<p>I thought about starting this thread to get some sympathy. D. went to CTY the summer of 10 and 11. She made great friends, learned a ton. That's good. But she lost interest in her local friends. Do you have problems like this? I can kind of understand why, but I don't want to see she is only having real friends hundreds of miles away. she feels lonely. We are worried...</p>
<p>Many of the most interesting people feel like misfits in HS. I would guess that she’ll be fin once she gets to college.</p>
<p>Our kid came home wanting to go off to boarding school to be with the same caliber of kids. It wasn’t an option we wanted to consider at that time, but we did move to another town (self employed/could work anywhere) just so she could attend a more rigorous school. Crazy! In the end, even that school wasn’t enough… Now kid’s at college and is thriving.</p>
<p>Hang in there!</p>
<p>We did not have that issue, but it was one that we were warned to expect.<br>
I understand your worries, but I look at it the other way. She found peers to connect with – This is great. Technology today will permit her to keep in touch with them. </p>
<p>What grade is she?</p>
<p>CTY is an eye-opener to opportunities which many kids could not have imagined before attending. Try and help her find local opportunities. My son wanted to try new things. We explored local opportunities outside of academics (art classes at a local college; Civil Air Patrol). We also explored boarding school. In the end he did not opt for boarding school, but just looking into the cost, admission process and course offerings made him weigh the pros/cons of our local school. It made him appreciate what he already had.</p>
<p>DS went to CTY for 5 years and “evermored” this year. His best friends are CTYers, talking on facebook every day. He’s a senior this year and looking forward to college. His #1 criteria: a decent-sized community of “nerds.” Having 3 weeks each summer being “normal” (boy, is that ever a relevant term!) was priceless in terms of mental/emotional health.</p>
<p>Older s reconnected with a TIP friend in college. They are still very very good friends. Younger s stayed connected on one of those… what do you call it… virtual footbal game things.</p>
<p>It seems OP’s D is a senior–I don’t think it’s uncommon for seniors to feel a bit out of the social stream–not only for this reason, but because they may have been friends with people who have already graduated, and many of the remaining seniors are already looking forward to college. I agree that she will probably be much less lonely when she gets to college.</p>
<p>Actually she is a HS freshman. so we have many years of HS to deal with. 
She does keep in touch with her CTY friends on fb. Still we hope she’ll hang out with some kids around her. </p>
<p>Anyway, it’s nice to read your replies here.</p>
<p>My son only ever made that kind of friend; fortunately he was always able to find <em>one</em> near home (where near = less than one hour drive). But he wasn’t lonely when alone. His main goal for a college was to find a large proportion of like-minded kids, and he got that. Congratulations to her on finding great friends!! If she feels lonely, maybe she can learn to compartmentalize friendships - best friends, bowling friends, mall friends… Good luck.</p>
<p>Ah. When you said 10 and 11, I thought you meant grades. Perhaps there are some more local programs during the year that might attract kids more like her–is there, say, a writing center with writing classes, or someting of that nature.</p>
<p>I should have added that my S, who is a CTY nevermore, kept in touch with his CTY friends, and is still in touch with some of them now that he is a college senior. But he also had good local friends in whom he did not lose interest, and with whom he still spends time when at home. So he didn’t have the same reaction as your D. He was lucky to have a circle of extremely bright, accomplished friends from 2nd grade on. It really made the local schools work for him.</p>
<p>Our son attended two similar programs here in Missouri–Joseph Baldwin Academy and Missouri Scholars Academy. Best weeks of his life until college. He didn’t find like-minded friends in his large, non-spectacular high school until well into his junior year of IB classes.</p>
<p>If your school district has a gifted and talented program, push them to find ways to help children like yours find ways to socialize and learn with peers in high school. Our district stops its GATE (Gifted and Talented Experience) program at 8th grade and then throws those kids into the regular population with no options to be a part of a peer group. It was worse for our son and others who attended private school until 8th grade. Even though our sons have graduated, I am still working to change that at our school as an advocate for “special” education for both ends of the learning spectrum.</p>
<p>My D. did CTY a year ago. When she first came back home, we thought she was going to dislike everybody around her in school. CTY people were the only ones she talked about and talked to. But it changed soon after school started. She still misses CTY friends a lot but she found a couple around here who she got along. </p>
<p>As long as there are a couple kids (even one) your d. can get along locally, she will be happy.</p>
<p>Mu D. is total opposite. Mine has been “accumulating” her friends since she was 3 years old and in HS it got completely out of hands. Now that she is in Med. School, she is still in close contact with everybody, despite of being extremely busy and really pushed academically and with other other aspects of her life, as she is engaged in as many activities as possible, and always looking forward to try something new. I believe that it depends on personality and my D’s is very outgoing and accepting. I do not think that she has ever met anybody that she found not interesting, there is always something in each person that is facsinating. Maybe this is my advice, see different sides of each person, even people who are not a good match intellectually, have fascinating aspects in their lives. Yes, D. has very wide range of friends with various talents and no apparent talents. She get along great even with some who have traits that really annoying.</p>
<p>D2 went to SIG for two summers before grades 7 and 8.
