Critique my essay please?

Can someone please critique or give comments/suggestions for my commonapp essay?

I think one of the biggest problems I have in the essay is getting the reader to like me as a person.
All help is greatly appreciated.

I’d be happy to read it.

I would love to read it

@YPPHDCCB Not to hijack but could you read mine too?

I’ll read for anyone who wants me to! :slight_smile:

ill read it :slight_smile: