Critique my Common App essay, please?

College Essays
1

<p>Could really use a few suggestions for improving on this essay before I send it in. Let me know if you wouldn't mind reading it, and I'll PM you.</p>

<p>Applying to: Yale (deferred early--with this essay), Princeton, Harvard, Dartmouth, Penn, Brown, Williams, Duke, Bowdoin, Tufts, Georgetown, BC</p>

2

<p>i can help :]</p>

3

<p>send it to me i'll help out</p>

4

<p>I will :). It can be an exchange!</p>

5

<p>i would love to read yoru essay. wanna read mine? lol</p>

6

<p>i'd love to help</p>

7

<p>Send it to me I'd be happy to help</p>

8

<p>i'd be willing to read over your essay if you still need help.</p>