LOVED LOVED her friends, even though she is not a nerd. Used Facebook EXTENSIVELY to keep in touch. After second summer, she felt “that is enough”.</p>
<p>Then went to BS for HS- SIG let us all know she was an excellent candidate. </p>
<p>p.s. Two years later, her older sister (not a SIG-gie) started at the very same college whose campus D2 was on with SIG for two summers- small world!!!</p>
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<p>I am concerned that you anticipate four years of HS with a 
instead of a 
… what is it about her “old” set of friends and her current environment in HS that is making it difficult for her to stay connected / make friends? Is she being cast out by her old friends in a “mean girls” kind of way? Can she articulate what’s lacking or wrong socially for her at her HS? Are there activities or clubs or groups at her HS that she could join to find at least a few kids that she can relate to like she did with the CTY friends she made? Just trying to think about your D’s situation, without really knowing what’s going on inside her, I would worry about her feeling increasingly alienated at her HS if she continues there without making some friends, and alienation is not a good place for a teenager to be. </p>
<p>You say you are worried … I’m not sure CTY parents have the only answers to why you are worried about her. It is true that for many CTY kids, their experience of finding many intellectual age peers does make those friendships extra special - the first time they feel understood by all and can understand that being a nerd is not just OK, it’s cool. And yet, there are all kinds of personalities within the CTY cohort, some of whom are extraverted and make many friends, some of whom are reserved and only make a few friends, some of whom are kind and funny, and a few of whom, according to my D, are, well, not the nicest people she’s ever met. So it’s not just the commonality of giftedness that connects CTY friends, it is the luck of who they meet and how the uniqueness of their personalities click and how they can let themselves enjoy together the special experiences they share at CTY. There are some kids who go to CTY who don’t really like it, don’t make close friends, and don’t go back. All kids are different, even CTY kids.</p>
<p>My D made several terrific friends at CTY (attended 3 years) but also kept old friends and made many new friends of many stripes at her HS, none of whom were CTYers. Her CTY friends have a special place in her life, she has traveled thousands of miles to visit them after she “nevermored”, and she keeps touch via phone and Facebook. But, her childhood friends - the best of whom she’s known since kindergarten - and her HS friends are equally special to her. She had some of the “mean girl” kind of clique challenges at her HS, mostly towards the end of her freshman and beginning of her sophomore years, but through all of that she still made many close HS friends, with a variety of smarts and talents and interests and abilities. Her overall HS experience was definitely a :). I think she is a very friendly and accepting person and generally enjoys people, like MiamiDAP’s D. As a new college frosh she’s already making new friends. </p>
<p>So, YMMV, but it may not be just the match between your D and her CTY friends and the lure of the fond memories of their shared experiences, but something else that’s holding your D back from moving forward with friendships in HS. I hope she finds “her people” in her HS - sometimes it is simply a matter of time as freshmen kids adjust to all the new aspects of the HS experience. Or, maybe if that doesn’t happen despite her best efforts (and making friends does take effort), there just aren’t enough of or the right mix of potential friends for her in her school. Good luck and stay close to her as she navigates this challenge, wish you and her all the best. Ms. L</p>
<p>Memories. S would come home from WCATY (Wis center…) and treat us, his parents, like we were sooo stupid for awhile - duh, where do you think he got his brains from?</p>
<p>Twice there was a winter vacation overnight party at some WCATY guy’s house- sort of a reunion. </p>
<p>Son socialized with HS people in classes, activites and sports (HS CC team had 120 equally split between genders with parent sponsored parties after meets) despite being younger. His 3rd year of WCATY he dropped out after the first of 3 weeks because he couldn’t do enough distance running- got a 4 or 5 on that course’s AP exam the next spring.</p>
<p>Back in middle school he had been good friends with another gifted boy he met for Destination Imagination who was older and a grade ahead. Talking with his mother I learned it was more fun for her son to play Uno with a smart friend despite the age/grade difference than the neighbor. They went separate ways with different interests.</p>
<p>“Ages and stages” comes to mind. Your child needs to become involved in her HS activities. She will learn there are others she can relate to locally, even if she happens to be “smarter” than they are. Hopefully there will be academic teams and other intellectually stimulating groups available. Music was another aspect to son’s HS life as well. It takes time to develop friendships et al as Ms L… states. </p>
