Critique my scholarship app essay please!! help needed

<p>Hey, i'm applying for this grade 11 and 12 scholarship, so yep, i really wanna get in so do pm me if you want to offer comments! I will totally appreciate all the comments. Thanks SOOO much.</p>

<p>Over here :) Is it a scholarship for private school?</p>

<p>Sure. I won a scholarship so I might be able to hep on this one.</p>

<p>cafesimone, kind of! </p>

<p>i pm-ed you guys already. thanks so much. anyone else wanna critique!</p>

<p>bump. 10 char</p>

<p>bump again. i really need some people to critique please! i love you all cc-ers!</p>