So to keep it simple my daughter is not biologically my daughter, on her birth certificate she has only her mom listed. Her biological father raped her mother as a teen but was younger than her mom. When they looked into filing charges the boy’s lawyer threatened to counter sue for statutory rape of him and would be a long drawn out case with her word vs his and they dropped the charges. His name was never put on the birth certificate and to this day I don’t even know his name.
The waiver application asks to list what information you know, my daughter has asked and learned his name but has not pursued meeting him and does not know his address or any other information. Her mom wants her to list “unknown” on the css waiver form. The birth certificate is also blank and clearly she knew his name at that time but refused to give it at birth because of the circumstances. My daughter feels she needs to disclose what she knows but fears they will pursue finding him if they have a name and if the college contacts him it might initiate him trying to find and contact her, which she really does not want to have happen.
Would her not disclosing the information be considered unethical and risk being denied aid? My thought is she list unknown on the line for that but in the open response section she explain the situation and say if she absolutely has to disclose the name she can but only if the school agrees not to try to initiate contact against her will.
As the waiver is a college by college choice she is prepared to take a school off her list if they absolutely want to contact him, but also doesn’t want to lie on the form about knowing his name.
Any thoughts or suggestions?
I would assure the daughter that to attest she does not know the biological father is true, so selecting “unknown” is appropriate.
Under explanation I would write:
My birth certificate does not list a father. I consider “skateguy50” to be my father because he has raised me as his daughter since 20XX.
And I would leave it at that.
If you are married to mom, you already know that your income/assets go on the CSS profile along with your spouses.
If you have adopted, your D your are her legal father and the non-custodial profile would be a non-issue.
Your D will definitely be granted a non-custodial waiver based on the circumstances you presented. What you will need is documentation from a neutral third party, who can attest to the situation surrounding her conception. They will not pursue trying to find him or having your D make contact with him…
She can explain her the situation, and she can say that while she has recently found out his name, that she does not know anything about him nor has she had any relationship with this person. Then submit the letter to all schools in question that are requesting non-custodial information.
Thanks, having her personal counselor write a letter to confirm what she will be saying. No adoption as did not want to have to post legal notice and open a window for him to have contact.
Yes, having her personal counselor or even her GC (if s/he knows about the situation would be sufficient). Wishing your D all the best.
Assuming it would be very uncomfortable for daughter or mother to receive mailings with the “name” on it, your daughter should never be divulging that information. Especially on a financial form that could become tied to a credit report or other consumer marketing portfolio. My dad has a unique name but we moved to a state and into a house on the same postal route of a man a street away with the same name and some how that information has been tied together and he still gets the other man’s mail despite three decades and both of them having moved since. Spokeo has been able to piece together my rather complex family tree from credit reports and shared living addresses. Be careful.
Given the circumstance, the college will never reach out to or make any contact with the non-custodial parent. Nor will they make or advise student or her mom to contact non-custodial parent
I’m not worried about what a Financial Aid Officer will do with the information. I worry about what a computer alogrithim may do with it and the ways these systems are interconnected from taxes to fafsa to private lenders to creditors to school to insurance to health records to a marketing mailer.
In many states, the name of a father cannot be listed if the parents aren’t married at the time of birth unless the father signs a notarized statement that he is the father. If the state won’t declare the man the father, the colleges have no right to do so. They can deny FA, but they can’t start an investigation or go in search. Many schools will accept the birth certificate as evidence that there is no father. This is the case with adoptions by singles too.
I don’t see an issue with “unknown.” This is a situation where the basics are: her birth cert lists unknown, she has never had contact, has no info, he has never offered support, etc. It’s up to her whether she mentions rape.
On the college app, she can indicate Mom’s the custodial parent, or shared with you, if you have some legal status as guardian. That’s it for communications from the college, at this point. If she matriculates, she includes you and Mom as her parent contacts. That’s that.
You can imagine, there are many curcumstances where kids use “unknown.”
You might consider calling one or more of the colleges, speaking with a FA officer, telling the basics, asking how much you need to put on the form. If I were you, I’d simply call him unknown.
And this all can be stressful for her, this reality of her origin. It’s hard enough. I hope she’s ok.