<p>btw- for the college years you may only catch glimpses of the social life and friends as the years go by.</p>
<p>One thing the kids have to learn is that when they are adults, they will be surrounded by neighbors & coworkers who did not go to CTY & similar programs, or MIT & its ilk, and they have to get along with them, make friends with at least some of them, and be able to interact as part of their general communities. </p>
<p>My D went to CTY during 2 summers, and she was thrilled to be with geeky peers at last, However, she had to return to the h.s. where there were not so many geeky peers, but she still had to get along with the classmates. Being a perfectionist, she found this difficult, since none of the rest of us is perfect.</p>
<p>It is an adjustment they have to make & a life skill they have to learn. It took my D quite a while to mellow out a bit! And I have friends whose younger teens are now on the same learning curve. </p>
<p>I would tell my child — again & again if nec — that there are many kinds of friends & contacts to make through life, and encourage making some during the school year that are from other parts of life — service such as at soup kitchen, Habitat or the like, church youth group group, townwide roadside cleanups, whatever your area has. Hobbies such as woodworking or quilting or birding. Interests they do share with other kids, maybe sports – the social world when adults will not revolve around CTY-types, it is good to learn when they are young to extend themselves.</p>
<p>Thank you all for sharing your thoughts.</p>
<p>I hesitate to make this “public” but WTH, maybe I could hear some ideas here. </p>
<p>She went to CTY 2010 and made several very good friends. She came back and had post CTY depression for a while. Then it passed, even though she still loved them, and, yeah, traveled many hours to see each other. Those are girls, very nice friendship. </p>
<p>What made things complicated this year is, there is a boy involved… She is happy to “be with him” on fb, together with several other CTY kids. After CTY, that has been taking so much of her heart, and from what I hear, the boy’s too, even though he is many years older. She is too young to get involved like this, imo. They seem not to know what to do with this relationship since even they themselves could see the distance is never going to get smaller, geographically. I don’t know how to talk to her about this. AT CTY, she met boys who are older, intelligent, and all that. some (in particular, one of them, at least) are attractive to her. So she could just focus on him. It’s been several months like this, and it’s affecting her social life around her significantly.</p>
<p>Many details are hard to put in here, of course. </p>
<p>We don’t have older kids. Around us there is no CTYers. I’d really appreciate hearing something from you.</p>
<p>D2 (HS Junior) spent two summers at the Davidson Institute’s THINK program in Reno (CTY on steroids, 2 college classes in 3 weeks). She has aged out now and can’t go back. She was in a funk when she got back this summer at the thought of going back to high school. A month into the school year, it hasn’t really lifted all the way. She spends time on the phone and online with her Davidson friends (esp. one boy in boarding school on the east coast). And one of the previous summer’s boys has professed his romantic interest in her via online emails/chats.</p>
<p>I don’t discourage this. So far no talk of visiting (whew). She doesn’t have a lot of intellectual peers at her school. She has friends, but not ones that are interested in the same things she is and to the same degree. She is still actively involved in her extracurriculars, and spends time with some girlfriends (as much as she ever did, they are not a super active crowd, maybe get together once or twice a month outside school – but eat together and are in a lot of the same ECs and classes). Personally, I prefer a long distance BF for a 16 year old if they are going to have one. :)</p>
<p>D actually made her first truly deep friendships with kids she met online during middle school on the CTY Cogito website. I was just happy that she HAD friends who shared her interests and truly enjoyed what is unique about here. I think our kids are very lucky to be able to meet kids like that and stay connected in this online and national phone plan age. Very bright kids aren’t as isolated as they were when we were growing up, and I say Huzzah! for that.</p>
<p>One thing that helped D is to get involved in ECs in high school that feed her intellectual curiosity. Quiz Bowl, Robotics, Debate, science projects, and writing club have all been a lot of fun for her. And she switched sports last year to fencing, which is a more strategic sport than she did before. It has helped her find some kids who at least share her interests to spend time with. Your D may find opportunities in high school that weren’t open to her in middle school to do this. Encourage her to pursue the activities that exercise her intellect, not just what her friends are doing or what she has “always done”.</p>