Critique my essay and/or topic?

<p>(Note: I've realized what I've done wrong with my essay thread last time around >_<)</p>

<p>Topic: How I worked my way up through my school's math team (AAST) even when other friends told me to quit. When I almost got there, I slipped and everything fell apart. However, during that time, my coach gave me a great lesson that changed who I am. Turns out that I never learned this until he passed away. Currently, I am the math team captain, running the team operations.</p>

<p>If anyone wants to read my essay, I'll send it to you. I'm still adding/deleting stuff so it's quite messy (and since English is not my first language, the word choice sucks. Working on that ^^*).</p>