<p>just wondering how other parents handle this issue..I can't seem to get through to my d WHY we have set her curfew at midnight on weekends. She has use of a car and one big reason is that I don't want her on the road out driving around any later than that. Too much can happen (drunk drivers, weirdos following her, who know?). We do live in a safe area, but I thnk that gives her a false sense of security. She and her BF tend to fall asleep watching a movie, then get up at 2 am or whatever and drive home! And I think that is very dangerous too because they aren't going to be alert.Also, if I have an early commitment the next day, I don't want to be up half the night wondering when she will get home.
I honestly am not sure if legally she is OK or not driving after midnight. She will be 18 in a few weeks and has had her license since 16.
Of course, I could just say "BECAUSE I SAID SO!"</p>
<p>Any legal curfew laws depend on the state. In MA, under-18s can't drive after midnight, so this was my automatic curfew, though my mother liked me home closer to 11. I think a midnight curfew for a high school senior is reasonable. </p>
<p>Having said that, I just looked up San Diego's curfew laws: <a href="http://www.sandiego.gov/police/about/juvlaw.shtml%5B/url%5D">http://www.sandiego.gov/police/about/juvlaw.shtml</a>. Your daughter shouldn't be out from 10 PM - 6 AM, with some exceptions. I'm almost positive she knows the curfew laws in her area.</p>
<p>In my household, one of the privileges of being in college was being able to stay out beyond midnight (except for special occasions, like prom or band trips, etc).
This is an issue of safety and courtesy, and was presented as such. When no one is waiting up for you, you can stay out later. When you are not driving home you can stay out later. Even after freshman college year, out past midnight requires a courtesy call, with estimated time of return.
I would expect my husband to do the same, or any other adult.</p>
<p>If something doesn't change when you leave home, why would you ever leave???</p>
<p>Things change a little in that last summer before they leave, but it is a bit early yet.</p>
<p>This part made me laugh a little...
[quote]
. She and her BF tend to fall asleep watching a movie, then get up at 2 am or whatever
[/quote]
</p>
<p>Really?</p>
<p>I think all of your points are valid reasons for coming home at a particular time and I've stated all of those myself along with 'what if the car breaks down at 1 or 2am?' and informing them of some of the people out at that hour. I'd typically set the time based on what activity they were doing and where they'd be. The problem of course, is that at that age, kids tend to believe 'nothing will happen' and 'everyone else gets to'. I always explained my reasons for my decisions but if/when they disagreed with those reasons, I had the final vote anyway - parental executive rights.</p>
<p>yeah...this limbo time when you know they are still under your roof, but you know they will be off to college in the fall and on their own...we have deferred to the calif laws...made it easier...if D was to be stopped, then the consequences would be coming not only from her parents, but the policeman that stopped her. End of story.</p>
<p>Midnight's the rule at our house. The % of drivers on the road after midnight who are driving impaired is HUGE. When we were in college, H's best friend was killed by a drunk driver late at night. It put a big hole in our "invinsibility cloak"....</p>
<p>Mine never had a curfew. There was just always a time to be home. What time is the movie over? 11. Well, what are you going to do after the movies. I dunno, maybe catch a bite . So what time do you think you'll be home ? Before 1. O.K. If it's any later, call. </p>
<p>We never had any trouble, but then again no serious boyfiend action either. That could have changed things.</p>
<p>
[quote]
I can't seem to get through to my d WHY we have set her curfew at midnight on weekends.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>You don't have to get through to her. </p>
<p>If she has to be persuaded about a rule, then you will be able to make precious few rules.</p>
<p>Your rule is reasonable and you don't need to justify the setting of reasonable rules for those who live under your roof.</p>
<p>Movies can perfectly well end at midnight, she will live.</p>
<p>Mallomar -</p>
<p>That was my first thought as well. :o I hope the "falling asleep" involves birth control.</p>
<p>"Wake up, little Suzie...?"</p>
<p>Like curm we never had a "set" curfew--was more based on the activity. For instance there is late night bowling here that starts around 10--so then they could stay out and be home by about 12:30. It was rare for the kids to be out past midnight unless it was a special activity. Most movies and activities are over with enough time to get home by then. If something came up--they called--and I never went to bed before all were home safely. Of course most of the time our house was the meeting place so on weekends I had a basement full of kids sleeping over--so curfew not a problem.</p>
<p>When my oldest graduated from college (age 22), he moved back home for a few months while job searching. Even then, if he was going to be out past 1am, he called and still checked in when he got home. Like cangel stated, I would expect my husband or anyone else in the house to have the same courtesy.</p>
<p>Yeah, I'll add that I didn't have a set curfew either (besides the state-mandated midnight, which I normally stuck close to). When I went out my mom would ask where/what/with whom, and I'd tell her about when I expected to be home. She'd sometimes request it to be a little earlier. I always was supposed to call around 11 if I was staying out later than that.</p>
<p>Dig and Mallomar: I noticed that right away, too, but decided not to mention it! :)</p>
<p>Interesting differences of tone between #5 and #9 for what is effectively the same policy. </p>
<p>I don't think we ever had a curfew issue, courtesy of 18-20 hours of ballet a week during junior & senior year. School/dance/dinner/homework/sleep...rinse, repeat. On good nights homework was over by 11pm. Many times it ran until 1am or later.
