Critique my essay? (:

<p>Hi! I just did a rough draft of my essay, and I'm really not sure where to go from here.</p>

<p>I think it is okay, but I'm not sure if it is going off in the wrong direction, too muddled, or needs more of a personal touch.</p>

<p>Anyone willing to help a (slightly) clueless girl with her college essay??</p>