Critique my essay?

So I wrote an essay about a service trip that I took to the Dominican Republic in response to this prompt:

Please reflect on something you would like us to know about you that we might not learn from the rest of your application, or on something about which you would like to say more. You may write about anything—from personal experiences or goals to interests or intellectual pursuits.

If you’re interested in reading it, please PM me or respond to this thread. Thanks

Try the College Essay forum, read the tips and warnings at the top:
http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/college-essays/