I think default, if one had been necessary, would have been midnight, but I would have entertained extenuating circumstances if a flight plan and been filed (and accepted by me) <em>in advance</em>.</p>
<p>My dad's reasoning about curfew was simply that "there are very few good things that can come of you being out after midnight". That was in place fo rmy sophomore and junior years, and after "doing well" with the midnight curfew, it was extended to 12:30 (then I messed up and it was back to 11), then after graduation it became 1am.</p>
<p>Now my little brother was a senior last year, and I guess my parents aged a lot in five years b/c he said he routinely came home hours after curfew, and both parents were asleep. He realized one weekend when they thought he had gone out, but he hadn't that they still went to bed at the time they did during the week (~10pm) and thus he rarely had to worry about them finding out he was out extremely late.</p>
<p>If my parents had tried a curfew while I was in college, I would have laughed at them. As it was, most nights during breaks, I would crash at friend's places. I just assumed my parents knew I was probably drinking and obviously they preferred I not drive, so they removed any sort of rule that might for some reason make me feel the need to get home. Sophomore year most of my friend who were going to the nearby stateU (~45 minutes away) had their own apartments in their college town and so we'd just go hang out at those places and driving became even less of an issue.</p>
<p>One of the funnier "curfew" stories I ever had to do with a conservative & cautious would-be helicopter Dad calling his daughter at her dorm at UCLA on Friday & Saturday nights at 10pm to make sure that all was well. It never occurred to the poor sod that his daughter gaily skipped out to the social life <em>after</em> the call. I figured it wasn't my place to suggest this--which we happened to know from another source was exactly what was taking place--and judging by the expressions on the faces of the other parents present as this father proudly told of his technique, I wasn't the only one who came to the same conclusion.</p>
<p>TheDad, I do of course explain my reasoning about any rule or decision that is being challenged, and I am willing to listen. But to "get through to her" is something that just doesn't interest or concern me when it comes to such rules.</p>
<p>I never "got through to" my oldest son about why he was not allowed to drive to the shore at 2:00 a.m. after prom with other high school seniors. But he still didn't go.</p>
<p>1 AM for H.S. seniors.</p>
<p>By sr year hs our son had no curfew. He had many overnite coed parties though his gf's parents had a 1am curfew. Many a weekend nite he wandered in between 3am-7am.</p>
<p>We knew his friends as being nice kids and our rational was to have him hangout with them all nite as a hs senior and thus minimize the novelty he would have those first months in college when we had no oversight whatsoever.</p>
<p>Everything has worked out well. No problems in hs and, with the exception of one slip up, no problems in college.</p>
<p>i guess my parents are crazy because i honestly cannot remember a time when i had a curfew. nor can i remember a time when my parents waited up for me to get home. i suppose they trust me? who knows. most of the time i'm home between 11:30 and 1:00 on weekends. occasionally i'm out later, but that's pretty rare. </p>
<p>on the other hand, my friend anna's parents are incredibly strict with her curfew. if she's home a few minutes late, she's grounded for two weekends in a row. what does that mean? when ever she's "ungrounded" she goes out and is irresponsible with the amount of drinking, driving, and partying she does. </p>
<p>i have another friend whose parents tell him his curfew is 12. any amount of time he's late, that time gets taken off from his next curfew. if he breaks his next curfew, he loses his car for the following weekend. for example: if his curfew's 12 but he gets home at 1, he loses his car if he's not home by 11 the following weekend. if you want to enforce a curfew, this way seems to be the best. after all, the punishment fits the crime and is completely related.</p>
<p>i'm sure you want your daughter to be safe and responsible, so tell her that. maybe you could let her set her own curfew provided that she sticks to it. by letting her have some say in the situation, she's much more likely to follow through. </p>
<p>and in response to the 2am movie/nap...i've used that one a million times myself and you're completely naive if you believe it.</p>