful. But it passes when you hear them call with joyful news about the day. This year my daughter traveled out of the country with a school group. She kept in touch with random text messages and photos. That helped a lot. Still, my dh and I dragged around like zombies for a while. But soon life settled into a normal pace until she returned. </p>
<p>So pass the time plotting and scheming about what you’ll do when he/she’s home for vacations. And spend lots of time bonding a bit more now. Lots of hugs will go a long way.</p>
<p>Yep - we’re getting the college blues early, that’s for sure.</p>
<p>A good number of kids on these boards said that one of the reasons they wanted to go to BS is that they can get away from their families, like overbearing moms and pops. So for some families, the hurt may be one way.</p>
<p>Any CC Exeter parents who want to meet for margaritas after they have told us that it’s time to leave, send me a PM. Fair warning: I’ll be a mess, though I’ll try to hold the tears for the ride home.</p>
<p>Pulsar,</p>
<p>Given the nature of the original post, your response was unkind. Even for a ■■■■■.</p>
<p>I wish I had some strategies for softening the blow! I have one finishing his first year at BS and I still miss him every day. My second will start this fall and I am already sticking my head in the sand in regards to that departure.</p>
<p>I guess that’s been my strategy, try not to think about it too much. Joke about it when appropriate. Remind them how much I love them and will miss them, this always gets rolled eyes or “Mom, you are so pathetic” responses! In general, life as usual at my house where I am the only woman amongst the five.</p>
<p>Enjoy your summer and take a look at the school calendar. It helps to see just how many times they get to come home, or you get to go and visit!</p>
<p>I think the best thing for parents to do, although it is hard to think about, is to start now to get involved with their own interests and activities. Start rekindling old friendships, take a class, just get busy! Whether it is your child going to BS or leaving for college, those parents who have made an attempt to make more of a life of their own will suffer the least and their children will also feel better about leaving their parents. Read some books written for parents about letting go of their children as they go to college. Many of the topics will transfer over to parents of BS children. Skype is a great way to feel more connected. And one word of advice about your first visit after your child has settled in (parent’s weekend?), start that day treating your child differently. They will have started becoming a more independent person and if you voice your pride in how mature they have become in a short amount of time, it will mean the world to them. I’m the mom of a BS graduate who is finishing the first year of college now so I do feel your pain! It is hard to let go, but they will still need you and want you to help them and vent to you when they are having a hard time at school. They will have their bad days and if you are a supportive, non-nagging parent, your bond will actually get closer even though they are far away.</p>
<p>Scotland, I’ve got my head buried a bit as well. One of the things that’s such a drag is that we have a very busy schedule this summer. I’m hoping to seize every quiet moment I can. My daughter, of course, is already planning the going away party and there is a list on the fridge of things to buy/bring. </p>
<p>I have a feeling September will be here before I know it. Summer always does just fly by.</p>
<p>I’d also say that it’s probably worse for the parents than it is for the kids in the vast majority of cases. The kids who are accepted are often accepted because they are great kids to be around. What was it that the Dean of Admissions at Andover said, “If you don’t want to be around them, why would we?” or something like that. </p>
<p>Please forgive me, anyone from Andover, if I have misquoted. :)</p>
<p>Thanks, mummyof2, for that bit of advice. </p>
<p>I have been told by many people that “boarding school changes you,” most specifically that “Exeter changes you.” I have to keep that in mind and let him transform on his own, find his way. One of the reasons he wanted BS was to have the opportunity to fail. It might be hard to watch, but I suppose I must. Sometimes, however, I just feel like I’m throwing him into the fire. The Dean stressed at revisit that if they admitted you, you were ready for this. My son keeps wondering, however, if they didn’t make a mistake - especially after taking that math placement test! :)</p>
<p>Thanks for the heartfelt responses, all (except for Pulsar). I’m a little disappointed that I’m not getting that “it’s no big deal” message I’d like to hear, but I’m clearly in very good company. I think that if we had known this was coming sooner, I’d be better prepared, but this was a 12/09 decision and I’m still trying to catch my breath. Luckily, I am originally from the coast where child will be and have enjoyed reconnecting with old friends and family. Will even do a cross country drive to deliver child - stopping to see many loved ones. So we are making lemonade but WAAAAAAHHHH!</p>
<p>This post reminded me some great memory.
