Critique my essay, please?

<p>Anyone willing to take a peak at my common app essay? I'm submitting for ED I (15 Nov). I'd really appreciate some feedback. </p>

<p>Many thanks in advance!</p>

<p>I am also willing to read your essay. <a href="mailto:sirenasecco@yahoo.com">sirenasecco@yahoo.com</a></p>