Critiques for my essay please

<p>There are two commonapp essays I have written:
1. the growth of passion in an activity
2. my thoughts during the same activity <-this one is rather bizarre</p>

<p>The 1st one is neat, but I'm not sure if it conveys my voice.
The 2nd is bizarre, very odd, yet very me. It lacks a momentum to arouse the reader's feeling, though. </p>

<p>Please, please help me choose the essay, and edit the 2nd essay. Help me build the momentum.</p>

<p>Bump .</p>

<p>If you critique mine, I’'ll critique yours?</p>