My father told me when my aunt took cargo carrier to US. My grandmom did not go to harbor to say goodbye due to short of money. My aunt only have ~$50 US dollars in her pocket. One night grandmom just told my dad that she don’t know if she still has chance to see her in her life. My aunt went back to see her after 10 years that she had enough money to buy her own ticket.</p>
<p>My mother had similar experiences. My father work at hydropower plants so we always lived at middle of nowhere. she sent my older brother to big city after elementary school. My brother carried big burden on his shoulders because he is oldest kid in my generation. Everyone in my big family were eyed on him.</p>
<p>Now my mom told me it is different now for my d. She now has cell phone, good room and board and she will come home 4-5 times a year. </p>
<p>Every parent send young kids away home to study will miss them for sure. However, I would more wonder if kids understand parent’s feelings ?</p>
<p>The miss will subside to, wow weren’t you just home 3 weeks ago? Kidding, no hurt intended but you’ll see. The hard part will be if they want to come home and that is when your support is really required in order for them to persevere the first few months. Some at Thanksgiving won’t want to return, by end of Christmas break it will be easier, by end of Spring break they will be eager to get back. Certainly tell them you’ll miss them but don’t show it so emotionally. You have to be strong if you expect them to be strong. Express excitement at the new adventure and all that it entails because it really is a special journey.</p>
<p>Most of the BTDT parents tell me that their relationships with their teenagers are stronger and more positive once they go to bs because the kids are so happy to be home when they’re home. As a homeschooling parent, I’m really looking forward to becoming just a parent–homeschooling an adolescent has just NOT been as much fun as homeschooling the younger kid, and many small daily points of tension will go away this fall–but I really enjoy the young adult, and I’m already looking forward to those extended breaks where we can just focus on being a family together.</p>
<p>neato, that math placement test is apparently still ahead of us. Was it really as shockingly difficult for your son as your post makes it sound like?! Woe is us!!!</p>
<p>Mainer–check the course schedule on LionLinks. Your child may get assigned to a class without a test–mine did.</p>
<p>Son requested a placement test because his math is partly self-studied and he really had no idea where he should be. It’s not so much brutally hard, but presents problems in ways that most kids aren’t used to thinking about math. He’s actually kind of excited about it. Even if they place him in the first transition course with material that he already knows “how to do,” he will learn a new way of thinking about math and solving problems.</p>
<p>Mainer, your son may not get a placement test. I think they only send on if you check a transition course that they don’t think is correct. As I said, my son requested one because we really didn’t want him placed too high and his math background is a bit…unconventional.</p>
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<p>OOPS, Didn’t mean to comment on this hot button topic. :D</p>
<p>He did not get get assigned to a math class. Although his overall SSAT result was a 99 percentile, his math was only a 78 percentile. Exeter advises that incoming students with less than an 85 percentile on SSAT math should take a course at a lower level than our son had expected. (He’s been an A+ student in algebra and geometry in grades 7 and 8 respectively.) It seems that the solution is for him to take a math placement test to find out where he really belongs. I suspect that what he may find out is that the norm at Exeter is a much deeper working level of understanding than at his public Middle School, despite his placement at an “accelerated” level in public Middle School. Put another way, his Exeter education could begin even before he sits in his first class in September. Three cheers for Exeter!</p>
<p>Mainer95 – there may be some adjustment to his math placement once he actually gets to Exeter in September. Even though he is taking the math placement test, things may change over the next few months. My son took a math placement test in May, but also took some sort of test once he started BS which placed him where he needed to be.</p>
<p>Thanks for sharing that, Kali. It’s similar to what I told our son: Exeter has been doing this for decades, with thousands of very bright kids, and so we trust that they know what they’re doing.</p>