<p>Can somone critique my essay? PLEASE DONT STEAL MY ESSAY, its not that good anyways. Thanks :)</p>
<p>1) Academic Preparation
Rationale: The University seeks to enroll students who take initiative in pursuing their education (for example, developing a special interest in science, language or the performing arts; or becoming involved in special programs, including summer enrichment programs, research or academic development programs such as EAOP, MESA, Puente, COSMOS or other similar programs). This question seeks to understand a students motivation and dedication to learning.</p>
<p>Freshman applicants only:
How have you taken advantage of the educational opportunities you have had to prepare for college? 200 words</p>
<p>2) Potential to Contribute </p>
<p>Rationale: UC welcomes the contributions each student brings to the campus learning community. This question seeks to determine an applicants academic or creative interests and potential to contribute to the vitality of the University.</p>
<p> Tell us about a talent, experience, contribution or personal quality you will bring to the University of California. 200 Words</p>
<p>3) Open-ended</p>
<p>Rationale: This question seeks to give students the opportunity to share important aspects of their schooling or their lives such as their personal circumstances, family experiences and opportunities that were or were not available at their school or college that may not have been sufficiently addressed elsewhere in the application.</p>
<p> Is there anything you would like us to know about you or your academic record that you have not had the opportunity to describe elsewhere in this application? 600 words</p>
<p>My Essay: </p>
<p>In the beginning of high school, I was afraid that my African American background would negatively affect my education because people would not recognize me as a competitive person. However, I strove to get the best education by participating in Berkeley Math Circle and joined an outreach program, EGC, for two years.<br>
Educational Guidance Center motivates students to prepare for college such as college tours, SAT/ACT information, and financial aid assistance. As a result of EGC, I am more aware of long term college deadlines. Due to my initiative in pursuing my education, EGC counselors have recommended me to join in academic development programs.
Berkeley Math Circle is a college-level academic math program that helped me expand my horizons and develop my skills in science and math through weekly lectures. As a result, I have peer-tutored my classmates, helping them understand the basic concepts and apply them.<br>
Throughout high school, I took advantage of the educational opportunities available by taking difficult classes, joining enrichment opportunities such as Berkeley Math Circle, and passing on some of the benefits to classmates by tutoring. I am eager to join Educational Opportunities Program for the low income and continue to challenge myself in college. </p>
<li><p>My passion with music began at an early age. I began to play the flute in the fourth grade, and I have continued to be involved in many musical programs ever since. These programs have greatly contributed to my musical talent, a skill with which I can enrich the campus of the University of California.
At the beginning of high school, I was involved in the marching band at Skyline High. We participated at the Black Cowboy Parade with school bands ranging from middle school to high school that come to play their music and compete. With the help of practicing outside of class, we won first place. I realized then that I was reaching my musical talent.<br>
Another opportunity to increase musical ability was when I was able to compete in a district wide music competition. I was nervous because it required practice and patience, however I played the song and I won second place. From that day, I have decided to continue to enrich and showcase my talent which included a track on a class CD.<br>
I am looking forward to being involved in the UCs eclectic and energetic music programs, sharing my talent with the students, and fully absorbing the best music society in the United States.</p></li>
<li><pre><code> I was ten years old when my Taekwondo instructor told me, “Nothing beats a failure but a try.” This inspired me to be determined, to believe in myself, and to never give up. Taekwondo has made an impact on my life.
</code></pre>
<p>Since I was eight, I would run around the house imitating the moves of the Teenage Ninja Mutant Turtles. The talents of these individuals amazed me, and I yearned to fight like them. Taekwondo training has led me to have a much more humble spirit. Since the beginning of this training, I have matured physically and mentally, becoming stronger, faster, more agile, and more flexible than I would have been if I had not taken martial arts. My nutrition as well as my overall health dramatically improved. For instance, I went to my doctor for a diagnostic blood pressure check-up three weeks before and after I joined this sport. When he walked out of the room, he told me that both my diastolic and systolic blood pressure decreased since the last three weeks due to the strenuous warm-up exercises we do in every workout. </p></li>
</ol>
<p>Physically, Taekwondo is known for its challenging high kicks. To be able to execute these, my strength and flexibility improved. Before I started Taekwondo, my physical capacity was not great, but I realized that the more time and energy I invest, the more my strength and my physical endurance will improve. Because there is room for more work, I continue to push myself to be the best that I can be.</p>
<p>The change in my endurance can not be credited to the physical aspects alone. It is also due to the mental and spiritual aspects of how I have changed my thought process, which included changes in confidence, focus, and endurance. I am now able to talk to people easier without becoming afraid, and I am also better at making decisions. Focus and endurance are other areas where I see improvements. Endurance ties in with focus because it is about finishing what I start, doing my best, and then coming back and making it better.</p>
<p>During competitions, I present patterns of pre-arranged Taekwondo moves, consisting of blocks, strikes, and kicks and so far I have won gold every time. Although it was challenging training, I handled my performance with little stress. My communication skills also improved because of the introduction speeches I must make in front of the judges. </p>
<p>My main motive in participating in this sport was to protect myself and those I care about from anyone who might cause us harm. A peaceful solution to a threatening encounter is always the best solution, but there are times when your only choice is to take the risk and stand up to an opponent. Taekwondo has greatly increased my peace of mind; I know that I have enough skill to keep those I care about from harm. It is my responsibility to protect myself and others from criminal activities such as the theft and abuse that take place in my neighborhood. By increasing my own skills, I have greatly increased my ability to meet that responsibility.</p>
<p>My dedication to Taekwondo has raised my self-esteem to new heights and it will continue to grow as long as I continue practicing this sport. Taekwondo has forced me to remove the fear that was holding me back from my fullest potential. Every day when I attend class, I face new challenges to triumph over, whether they are physical, mental, or spiritual. Most importantly, I want to continue to dedicate my time to Taekwondo because I want to build upon my strengths.</p>