Critique my Common App essay?

<p>I've gone over this essay so many times it's all starting to blur together haha, so I am in need of a second opinion. I tried to accurately portray myself, but I'm afraid I'm not doing enough "showing". I know how important the essay is, and I really don't want mine to blend into the crowd. Any advice would be appreciated!</p>

<p>If you still need an opinion, send it to me in a PM along with your prompt.</p>