CSS Profile: if my father has never given me any financial support?

Paying for College
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@twoinanddone I don’t know how colleges would handle the messy divorce with the parent who stops paying after the kid reaches age 18. Each story is unique.

Nothing I have posted is intended to address issues of fairness at all. And what I think is fair may not be what anyone else thinks is fair. I’m just relaying information about the process that single parent families can go through to establish that there is no other parent who contributes to the child’s financial needs. This will help at some schools and will not help at other schools. The point is that…all is not lost for this original poster.

AND all i said about a letter from the father is to use that as ONE part of a collection of documents that shows that the father is NOT PAYING AT ALL AND HAS NOT PAID ANY FINANCIAL SUPPORT IN YEARS. See the difference?

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The father can submit a letter. The student and mother should, however, be prepared with additional documentation for getting a non-custodial parent waiver.

Heavens…even married parents could write letters saying “I’m not paying for college”.

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Yeah but they’d have a hard time proving a history of not supporting the child, and each other.

I’d certainly get the third party letters together, not so sure about the dad one. Why would he write a letter? They don’t speak. It would only hurt her case IMO. If she can get a letter from him then a college would probably conclude that she could get the NCP form from him as well. Which brings me back to a mental illness kind of issue which if exists, could be somehow documented too.

Hope @ariana29638 returns.

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No I don’t see a difference. The 18 year old is in the same position in either case - the NCP is not going to pay for college. The colleges see the two students in the same way, as having a parent who could pay/u but doesn’t want to. Any student can be in the same position, parents who don’t want to pay or even fill out the forms. There isn’t anything the kid can do about it. It is not fair to some students, no question about that, but the schools think overall it is the most fair to all to require the same documents from every student.

And if I were a FA officer, I’d feel sorry for both students, the one whose parent did pay support and the one whose didn’t, but I’d treat them the same and follow the NCP rules my school set up. Most have very specific policies about who can get an NCP waiver (in jail, history of violence and court order for no contact, can’t find the person). If the OP provides a signed letter from the father, that’s going to prove she DOES have a way to contact him, that he’s not in jail, that there is no court order of no contact. If the student is claiming no contact, no way to contact, no support ever, the letter kind of ruins that claim.

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The fact that the father lives in the same apartment building will not allow a waiver. The custodial parent has to not know where the other parent is. In this case, it doesn’t even seem like a custodial vs. non custodial as they are married, just living on different floors in the same building, and they are still married. A deadbeat dad is the same, whether he is inside or outside the family home.

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All waivers ask how much child support has been paid in the last year and if the answer is none they ask when support was last paid. That suggests to me they do treat the situation of NCP stopping paying when kid turns 18 as different from NCP has never supported the child.

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@momofel, that is a question that they ask, but the fact that the ex spouse didn’t pay support doesn’t mean the college will give you more because they didn’t pay. This thread is asking about a waiver, not about missed support payments in the past year. I would be shocked if you could show me where a school gave you compensation as to lack of child support in the last year.

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This situation is not about missed payments. The NCP hasn’t paid support in over a decade. I’m not saying they should treat the situation differently, I’m saying that because they specifically ask those questions, they may well treat the situation differently.

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Just now revisited this thread and would like to thank everyone for the overwhelming amount of helpful comments! The described situation has been giving me a lot of stress and this thread has been very informative. Warning that this is going to be a very lengthy and personal reply, but here it goes:

One if the sole reasons my mother has not yet divorced my father is due to fear over his reaction. Yes, we have always speculated some sort of mental health issues with him, and his past angry and violent outbursts over the proposal of divorce or child support have made my mother reluctant to upset him. She fears what he would do, especially considering his close proximity to us and the fact that she does not have the financial resources to move away.

My father truly ignores my presence as a daughter: he cares more about his money than he does about me. Not only do I believe it would be unfair to have his income weighed into my college tuition, but I am even scared to ask him to fill out the necessary forms if the NCP will be required, considering his distant nature and his past instances of emotionally abusive attacks when I was younger. (A letter from him will not suffice either, as he will definitely be unwilling to write one and admit to his faults).

I’ve spoken with my mother over our options for a NCP waiver. I think more concrete evidence can be provided over his character and behavior as a person, regardless of financial support. We have had child protective services come over to our household just before my parent’s separated, as my father’s distant behavior made my brother run away from home several times. (No evidence was found of abuse as it was mostly emotional, but social workers recognized my father’s odd behavior and advised he visit a therapist - he refused) He was also arrested once due to ghastly behavior towards a police officer. If we can find documentation for these two events, would it be possible to receive a waiver based solely on his behavior as a person? Additionally, we may be able to request a letter from the landlord to comment on his stingy behavior with money and rent, if it helps. Either that, or a letter from my guidance counselor.

I do see where some posters are coming from in saying that a refusal to pay for college does not constitute a waiver. However, I do believe my situation is special in that my father has never provided financial support in my life, for reasons I truly believe involve his mental health. The only thing I remember him buying me in my life was a pair of shoes in 3rd grade, and that’s saying a lot. He is extremely stingy with money: back when he filed taxes as married filing jointly, he would take the child support tax credit the state gave him, put it in his back account, and not give my mom access to it. Yep, no child support actually went to supporting his children. Clearly unlawful, I know. I feel like he thinks the amount of money he has in his bank account validates him as a person, but that’s his problem.

Its slightly annoying that my mother has placed us in such a problematic situation with him, but I understand where her fear of standing up to him or creating legal issues with him comes from. I’m just glad she was courageous enough to move to a separate apartment.

Yes, there are FAFSA-only schools that I also will be applying to and have as a backup. It’s just that my 3 favorite schools require the NCP. It’s going to be hard to show his lack involvement and support considering his close proximity, but I may as well try requesting a waiver and see where it gets me??

Ps. Sorry if I overshared in this post, I couldn’t help it

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Maybe @sybbie719 can weigh in on this. I don’t know of anyway of you getting the waiver as your parents are married and live in the same building, but she or @kelsmom may have more insight.

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Closing thread as OP is registered under 2 separate accounts and has 2 separate threads on same topic.